Without you
by Alleycat0011
Summary: This is my take on what happens the night Liz loses Jake. This is the way I think the writers should have taken it. Please, let me know what you think. I am hoping to add to it. Liz has many days of healing ahead of her. All reviews welcome!
1. Elizabeth's grief

_Liz_

She walked into her house for the first time since Jake had died. The house felt different to her now. Wrong. There was an emptiness about it that made her want to turn around and leave. She wanted to scream. Break something. Anything. This wasn't right. How could this happen? How did this happen? She woke up this morning thinking that everything was great. How was she supposed togo without her baby? How were any of them supposed to survive something as devastating as this?

Parents weren't supposed to bury their children. No parent should ever have to see their child go into the ground forever. She had chosen to keep her son away from his father to protect him, and all the while there really wasn't anything she could have to done to protect him completely. There were no guarantees in life. In the end, there was nothing. She felt the tears slide down her cheeks and she didn't ever bother to wipe them. What was the point? There would be more tears after that. There would be tears forever. She would feel this ache forever.

She looked down at the toys that Jake had been playing with before the accident. She knew she should put them up before someone tripped over them, but she just couldn't. It made it final, and in her mind this would kept him there with her a little longer. She still found it hard to believe that this was even her reality. This day was never going to end. This nightmare was her life now, and she felt so alone.

She was alone. Cam and Aiden were with Nikolas, Lucky was with Siobhan, and Jason was with Sam. She wanted to be with someone. At this point she would have taken anyone, but that just wasn't the way things went. She was alone.

She sat down next to Jake's toys and tried to come to terms that he would never again play with his toys. She would never again hear him say "I love you, Mommy" and she felt fresh tears slide down her tear stained cheeks. How does a person wrap their mind around something so horrifying, so tragic, and move on with their life? There was a hole in her heart where Jake used to be. What was going to make that better? How was anything ever supposed to be better?

What was she supposed to do now? She was filled with so many questions and who would be the person to answer them. Where was she to turn to find solace? She wanted to feel someone's arms around her telling her it was going to be okay even if it was a lie. She needed a lie right now. She needed anything that was reassuring, but she knew she wasn't going to get it.

Her house was empty, her heart was empty, and her soul was shattered. The anger was hitting her now. Why was she alone? Everyone knew what she was going through, and where were they. Didn't anyone even care to check on her? Has she messed up so badly in the past that no one even cared that her son had just died? A sobbed escaped her lips as she was attacked by the pain. It seared the hole in her heart. Her blood boiled in her veins as she cried harder than she had ever cried in her life.

She felt sick and weak when the sobs finally subsided. She had no idea what time it was, but she didn't care. What did time matter anymore? She had tonight to be able to feel what she feeling. Soon her boys would be home, and she would have to be strong for them. She was always strong for everyone in her life. She had to be strong enough for Jake to walk away from the love of her life. She had to be strong enough for Lucky when he was constantly struggling with his addiction. She just had no more strength for being the rock that everyone wanted her to be.

She wanted someone to be a rock for her. She remembered when Lucky used to be her rock 12 years ago when she was raped. She thought that would be the toughest thing she ever had to do. Jason had been her rock when Lucky had cheated on her, and they had made Jake that night. She had had Jason when she lost Emily, but Jason was no long there. And neither was Lucky.

She got up and fragged herself upstairs. She walked right past Jakes' room. She just couldn't look in there yet. She didn't think that she could take it. She didn't know how much more she could take. What was the point of no return when the damages were irreparable? That was what she was now, irreparable. There were no magic words that could fix this. She was going to have to bury her four year old son years before he even had a chance to live.

How was that fair? Then again when was life ever really fair. She had turned her eyes for five seconds and everything was changed in that instance. Who could hit a child and not stop? She had been hit by a car, and she couldn't imagine what Jake must have gone through. She walked into her room and sat at the edge of her bed. She wrapped her arms around herself feeling like if she didn't she fall to pieces. Her body would just burst into teeny tiny pieces that would scatter in the wind.

She was startled by the sudden knock on her front door downstairs. She couldn't move at first. She thought that she was hearing things. She was officially going out of her mind. She had been here for hours, and no one had called or stopped by. Whoever that had been knocking continued to knock, and she realized she hadn't snapped yet. She was actually hearing someone at her door.

She forced herself to get up when she came to the conclusion that the person was not going to give up. She made her legs move to her bedroom door, and mustered every ounce of strength in her body to walk down her stairs. She knew she would be sleeping on the couch because there was just no way that she was going to be able to make that trip again.

She opened the door, and saw Jason standing on her doorstep. She didn't know if she wanted to see him, but it made sense that he was there. Jake was his son too even if he hadn't claimed him or her. His life didn't permit that, but that was not the point right now. He was standing on her front porch looking like the burning man. His eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot. He looked like she felt, awful and heartbroken. It was amazing to this man that Spinelli affectionately called "Stone Cold" looking like anything but stone. He looked like he was breaking into a million pieces right before her eyes.

He said nothing, he just pulled her into his arms, and that was when all her strength gave way. She fell to the ground with Jason's arms around her. She began to cry again, and she could feel that he was crying right along with her. They were both mourning their baby. They were both feeling a pain that was too feel alone. No one else could understand the pain they were both feeling. Lucky had raised Jake as his own, but he was really and truly Jason's son.

She and Jason eventually stopped crying, but she had no idea how long they had been there like that. Hours, minutes, seconds. None of it mattered anymore.

"Jason, I am so sorry. This is all my fault," she told him getting up and moving away from him.

He grabbed her arm gently keeping her from walking away from him, "Elizabeth, in no way is this your fault. Whoever hit Jake is at fault. Whoever hit him is to blame. Not you."

She couldn't bear to look him in the eyes. She couldn't look up and see her own pain reflecting in his eyes as he looked at her. She wanted to pull away from him again, but she wanted to be in his arms again. She knew he was with Sam, but she needed with every fiber of her being to feel the comfort of his strong arms around her. She needed to feel safe as she always did when he was holding onto her.

"Jason, I can't talk about this. I am just not ready to say the things that are going through my mind."

He forced her to look up at him, "We don't need to talk."

She pulled him over to the couch, and laid back into his arms. There was nothing but knowing he was there that was going to help. She was surprised as she sat there letting him be there for her when she needed someone most and he needed her most, she started to fall asleep. She hadn't thought she would ever want to sleep again, but she had been wrong as she usually was. She was feeling her eyelids get heavy as they sat there in silence, and she drifted to sleep.

_Jason_

Jason left the hospital, and jumped on his bike. He couldn't face Sam. He couldn't face Sonny or Carly or Michael. He just drove like he used to do. As he rode, he saw flashes of Jake and Elizabeth. He kept seeing the devastation on her face as Lucky told her that Jake was gone. He saw the betrayal in her eyes as he told her about Carly and Josslyn. He had never been good at tact. He was pretty sure he had none. It wasn't something he had woken up with after his accident.

He must have ridden around for hours when he finally stopped. He looked up to see he was sitting in front of Elizabeth's house. He saw again Elizabeth fall apart when Lucky told her about Jake. He saw the emptiness in her eyes as she took in what Lucky was saying. He saw her face and felt her slap as he told her about Josslyn having cancer and needing Jake's kidneys. He saw all the mistakes he had made during Elizabeth's pregnancy and after Jake was born.

All the times he saw Jake, and all the times that he had made promises to Elizabeth and broke them. She had only wanted them to be together as a family, and if he had done that then maybe Jake would still be alive. He would never know now.

He got off his bike, and somehow found himself standing on her front porch knocking on her door. All the lights were out in the house, but he knew she was home. He had to see her. He had to know she was at least okay because he knew he was not okay. He could barely breath without feeling ache of losing Jake. The pain was making it hard to breath.

He didn't know how long he knocked, but eventually she opened the door. She just looked at him. He couldn't move at first. He could see that she had been crying. The thing that hurt him the most were her eyes. They were completely empty. They used to be so full of life. He used to think her eyes danced with excitement. He knew how she felt, and that's why he pulled to him. As soon as his arms were around her she went limp in his arms. As if all strength that had carried her through this had just left her body.

He went down with her, and just held her as she began to cry. He had never heard such anguish and pain in his life, and he found himself crying with her. He didn't know how long it took for them to finally stop crying, but eventually it did happen. She pulled away from him first which was not something she usually did.

"Jason, I am sorry," she said softly, "This is all my fault."

He took her arm as she turned to walk away. He couldn't let her think this was her fault.

"Elizabeth, in no way is this your fault. Whoever hit Jake is at fault. Whoever hit him is to blame. Not you," he assured her.

She wouldn't even look at him. This was the most time that they had spent together since they ended things two years ago. She had changed so much in that time, but she was still the woman that he had loved more than life itself.

"Jason, I can't talk about this. I am just not ready to say the things that are going through my mind."

He could understand that completely. He could barely comprehend what was going on right now. He just needed to be with the woman who had given him his son. He needed to be there for her because it helped him to feel stronger just being next to her.

He gently lifted her face up to look at him, "We don't need to talk."

He only saw sadness and defeat in her eyes as she looked back at him. She led him to her couch and he took her into his arms. This would probably be the only night that they would be able to grieve in private. The only night that they could be together and feel the pain of being parents that had lost their son. He held her and was surprised to see that she had fallen asleep in his arms. She had fought a long battle today, and tomorrow was going to be even worse. The one thing he could give her was tonight. She need him and he needed her. No one else, especially Sam, could understand what this meant to both of them.

Tomorrow he would go, and they would be strangers again. It killed him that this is what they had become to each other. How did this happen?


	2. Lucky

_Liz_

She woke up on her couch to an empty house. Jason was gone. Had she dreamed him? Had it been real? Was the pain so deep and overwhelming that the only way she could cope was to hallucinate that Jason had come to help her through?

She sat up and looked around. There was no sign that he had been there. All that remained in the harsh light of morning was Jake's toys still on the floor. She made herself get up, and walk upstairs with the toys. She put them in Jake's room, and looked around the vacant room. She was haunted by her son's laughter. She could hear him making motorcycle sounds as he spent hours pushing his yellow motorcycle around on the floor. She could almost see him sitting on the floor with Cam. She wanted to reach out and touch him.

She looked at his bed. His small perfect little bed with motorcycle sheets. She didn't even know when he found out about motorcycles, but he was Jason's son. She had spent hours on the back of Jason's bike when she first met him. She would give anything to feel that freedom again. To go back to that time where there was no pain like this. The pain she had felt after thinking Lucky was dead was a cake walk compared to this.

She felt the tears again. Would they ever stop? Would she ever feel okay again? She was a nurse, and she had seen parents lose their children before. She knew what grief looked like, but she had never known that the grief went so deep. How did people move on? How was she going to move on? She ran out of Jake's room and slammed the door behind her. She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't take any of this.

She wanted to go back to sleep. In her sleep there was no pain. She was with Jake in her dreams. He had been running and laughing like he always had been. She was finding it hard to believe that there was a God that would allow something like this to happen. What had she done? What had Jake done? He was an innocent little boy. He hadn't chosen to be born. He hadn't chosen to be hit by a careless motorist. A part of her knew that not all the blame was on her. Whoever had been driving was going to pay. She was going to make sure of it.

She walked back downstairs and looked around. The house was silent and empty. Like her. She was a shell of her former self. This had started months ago when she had the affair with Nikolas and destroyed Lucky. Then she was emptied out some more when Lucky brought Siobhan back from Ireland, and now here she had to live her life without her son. If she was truly honest with herself the emptiness began when Jason ended things between them at the courthouse. She wanted to scream or break something. She looked around for something, anything to throw.

She saw a vase that had been holding flowers that Cam and Jake had picked for her days ago. The flowers were dead and now so was Jake. She walked over to it to pick it up, but couldn't bear the thought of destroying a connection to Jake. Everything in this house was a connection to Jake. She was attacked by batch of new sobs. Her body shook as they hit her hard. She fell to the ground again and folded into herself. She couldn't process this. She didn't want to believe that this could happen to her. She cried for Jake. She cried for Jason. She cried for Lucky, and she finally cried for herself.

She was crying so hard that she didn't hear the door open. She could barely register that someone's arms were around her, comforting her. She looked up to find Lucky next to her, and the look on his face caused her to start crying again. He pulled her to him and she allowed herself to cry on him. She felt his arms tighten around her as his own tears came again.

"I am just so sorry, Lucky. I don't know how this could happen. Why did this happen?" she sobbed.

"There are no answers, but Dante is working on getting the answers. Then we'll know who could have done this to a child. But Elizabeth," he started pulling her to look at him, "This is NOT your fault."

"I wasn't watching him. I should have been watching him," she insisted.

"Accidents happen. We are only human. I am just as guilty of not watching the boys every second that I have them."

She just cried harder and stubbornly shook her head in disagreement. She was to blame too. He pulled her to him again and sighed deeply. She could hear his heart racing in his chest. She thought that it might take flight. Was her heart even beating anymore? She could feel it in her chest aching and heart breaking. She couldn't do this. She didn't know how to do it.

She felt Lucky comfortingly stroke her hair as he had been doing for years, but she felt no comfort in it. She pulled away and somehow managed to get up onto her feet. Lucky looked up at her with such a sad look on his face. She couldn't stop herself from gently touching his face. He leaned into her hand as if against his will. All the pain that they had caused each other melted away. It didn't seem to matter anymore.

They had to set aside that pain in order to deal with this new pain. What happened in the past no longer mattered because that pain was nothing compared to what was happening in this moment in time. The past no longer existed. All that could be handled right now was this painful presence.

"Lucky, how are we going to do this?" she cried walking away from him.

He got up and walked over to her, "I honestly don't know. I don't even know how to get through the next hour. But I knew that if I was feeling this way, that you were feeling the same or worse. I have guilt for leaving the boys with you because I just had to go marry Siobhan."

She turned around, "Where is Siobhan?"

"She is at the apartment. She tried to help, but she is no help. She doesn't understand. She couldn't possibly get this. She was upset that I came here. She felt that I should grieve with her. I just couldn't leave you alone in this. How is that fair?"

"How is any of this fair? How is it fair that Jake is gone, and we are left behind to heal from this? How is this hole in my heart ever going to heal?" she yelled angrily.

She wasn't angry with him. She was just angry. She had nowhere to put her anger. No release.

"I don't know, Elizabeth. But I know, I know we can do this together."

She was suddenly in his arms again, but how long would that last. How long before he went back to Siobhan? How long before he would treat her like a stranger again? How long before the life she loved so much would be a distant memory?

She pulled away again and walked away, "We should figure out what we are going to do for the funeral."

She sat on the couch and wiped the tears away. She dug deep into herself to say such a hard word. Funeral. How could her son and funeral ever have something in common? It just wasn't right.

He sat down next to her, "Elizabeth, we don't have to think about that today."

She clinched her jaw stubbornly, "No, we need to do this and get it over with. It's going to hurt no matter when we do it. So let's just do it now."

He nodded in agreement and she went upstairs to get changed into some different clothes. Once in her room she set her mind to do what she needed to do. She put on a black long sleeve shirt and black jeans before putting her hair into a ponytail. She didn't bother with makeup. She didn't see that there was much of a point. She was going to a funeral home to arrange her sons funeral. Her four year old son. This was just so hard. She could feel fresh tears roll down her cheeks as she walked out of her room.

Lucky was waiting for her as she descended the stairs, "Ready?"

He only nodded like he was afraid to speak, and they left to go do something no parent should ever have to do. Make funeral arrangements.


	3. The start of the hardest day of all

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own these characters. ABC does.

With that said, the hardest chapter is coming up. This is sort of a prelude to Jake's funeral. It may take me a little bit to write his funeral. I can kind of understand why the writers didn't want to do it. Who really wants to write a funeral for a 4 year old little boy that is so beloved. Please be patient and enjoy what I have written so far. You comments will be greatly appreciated as I write the next part.

* * *

><p><em>Liz<em>

The day of the funeral was upon her, and she just couldn't bare what she about to have to do. She found her black dress in the back of her closet, and sighed to herself as she brought it out. She had worn this to Emily's funeral four years ago. She couldn't believe that it had been that long since she had buried her best friend. She thought of coming home from Emily's funeral, and finding Jason waiting for her. She remembered that he was the only person who really understood how much she was going to miss her friend. She knew today when she came home Jason would not be waiting for her. He would be going home to Sam where he felt he belonged.

She hadn't seen him since that night he showed up for her in her darkest hour. Part of her still felt that it had all been a delusion. She had spoken to no one about even though she was pretty sure that Robin and Patrick knew he had been there. She hadn't seen them either since the night of the accident. The boys had come home after she and Lucky had finished at the funeral home. They were now with a neighbor because she couldn't bring them to bury their brother. It would be too traumatic for an 8 year old and one year old to deal with, more so for Cam. Aiden had no clue what was going on, but Cam did.

It had broken her heart to tell her son that his baby brother was never coming back. He had cried and asked if he would see him soon. He cried himself to sleep for the last two nights. He was withdrawn and moody. He reminded her of Zander in how he was dealing with this. She heard a light knock on her door as she walked down the stairs. She knew it had to be either Nikolas or Lucky. Maybe it was even Steve. They all argued over who would take her to the funeral home.

She opened the door to find Jason standing in front of her, and she wondered if she was dreaming.

"I wanted to see you before we were in a room crowded full of people," he explained as he came inside.

She shut the door and remained silent as she followed him to the couch.

"Elizabeth, the last two days have been like walking through a fog for me. I wanted to see how you were doing?" he asked looking at her.

She studied his face, and it looked like he had aged ten years from the grief. She knew looked just as bad.

"Um, I am just trying to get through each hour of the day. When the boys are here it isn't so bad because I stay busy. But at night after Cam has finished crying himself to sleep, I feel it all over again."

"Cam is upset?"

"He is not taking it well at all. He is angry, moody, and he cries when I tell him again that Jake is not coming home. He is 8. He doesn't understand the gravity of the situation. Eventually he will become accustomed to it. If it gets too bad, I will put him in grief counseling."

"Maybe it would be good for you to do that."

She sighed in agreement, "I may do that. I just need to get through today. I have to ask you something."

"What's that?"

"Did I dream it?"

He looked confused, "Did you dream what?"

"Were you here that night? Did you really come?" she whispered tears sliding down her cheeks.

He gently wiped them away, "Yes, Elizabeth. I was here. Where else would I have been?"

She folded into his arms, and cried again. It hurts so much, and the only thing she could do was cry it out. She felt better sharing her pain with him. She shared some of it with Lucky, but she felt that it was easier to let Jason see the full extent of it. He was feeling the same things she was because he was really Jake's father, and he had missed so much.

"Elizabeth, I won't be able to be with you today at the funeral. I will be there, but I won't be able to sit with you. In the worlds eyes it's not my place."

She pulled away from him, "I want you to sit next to me. The world probably knows now that you are Jake's father, and I really don't give a damn what the world thinks. He was our son!"

She choked on the last sentence, and he pulled her against him again with tears coming down his cheeks. She wished she could stay like this forever.

"Is Sam coming?"

"Um, actually no. She feels that I shouldn't be going, and she disagrees that I came to you that night."

She snorted, "That's not very supportive, but this is Sam we are talking about."

She still had an issue with Sam after everything she had done after Jake was born, but this was not the time to rehash old harms.

"I insist that you sit with me and Lucky. I will sit in the middle. This was a decision we all made together. And this is our grief to share together. How is Josslyn?"

She knew that came out of nowhere but she had been thinking of her since she had received Jake's kidneys.

"She is recovering, and seems to be doing much better."

She only nodded and got up, "Lucky will be here soon. I will see you in the front row?"

He moved to stand in front of her, "I promise I will be there. See you soon."

And then he was gone.

_Jason_

Somehow he had managed to be standing on Elizabeth's front porch again. He had been here several times over the past few days, but he couldn't bring himself to go up to her door. Today was different. He had to see her before everyone showed up to Jake's funeral. He had to let her know he was thinking of her and their lost son.

He lightly knocked on the door and was taken back when he saw her. She was the same but she had no light in her eyes. No spark that had always been there. She used to smile when he would just show up but no smile came to her lips as she looked at him. Her face always used to so animated.

"I wanted to see you before we were in a room crowded full of people," he started as he walked past her to the couch.

He ached at seeing her so sad and withdrawn. As they discussed what had happened over the last couple days, he heard the sadness thick in her voice. He held her as she cried and almost smiled when she made a snide comment about Sam's attitude towards him. She saw Sam for what she really was, but he loved Sam none the less. He loved her in a different way than he loved Elizabeth. And he did love Elizabeth. He was realizing it more and more since the day of the accident.

He was not only consumed with thoughts of Jake, but of longing to be with Elizabeth which he had absolutely no right to want. He had broken her spirit years ago and that pain still lingered when she looked at him. He was haunted by that day in the courthouse, but he could not change that now. Yet he found himself drawn here especially now.

His heart warmed when she asked about Josslyn. The sacrifice she had made for that little girl was not to forgotten by anyone involved in Josslyn's life. Carly had NEVER been kind to Elizabeth, but she was not the kind of person to let a child suffer because of someone else.

"See you soon," he promised after promising that he would see her on the front row.

He had to collect himself before the three of them showed a united front at the funeral. This was going to be some of the hardest few hours he had faced since Jake had passed. His only relief was that he would be able to share it with Elizabeth. He didn't even mind sharing it Lucky. He felt a kinship to the man that had loved his son as his own and grieved as much as he did. Was this day ever going to be over?

_Liz_

She was relieved when she Lucky walked in the door without Siobhan. She would be meeting them at the church. He was in agreement with Jason sitting with them during the funeral, and told her would have done the same thing. He had to lead her out the door to the car because she felt like she couldn't do it on her own. She didn't want to do this whether she had to or not. She didn't want to bury her baby. She didn't want to say goodbye. It was just so unfair.

She was silent all the way to the church, and was surprised when she saw that the parking lot was filled. So many had come to support her, and she started to cry again. She couldn't believe that one little boy had touched so many lives in such a short time. She had known he was special just because he was hers, but to know that so many others had seen it. It was almost overwhelming. Lucky parked behind the hearse that would carry Jake to his finally resting place.

She sat in the car unwilling to move from the vehicle for fear she might faint. Lucky opened the door and with the help of Nikolas got her out of the car. It took both of them to help her to the front of the church where she saw Jason waiting for her. In that moment that she saw him looking back at her she knew it was going to okay, well as much as it could have been. Nothing about this was ever going to be okay, but knowing he was there made it endurable.

Now starts the very worst hours of her life. Let begin…


	4. Jake's Funeral

_**Jake's Funeral**_

Liz looked up the screen that kept flashing various pictures of her son, and her heart broke more. She sat next to Jason and felt Lucky sit next to her. Both of them took her hands as she began to shake. How was she going to get up there? How? She couldn't bear to look around at the people coming in. She didn't have the courage to look at them because she knew she would fall to pieces. Their grief stricken faces was more than she could bear.

Lucky gave Elizabeth's hand a small squeeze as the pastor descended the pulpit, and cleared his throat as he prepared to speak. Lucky could see that the pastor was struggling with being up there. Who wouldn't, he thought to himself. He looked at Elizabeth and saw that she was crying silent tears. No sounds were coming out of her just tears. He felt his own tears threatening to escape and let them go.

Jason braced himself as the pastor began to speak.

"How, you might ask yourself. Why, may come to mind as well. Why would God take this little boy? How could God think that this would okay? Questions. So many questions we all have. I have asked myself that many times through-out the years, but today I find it even harder to understand. I knew this little boy. I know his family.

"The only thing that comes to mind is God knows why and God knows how. There is a special place in Heaven for children. Does that make it any easier? No, probably not. I find myself lost for words on how to help with such a grievous loss. All I know is that God will heal the pain. God will relieve the suffering. And only in time will this become easier. For now, we can only believe that Jake is looking down on us, whole and beautiful," he choked on the last words and stepped down.

It was up to Elizabeth now. She sat there unable to even move and Lucky got up instead. She would do it in her own time. She would find that strength when she was ready, he thought.

He stood before friends and family and his once beloved Elizabeth, "What can I say about Jake that you don't already know about him? If you knew him, you knew he was like no other child. He was charismatic. He was loving. He was adventurous. The boy had no fear. He was amazing."

He stopped and wiped away his tears, "Man, this is hard. I knew it would be, but I didn't know it would be this hard. I miss my son. I miss hearing his voice, and I just don't get what the purpose of this is. What was the purpose of giving us such an amazing child and then ripping him away? There is a hole in my heart where Jake used to be. My life was made better because he came into it. Elizabeth, Jason, and I were the luckiest people on this planet. I am hear you murmuring because of what I have just said.

"But it is the truth. Jason was the real father of Jake, and he loved him so much that he kept him from the violence that was his life. He made the sacrifice to keep his son safe. Ironic isn't it. We all decided that it was better that Jason wasn't a part of his life to keep him alive, and now here we are at his funeral for something that has nothing to do with Jason. It just shows that there are no guarantees in life. No matter what precautions you take, it doesn't matter.

"A lesson should be learned here by all, Live each day like it will be your last. Because all it takes is a split second and that life could be gone. Snuffed out way before its time. I have been thinking over the last few days about what would Jake have been when he was a grown man. What would have named his kids? Things that he will never be able to do. Things we will never be able to witness. It makes my insides turn cold and hollow at the thought of. All I can say is that I have been blessed and I thank God for every second I got with my son."

He stepped down, and made his way to a crying Elizabeth. It was time and he could see in her face that she was fighting against getting up. He offered her his hand as she looked at Jason for encouragement. Jason nodded slightly, and she stood. She didn't remember walking up to the stand. She just knew that suddenly she was standing in front of everyone looking at them through blurry, tear filled eyes.

"Too many times have I had to bury someone I loved. Too many times have I had to stand up at a funeral and say encouraging words to make others feel better. Now I stand here for my own child," her voice cracked but she continued, "Lucky, what you said makes so much sense, it does. We were so fortunate, all of us, to have known this little boy. We are forever altered by his very presence in our lives. I can still remember holding him for the first time. Jason was in the room with me, and we weren't worried in those moments if someone found out the truth.

"We stood there as a family in awe of this miracle that had graced us with his presence. I had another son before Jake came along, and I thought I had known how to love from him. But when Jake was added I realized the human capacity to love someone so much when you loved someone else so much. The love for each child is the same but so different. You love them for their differences and faults as well as their infinite goodness. When Jason placed Jake in my arms the first time," she sobbed and stopped.

She looked over at his casket and his picture, "God, this whole time I had wondered where I was going to get the strength to do this. I can't tell you even now where it is coming from. When I stood up on a pulpit similar to this and spoke of Emily, I thought that was the hardest thing I would ever have to face. I was so wrong. I have never known anger like I feel over this. I have never known hurt like this. It feels like a nightmare come to life. I don't understand how God could do this. I don't want to understand. I just want to hear my baby's voice. I just want to be able to tell my son that his brother is coming home. I wanna be able to go in his room and find him sitting on the floor playing with his motorcycles. Anyone who knew him knew that he loved his motorcycle. Just like Jason loves his motorcycle. Some of you may not agree with what we did to keep Jake safe, and there are times especially in the last days, that I have disagreed myself.

"I wanted Jason to know his son. I wanted Jake to know Jason. I not only have to live with the loss of my beautiful child. I have to live with regret that two of the most important people in my life did not know each other as they should. I am sure you would like to hear some positives. Positives, Jake was loving. He loved with his whole heart, and he loved his family. He would squeal with delight at the sound of someone he knew coming through the front door especially for Lucky. Positives, He was as adventurous as Lucky said. A couple years ago during the carnival tragedy, Jake was almost killed because he had decided to climb up a pole for a stuffed animal. He didn't cry. He didn't freak out. I think that everyone else was more scared than he was.

"He didn't know fear. I now wish that I could that kind of fearlessness. I think that we should all learn to have less fear. Don't be afraid to tell someone something you've been meaning to tell them. Don't be afraid to try something daring or new that you wouldn't normally do. Step out of your comfort zone. Lucky has today. He is sitting in the front with a man that he has never been afraid to show his dislike for. He set it aside for his son's sake. How many of us could be so gracious? I know I haven't always been gracious. But then there have been those that have not been so gracious to me," she stated feeling a different emotion, anger.

Her eyes fell on Sam as she sat in the back of the church and she watched her sink a little lower in her seat. She wanted to call Sam out for the despicable things she had done to Jake and her, but Jason caught her attention. He had a knowing look in his eyes, and she broke down.

"I can't do this," she cried holding onto the pulpit as her strength gave way.

She suddenly felt strong hands holding her up and trying to lead her way. She held on because she wanted to say more.

"Wait, Jason," she begged, "I just wanted to say something else. I don't want to end this one that negative comment. I want to say that my life was made complete when Jake came into my life, and since then Aiden has been brought to my life as another miracle. No one will ever replace Jake's place in my heart. That space is now void. I love my boys, and I realize how lucky I am to still have them in my life. I am grateful for the time I had with Jake. We all should be. Not one person here was not changed by just meeting him. Thank you."

She allowed Jason to lead her to her seat. She buried her face in his chest and just cried. She didn't hear anything that anyone else had to say. She didn't know who else even spoke. She moved away from Jason and just stared at her sons picture. Part of her heart was being buried today. Everyone must have been done because a new song haunted her ears. She had picked this song for the words that it meant so much to her.

_**If You could See me now. (Truth)**_

_**Our Prayers have all been answered**__**  
><strong>__**I finally arrived**__**  
><strong>__**The healing that had been delayed**__**  
><strong>__**Has now been realized**__**  
><strong>__**No one's in a hurry**__**  
><strong>__**There's no schedule to keep**__**  
><strong>__**We're all enjoying Jesus**__**  
><strong>__**Just sitting at His feet**__****_

_**Chorus:**__**  
><strong>__**If you could see me now**__**  
><strong>__**I'm walking streets of gold**__**  
><strong>__**If you could see me now**__**  
><strong>__**I'm standing tall and whole**__**  
><strong>__**If you could see me now**__**  
><strong>__**You'd know I've seen His face**__**  
><strong>__**If you could see me now**__**  
><strong>__**You'd know the pain's erased**__****_

_**You wouldn't want me to ever**__**  
><strong>__**leave this place**__**  
><strong>__**If you could only see me now**__****_

_**My light and temporary trials**__**  
><strong>__**Have worked out for my good**__**  
><strong>__**To know it brought Him glory**__**  
><strong>__**When I misunderstood**__**  
><strong>__**Though we've had our sorrows**__**  
><strong>__**They can never compare**__**  
><strong>__**What Jesus has in store for us**__**  
><strong>__**No language can share**__****_

_**(Repeat Chorus X2)**__****_

_**You wouldn't want me to ever**__**  
><strong>__**leave this perfect place**__**  
><strong>__**If you could only see me now**__**  
><strong>__**If you could see me now**__**  
><strong>__**If only you could see me now**___

She felt more tears stream down her cheeks as they began to carry her son away to the hearse waiting outside for him. She could barely breath from the panic of the reality of what was happening. She held Lucky's hand as Jason helped her stand up. They were going to walk behind his coffin. She had Jason and Lucky on either side of her, and both of them kept her moving forward. She couldn't do it on her own. She cried harder as they closed the door to the hearse. She wanted to scream and rant and rave. She wanted to beg, plead, and make a deal with the devil just so she could have her son back.

Jason ached for Elizabeth. He knew the only thing he could do was just hold onto her. He looked over at Lucky, who seemed to feel the same way he did because it was written all over his face. Their pain was similar because they wanted to be there for Elizabeth as well. She needed them more then they needed her. She was the one who felt the guilt so strongly. She was the one who carried the heaviest burden, and she was the one that would go home to the house that Jake had lived in alone.

Lucky drove her to the burial site in silence. She said nothing. She looked defeated. He didn't know how much more she could take. She was so fragile. This had been a hard year for her and him.

He parked at the cemetery, and he and Jason helped her to the site.

"I can't do this. This can't be happening," she kept saying softly over and over again.

"Elizabeth, you can do this. Just lean on us." Jason assured her quietly once they reached the site.

He knew he was going to have hell to pay at home since he had stayed by her side through the whole funeral and now here. He just couldn't leave her. He couldn't walk away from her again. He didn't think he could ever walk away from her after this.

The pastor said a few words, and they began the dropping of the dirt onto the coffin. She let go of both of them to walk up to his coffin by herself. She kneeled down and grabbed a handful of the cool, black earth and gently scattered over the shiny white box that was her son's forever resting place. She stood there as everyone else did the same thing. She couldn't, wouldn't move. Long after everyone had dissipated from the area, she continued to stand there. She watched as they placed the dirt into the hole.

She stayed as they finished, and left the area. She didn't want to leave him. It didn't feel right to leave her little boy alone.

"Elizabeth, we should go," Lucky whispered in her ear.

"I can't leave him, Lucky. He's just a little boy. I can't leave him here alone. It doesn't feel right." she cried helplessly.

Logically she knew she couldn't stay, but emotionally she couldn't leave him. How did this happen? How had everything gone so wrong? Where was the logic in this situation? How was this a part of the greater scheme of things?

"Elizabeth, we can come back tomorrow. And the next day. Every day. But for now you have to let go." Jason explained calmly.

She looked him with a betrayed angry look in her eyes and yelled, "Let go? Let go? Jason, how am I supposed to let my son go? Please tell me because I want to know how to do this. I need you to tell me how to walk away. I know I am supposed to keep on going. I know it. But I can't get my heart to comprehend that I have to walk away from him. I can't get my heart let go. So tell me, please. Give your words of experience and wisdom because I don't know how to do."

He wasn't hurt by what she said. She was breaking down. She was angry and grieving.

"I.. I don't know. You just have to start with moving away and go from there. There are no answers here. There is no way of really knowing how to do this. You just have to find the strength."

"I don't have any more strength, Jason. I don't have any more fight left in me. I feel stretched and broken. I feel like I am betraying him by leaving him. He was only four, Jason. Why did this happen? I just want to understand, and I can't wrap my mind around. Why did he have to die? He was my baby," she cried sadly sinking to the ground.

Jason caught her before she hurt herself, and Lucky sat down next her. Lucky ached for the anguish in her voice. He didn't disagree with anything she said. She had to get this out. She needed to feel what she feeling. He felt it with her. Jason felt it with her, but he wasn't going to force her to leave. She needed to grieve in her own way, and he would stay with her till she was ready to leave.

An hour later, her tears subsided, and an hour after that she was allowed to be lead away from the site. She quietly allowed them to place her in the vehicle and shut the door. She sat in the passenger seat silently and regretfully waiting to go back home.

"Jason, she can't be left alone in this," Lucky stated after her door was shut.

They both looked her just sitting there staring out the windshield. All life was cried out of her.

"I agree. Then we'll take turns. Even if she doesn't want us in the house with her. We stay close. I think Aiden and Cam should stay with Audrey for the night. She needs to come to terms with this. Do you want to stay with her now?"

"I need to go home to Siobhan for a little while, but I will come by in a couple hours."

"Okay, then I'll stay with her for now. I don't want to leave her now anyways. Do you think she is going to be okay?"

Lucky looked at him, "I don't know, Jason. Before I come over I am going to stop by the police station. I want to know if they have learned anything yet."

"I have Spinelli looking into as well. We will figure this out, and that person is going to pay."

"For once you and I are in complete agreement."


	5. Suspects revealed

__Thank you to everyone that has read and reviewed. I am trying to update often. I am really getting into this story. I have yet to decide what is going to transpire between Jason and Elizabeth and Lucky. Right now I am just trying to get through the grieving process. I am a Liason fan. But I also liked her with Lucky. I am also intrigued by her relationship with Matt. So who knows what is going to happen.

For the purpose of making this story easier for me, I left out the Balkan as the fourth suspect. I really disliked that whole storyline so I left it out. I feel that the three main suspects made for an interesting who done it situation.

* * *

><p><em>Lucky<em>

He walked her into the house, nearly carrying her the entire way. He wondered if she wanted something it. He wondered when she had eaten last. He walked her to the couch and watched as sank she down into it. She still hadn't spoken a word, and it had been hours since the last time she had spoken at the grave site. He wanted to hear her voice. He wanted her to say that she would be okay. He turned around when he heard Jason walk into the house.

"I'll stay with her, Lucky," he whispered so quietly as if he didn't want to disturb her.

He looked back her as she just stared at nothing, and nodded before walking out the door. He didn't want to leave her, but he had to take care of Siobhan. He had to let her know everything was okay, and what was going on. He knew she wouldn't be happy about it, but she had to know that this was something he had to do. He couldn't leave his son's mother alone with her pain. Liz would have done the same for him if it were in her capacity to do at the moment.

He made his way to his apartment replaying everything over in his head. He was so tired of crying. When would the tears stop? Would they ever stop? He had never cried so much in his life. He made his way up the stairs to his apartment and found Siobhan sitting on the couch waiting for him. He cared about this fiery red head. He truly did, but she couldn't possibly grasp what this was doing to them all.

He closed the door behind him as she walked over to him, "Glad you could make it home, Lucky."

"I couldn't leave her alone, Siobhan. She is hurting. We all are."

"I know that, Lucky, but you didn't even say anything to me at the funeral. You just stayed by her side like I didn't even exist."

"It wasn't meant to be like you didn't exist. It's just that she needed me. She still does. I am going to stay here for a little while, but then I have to go back."

"Is that how it's going to be then? You come home and then you got back to her. How long are you going to be doing this?"

He looked at her, "As long as it takes."

_Jason_

Jason waited til Lucky was safely down the road before he sat down next to her. She didn't flinch when he touched her hand. She didn't move when he said her name. She looked like she had just checked out. Like he wasn't even there.

"Elizabeth," he spoke softly and cautiously, "do you need anything? Can I get you something to drink? Do you wanna eat something?"

Nothing. She just stared at nothing. She was breathing and blinking, but he knew that those things were involuntary. She didn't choose to do those things. What she did chose do was remain silent, and it was worrying him as well as driving him crazy. Where was the woman who would babble on and on about nothing? Was she even still in there?

"Elizabeth, please. Tell me what you want. Tell me what I can do."

After a few moments of silence she turned and looked at him, "Jason, how do I do this? I want to be okay for Cam and Aiden. I just don't think I can bounce back from this."

"No one is expecting you to. Especially not tonight. The boys are with Audrey. Please, let me get you something to eat. Do you even know when you ate last?"

She shook her head as the tears rolled down her cheeks, and she turned away from him. This was going to kill him. He got up and went into the kitchen to scrounge up something for her to eat. She'd get sick if she starved herself. He was looking in the fridge when he heard the door open. When he went into the living room she was gone, and the door was left wide open. He sprinted out the door and saw her walking right towards the road. He pulled her out the way just as a car flew by, and they fell to the ground just barely missing the car.

"Elizabeth, are you okay?"

She was just crying, "I want to see him, Jason. Why is this happening?"

He held her in his arms as she just cried. He didn't know what to do for her. He had never felt so helpless. He finally lifted her into his arms, and carried inside to her bedroom where he laid her down in bed. He hadn't been in here since Emily's funeral. It hadn't changed. He couldn't help but think of what happened last time he came in this room with her. He thought he knew what pain was that day. He had been so wrong.

She laid on her bed in a fetal position and her sobs continued. He decided to lay down next to her so he crawled into bed with her. He pulled her close to him and just held her. This was all he could do for at this moment. He'd let Lucky worry about getting her to eat something when he showed up later. Right now all he wanted was to just hold her in his arms.

_Lucky_

He stayed with Siobhan for over an hour before he decided he had to go. Jason needed to get home to Sam at some point. As he went to kiss Siobhan goodbye she moved her face away. She would get over this eventually, and if not he would try to make it up to her in some way. He drove to the police station hoping that something was known about what happened to his son. As he walked in he saw Dante staring at paperwork on his desk. He looked tired, like he had been there for a while.

"Hey, Dante. Any news yet?"

Sonny's son looked up at him with regret and sadness in his eyes. He knew the expression well. He had been seeing it a lot, and he would see it more in the near future.

"Lucky, what are you doing here? How's Elizabeth?" Dante questioned setting the sheet down and standing up.

"I am here to find out if you know what happened. And Elizabeth. Well, Elizabeth is shattered. She is just broken into a million pieces, and I honestly don't know what to do for her, man."

Dante nodded understandingly and reluctantly picked up the paper from the desk, "We have three suspects, and all of their cars are being checked out as we speak."

He handed it to Lucky, and as he looked at the names listed on the paper he grew angrily. Two of the suspects were family and one was Sam. How could any of them not have known they hit a little boy? Why didn't any of them stop?

He looked up from the paper at Dante, "Is this the only three cars that were on the road at that moment?"

"Yeah, that's all of them," Dante sighed.

Luke Spencer. Sam McCall. Carly Jax. They were burned in his mind permanently as he crumpled up the paper in his hand.

"I want to be the first person you call when you find out. Do you understand?"

Dante only nodded, and Lucky just walked away. As he drove to Elizabeth's, he tried to get his anger under control Any of the three people that were on the road that night now had his sounds death on his or her hands. They had potentially destroyed some many lives because of a careless act, and family, lover, or not, there would be hell to pay.

_Jason_

He was relieved when her tears finally subsided into silence. She became very still in his arms, and he knew she was asleep. He didn't want to leave her. He wanted lay with her forever as he had wanted to two years ago when they ended things. Well, he ended things.

"I am so sorry," he whispered sadly to her even though he knew she wouldn't hear him.

He gently removed himself from her side and laid a throw blanket over her. He sat in the chair next to her bed, and watched her sleep. There was no pain in her face now, only peace.

"Elizabeth, you will never know what you truly meant to me. I should have," he stopped feeling a sob catch in his throat, "I should have done more. I should have fought harder. I should have listened to you."

She stirred a little, but stayed asleep. He got up and walked to the door before he looked back her sleeping peacefully. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and he sighed as he walked out of the room. He pulled it out of his pocket and knew who was calling without even looking at the caller id.

"Yeah," he answered in his usual manner.

"_Are you coming home soon?" Sam questioned on the other end._

"Yes, Lucky should be here at any moment. I just couldn't leave her. She almost walked right out into traffic. It was as if she was looking for him."

_Sam sighed impatiently before speaking, "Well, I hope she gets better. I will be here for you when you get done."_

"Sure. Alright. I think he is here now. I'll see you in a little bit," he told her before hanging up the phone.

He walked downstairs as Lucky came in through the front door. He looked angry, and he knew it had to do with the investigation.

"What's going on?" Jason asked stopping at the bottom of the steps.

"It's not good. They have three suspects."

"Who?"

"I don't think you want to know."

"Who?" he repeated.

"Come in the living room and sit down."

They went in there and Jason waited for Lucky to finally tell him who could have possible hit his son.

"The three suspects are Carly, my father, and…"he stopped seeming to not want to say the last one.

"Lucky, who else?"

Lucky looked at him sadly, "Sam."

Jason was thrown for a loop. Could Sam have done this? What was she doing on Liz's road that night? It was bad enough that Carly and Luke were suspects, but Sam. Hadn't she done enough already?

"Those are the only three suspects? Are they sure?" he asked in disbelief.

"I called Spinelli, and he confirmed it. That's it."

Jason sighed and felt like hitting something.

"Okay, so, what are they doing?"

"Forensics is checking them out right now. Should know something by tomorrow. It ain't good, man. At all."

"Yeah, no kidding. I mean it's bad enough that Carly and Luke are on that list. But Sam already has a track record a mile long when it comes to Jake. Now you're telling me that she possibly hit him, and just kept driving. What kind of excuse is there for just keeping on driving when you hit something especially a four year old child."

"I couldn't tell you, Jason. I don't have the answers. How is she?"

"Not good. She walked right into traffic. I had to grab her before she got it by a car. She was in all black. The car wouldn't have seen her til it was too late."

"Has she said anything?"

"Mainly the same things she was saying before. Why did this happen? How is she supposed to do this? I'm worried she is not going to be okay."

"She was fragile to begin with. She just needs us to support her."

"I hope that is going to be enough."

"It has to be."

Jason sighed, "Alright. So I am going to get going. Damn, I do not want to go home now. I don't even want to face her with what I know."

"Just wait til we know for sure."

"Okay, just call me if she needs anything. She is upstairs sleeping. She cried herself to sleep. Maybe she has cried it all, but I seriously doubt it."

"I don't think she'll ever be cried out. She is never going to be the same Elizabeth again. I don't think any of us are going to be the same."

"I don't think I will be. I will see you later. Thank you."

Lucky just nodded, and Jason took one last look upstairs before walking out the door. He hopped in his vehicle, and headed to face Sam. Everything in his being prayed that she didn't do this. Accident or not, he couldn't stay with the woman that killed his son. It would be too hard. Even if he loved her, he didn't love her enough to forgive this. He had already forgiven too much.


	6. Who could do this?

_Thank you to everyone that have read and reviewed this story. Please continue to read and review. This story is far from over. Yes, you will find out who done it in the next chapter. I just have to figure out how I am going to write it. _

_Again I do not own these characters. _

* * *

><p><em>Lucky<em>

After Jason left, he remained in the living room for a little while. He wanted to absorb this information before going up to sit with her. If Liz woke up and saw him like this she would know something was wrong. She always knew when there was something on his mind or bothering him. She knew him entirely too well. He couldn't believe that she had almost walked out into traffic. What was she thinking? Was her judgment that clouded by her grief?

He sighed to himself as he stood up to go upstairs. He walked into her room and saw that was laying on her bed with a blanket his mother had made for her on her. She had had that blanket since they were kids. She was still in her black dress. She looked like herself for the first time in days, and that was only because she was asleep. She had no worries at the moment.

She would wake up soon with the weight of the world on her shoulders. She would never be that carefree girl he used to know. That was the mistake he always made when it came to Liz. He saw her for who she used to be, not for who she was. He looked around the room at the pictures she had of the boys. Would she put away Jake's photos for a while to help herself feel better? Would she want the constant reminder that Jake was gone?

She had always been such a fighter. So stubborn. She was a survivor, and she would survive this. She just needed to know that she had support. He sat on the edge of her bed and lightly touched her hair. He saw the dark circles under her eyes, and realized she hadn't been sleeping. Not that he blamed her. He hadn't gotten much sleep himself.

"Oh, Lizzie. We will get through this. I have faith that you can do this."

He heard her whimper in her sleep, "Jake."

She opened her eyes, and looked at him groggily. She didn't bother to even smile at him. Instead she sat up, and looked around as if she didn't recognize her surroundings.

"How long have I been asleep?" she asked as she yawned.

"I don't really know. At least 45 minutes. Jason went home."

"It's probably better that way. Sam hates me," she sighed sadly.

"I am sure she doesn't hate you anymore. She won didn't she? She's got Jason all to herself."

"Yeah, sure. And now the one connection that he and I had is dead and buried out the Port Charles Cemetery."

"Are you hungry? I'll make you something to eat."

She nodded so slightly that if he hadn't been paying attention he never would have seen it. He offered her his hand which she reluctantly took, and lead her to the kitchen. She sat at the table as he threw some sandwiches together. She didn't say anything as he worked in the kitchen. As he handed her the sandwich, he noticed that she beautiful even in her grief.

She was dangerous for him to be around even after everything they had done to each other. He knew he would always love her. Everything in him wished that Aiden was his child so he could share at least that with her. They had lost so much, and he knew they could never go back.

"Lucky, why are you here?" she asked after taking a small bite.

He shrugged, "I didn't want to leave you alone."

"Where's Siobhan?"

"At the apartment, pouting."

"Oh, Lucky, I don't want to come between you two. I am so tired of coming in between everyone. Go home."

"I'm not leaving you alone in this."

"I want you to go home to her. I will not be the cause of tension between you two."

"You aren't," he told her simply.

Even in her grief she was thinking of other people. This was the Elizabeth he had always known and loved. Thoughtless when it came to herself.

She looked at him curiously and cautiously, "I'm going to go back to bed. I want you to go home to your fiancée. Please. I just want to be alone."

He knew she wasn't going to let this go so he agreed to leave the house, but as he and Jason agreed, he would stay close by. He walked her to her bedroom and she looked at him mournfully before closing the door behind her. He walked down her stairs and went outside. He sat in his car, and just watched over the house. He wasn't going to leave her.

_Liz_

She leaned against her door knowing well that Lucky wasn't going to leave. He would do as she asked and leave her alone, but he would never really leave. She took some comfort in knowing that.

She walked to her dresser, and got some black lounge pants and a black tank top out. She would be wearing black forever; she would mourn her son forever. She brushed her hair out, and crawled back into bed. She could have slept forever. She wanted to stay and bed away from the pain forever. She was safe in her dreams.

_Jason_

He pulled into his parking lot, and just sat on his bike. He looked up at the early morning sky, and towards his penthouse. He had so many emotions coursing through his mind. He didn't want to face her yet. He couldn't imagine that she would have actually been capable of this. How do you not know that you hit something much less a little boy? Same went for Carly and Luke.

He felt anger towards Carly. He knew she had probably been distracted about Joss, but this was too much even for her. He got off his bike, and slowly and reluctantly walked towards the elevators. He listened as the elevator ticked along each floor, and felt the dread become stronger and stronger. The doors opened just as his cell phone went off in his pocket. It was Lucky.

"Yeah," he said walking towards Sonny's old apartment.

Lucky started speaking in quick sentences and everything that Jason dreaded came to life. What was he going to do now?


	7. The guilty party please step forward

_Yes, you find out finally. I hope I did this chapter alright. I had a really hard time writing it. I just couldn't decide who should have been responsible. More to come I promise. I still have yet to decide about Liason being together again. _

_I appreciate everything everyone has said about this story. Please keep reading and letting me know what you think._

* * *

><p><em>Lucky<em>

Lucky was starting to nod off when his cell phone went off next to him. He rubbed his eyes with his hand as he picked it up with the other. He looked down to see Dante's name plastered across the screen.

"This is Lucky," he answered feeling his heart start to race.

He listened to Dante tell him that they knew who the suspect was.

"Okay, so who did it? Who ran over my son?" he demanded.

As Dante said the name, Lucky's heart dropped to his stomach. This was not what he expected, but he felt relieved that it wasn't Luke.

"So what are you going to do, Dante?"

He nodded his head in agreement and hung up the phone. He quickly dialed Jason's number, and waited for him to answer. As he told Jason what he knew he wondered if he should go over to the apartment. Jason was going to be a man on a mission, and part of him didn't care. His next step was going to tell Liz. He knew Liz wouldn't have forgiveness in her heart for the person that did this. He couldn't even say it to himself. This was going to change everyone's life.

_Jason_

He looked at his door thinking about how he was going to deal with this. He took a deep breath and went inside. Same was asleep on the couch waiting for him. He walked over to her and nudged her awake before sitting down in the chair across from her. She sat up and looked him curiously.

"Jason, when did you get home?" she asked moving closer to him.

"Just now."

"Is Elizabeth okay?"

"She's dealing. We all are."

"What's going on? You look upset."

"My son died, Sam. He died and the person who hit him just drove away."

"You'll find out who it was."

"I know who it was, Sam. Lucky just told me."

"Who was it?"

"You. You hit my son."

He watched her face go through many different emotions within seconds. Disbelief, anger, resentment, and then disbelief again.

"Jason, what are you talking about?"

"You were driving on Elizabeth's road that night around the time Jake was hit. Forensics checked your car along with the other suspect's cars. Yours came up positive for traces of my son. My son, Sam. You hit him and just kept on going!" he exclaimed standing up menacingly.

He had wanted to stay calm, but the rage filled him uncontrollably.

"Jason, I didn't know. If I had known I would have stopped. I wouldn't have driven away. How could you believe that I would hit a child and not stop if I had known," she tried to explain as she stood up with him.

She placed her hand on his arm but he quickly jerked away, "Don't! Just don't. Sam, you killed my son. You have destroyed Elizabeth."

"Oh, yes. Elizabeth. It always comes back to her," she cried interrupting him.

He glared at her, "In this case, yes. It does have to do with Elizabeth. She was Jake's mother as much as you wanted her not be. She was, and she is broken. She is devastated. You caused this. What were you even doing on her road?"

"I always take that road. It's the easiest."

"It was easy that night, too, right. Are you going to tell me you aren't glad that the connection that tied me to Elizabeth is gone?"

"Jason, I would never be glad that Jake is dead. Never. How could you even say that?"

She looked deeply wounded by what he had said, and he was glad. He wanted her out of his sight. He couldn't bear to even look at her. She had poisoned his life for years, and now she had killed his son. She was not the safer road. She was the road that ended up killing him.

"You are going to pay for this. They are going to put you away. I will make Elizabeth press charges against you even if she doesn't want to. Too many times have you done Jake wrong. Too many times have I listened to you speak out about her. Look at what you have done!"

"It was an accident. I didn't know."

"No, of course not. That's always your excuse. You always have an excuse for whatever you do wrong. Why didn't you even tell me you were on that road that night? Why, Sam?"

"Because I didn't realize it was the same time as when Jake got hit."

"Sure. You stood in that hospital acting like you cared. You went to his funeral. I really can't even look at you right now. I want you to go."

"Jason," she started but stopped when she looked at him.

"Now!" he yelled forcefully.

She had tears in her eyes and streaming down her face as she grabbed her purse and ran out the door. He sat down on the couch with all of his strength drained out of him. He could have killed her, but that wouldn't bring Jake back. She was going to pay. Somehow, she was going to pay.

_Lucky_

He walked back into her house, and slowly walked upstairs. Elizabeth hated Sam and with good reason. The things that had happened had been let go, but now they were going to come back into the present with full force. Sam's life was over, and Dante was on his way now to arrest her. He stopped in front of Liz's door and slowly turned the knob. She was sitting up on her bed as he walked in. She didn't look surprised to see him as he came over to sit by her.

"Did you even go home at all?" she asked wrapping her arms around her legs.

"I did when I left earlier. Siobhan knew I would be staying here all night. Look, I need to talk to you about something."

"What's up now?" she asked with trepidation.

"Dante found out who hit Jake."

Her face turned dark as she began to speak, "And who did it, Lucky? Who killed our baby?"

"There were three suspects. Luke, Carly, and Sam."

"Please, tell me it wasn't your father?"

He shook his head, "No. It was Sam. Sam hit Jake."

She remained silent as this information sunk in. He wasn't sure what her reaction would be, but he was not expecting it be what she did.

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get out now!" she exclaimed jumping off the bed.

"Liz, Dante is handling this. There is nothing we can do to change this now."

"You're right. We can't change it. But we could have prevented it. All of us. She could have gone to jail for allowing Jake to be kidnapped, or hiring those men to hold guns on me and the boys in the park. Something could have been done to keep this woman away from my son, and now it is too late to change it, Lucky. Now leave. Get out!" she exploded on him pushing him towards the door.

He knew she had every right to be angry, but to push him out. She slammed the door in his face once he was in the hall, and he just stood there in shock. He heard her lock the door, and then he heard glass breaking.

"Liz, let me in please," he panicked hoping she didn't hurt herself in her rage.

"Go away, Lucky. Just stay away from me," she yelled through the door at him.

He ran downstairs and got his phone from his car. He dialed the only person who might have had a chance of calming her down.

"You need to get here now. I just told her," he spoke quickly as soon as Jason answered.

_Liz_

Rage. It filled every inch of her body as Lucky told her that Sam was responsible for all this. She threw him out. He had allowed that woman into her home before they were even divorced. He had allowed that woman to be around Jake when she was in the hospital recovering from glass cutting her leg in an attempt to save Jake. That woman had allowed Jake to be kidnapped. She had told Carly that Jake was Jason's knowing fully well that Carly would blow a gasket.

Now that woman had hit her son and kept on going. That bitch might as well of helped bury Jake. She had had the audacity to come to Jake's funeral. How could Sam even look her in the eye? She had comforted Jason, and she was the reason that Jason was hurting as much as he was.

She picked up the nearest thing and threw it against the wall. She heard the glass shatter as it the wall. She didn't feel any better.

She heard Lucky begging her to let him in, "Go away, Lucky. Just stay away from me!"

She pushed her hair out of her face as looked around for something else to throw. She had trashed her room once before many years ago. She had been so angry and helpless at the time, and now she felt that again. She wanted to get her hands on Sam's neck and choke the life out of her. She decided to change and go find that bitch. Dante wasn't going to be able to arrest her. He was going to need a coroner.


	8. A Mother's anger

_Many of you expected it to be Sam. I was so torn between her and Carly. I think that Sam got away with so much over the years and everyone just allowed it like it was no big deal. _

_I know that it was a surprise that Liz would react that way. But in reality, a grieving mother would blame anyone the same way she blamed Lucky. He did cheat on her with Sam after all. Granted things at the time were not great between him and Liz. But Sam did not make that any easier on either party._

_This chapter shows Liz's anger. I appreciate everyone's response to this story. Keep reading. More is to come. I am sorry to any Sam fans out there. Any reviews are welcome. At the moment there is no Liason reunion on the horizon. It is undecided yet._

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><p><em>Jason<em>

He tried to fly down the road to get to Elizabeth's. He knew she would not take this news very well. She was going to be angry with him and Lucky when she had begged both of them to keep Sam away from Jake. She had told them over and over again not to trust Sam. Jason couldn't believe that he had allowed her back into his heart. He knew the things that she had been capable of, and he ignored the danger of her.

Lucky was outside when he pulled up on his motorcycle, and he looked disturbed.

"What happened?" he demanded as he got off the bike.

"She flipped, man. She threw me out her room. I thought she would be upset, but I didn't think she would do that."

"Why does that surprise you? She has always had an issue with Sam. She has every right to be angry," he stated simply and calmly as he walked towards the house.

He took the steps two at a time to get to her. He was afraid she would do something stupid. He got to her door to find it wide open. It was no longer locked, and it was completely empty of Elizabeth. He looked in her bathroom and she wasn't there either. He turned to head out of the room as Lucky walked in with shock registering on his face.

"Where is she?" he asked.

"How do I know? I just got here. You didn't see her leave."

"No, I guess I didn't if she isn't here and I didn't see her go."

"We have to find her before she finds Sam."

"Oh, come on. You really don't think she would go after Sam, do you?" Lucky questioned as he followed him outside.

"Lucky, are you stupid? Elizabeth may have tried to move on from what Sam did, but she has never forgotten. Sam made her life a living hell once she found out about Jake. Now this happens. You have to be smarter than you are acting right now," Jason answered hopping back on his bike.

He took off without another word to Lucky. He just hoped he would be get to either of them before Liz got a hold of Sam.

_Liz_

She slipped down the stairs quietly and out the back door before Lucky noticed anything. She could hear Jason's bike in the distance and she knew she had to disappear before he came into the house. She made her way through her neighbor's backyards, and found herself near the main stretch. She got to the docks and began her search. She knew she would find Sam somewhere around here. She wouldn't stop until she did. She wanted to hurt her. She wanted to kill her. She wished she had a vehicle so she could hit Sam.

Sam had been in a hit and run, and she knew how it felt to have a car plow her down. How could she have not known? When Sam had thought that Elizabeth was guilty of running her down, she had wanted to crucify her. Then she played the good guy card of forgiveness for her children's sake. What a freaking joke!

The sun was up and still no sign of Sam. Where could she have been hiding? Where did she go? She had checked Jason's and Kelly's as well as Jakes. Finally frustrated she went to police station. She stormed inside to find that Sam had turned herself in. She was sitting in a chair next to Dante's desk looking pitiful and pathetic. Before Liz could even think, she reacted. She launched herself at the tiny woman sitting there.

"You bitch!" she exclaimed as she landed on Sam.

So shocked Sam didn't fight back as Liz continued to attack her. Strong hands pulled her off of Sam though she fought so hard to get her claws into Sam.

"Liz, stop," Jason begged as he held onto her.

"Let me go!" she screamed continuing to go after her, "She killed him. She took my baby away. How could you do that?"

Sam just stared at her as if in a daze, and she stayed quiet. That angered her even more. She owed her an explanation. She deserved to know what could have been going through her mind as she plowed down a four year old little boy.

"Elizabeth, you have to calm down!" Lucky told her stepping in front of her.

She slapped him despite Jason still trying to hold her back, "This is just as much your fault. Yours too, Jason. The things she did, everyone just swept under the rug. No one talked about it. What has that gotten us? Huh? What? A dead son. He's gone, and it's her fault. I'll never hear his voice again. I'll never see his smile or feel his arms hugging me. Why!" she sobbed feeling the fight finally go out of her.

She sank to the ground with Jason still holding on to her, and she just cried.

"Elizabeth," she heard Sam softly say.

She looked up at her with so much hatred, but she remained silent.

"I didn't know I hit him. It's no excuse, but it's the truth. I didn't know. I am so sorry for the things that have brought us here. I can't fix it, but I deserve whatever I get for this. I did unspeakable things to you. You have every right to attack me. I don't hold it against you. At least you came right at me. I blindsided you every time. I never came right at you. I don't expect forgiveness because I won't ever be able to forgive myself," she spoke solemnly.

Elizabeth just shut her eyes and fell back against Jason as she began crying harder. She felt all the anger disappear from her, and all she felt was hollow. A part of her knew that everyone was watching her, and she just didn't care.

"Take her home," she heard Mac say.

She felt Jason pick her up, and carry to his SUV. She felt detached as he drove her home. She was so sick of crying. She had been crying for almost a week straight, and her eyes hurt from all of it. She felt Jason pick her up after he reached her home. Once in the house he laid her on her couch and crouched next to her.

"Get away from me," she cried turning away from him.

She couldn't look at him. He had gone back to Sam after everything she had done. He had forgiven her so easily, and she just could not forgive him like that.

"Elizabeth," he sighed before leaving her alone with her pain and sorrow.

She managed to stop her tears, and walk to her room. She cleaned up the mess that she had made from whatever she had thrown. She couldn't even tell what it was anymore. She couldn't have cared less anyway. What was a broken thing compared to her broken heart? It just didn't matter anymore. She had to shower and get ready for her boys to come home. She had to appear semi-normal for their sake. She had to continue for Aiden and Cameron.


	9. Reality brought to life

_Thank you everyone that has told me how they feel about this story. Yes, Liz was angry about Sam. I think that after bottling it up for all those years, she had no where else to put it. It just overflowed. Both Jason and Lucky had been with Sam and allowed her to be around the boys and themselves. I hate that Elizabeth has been chastised the way she has. If actress/actors didn't sleep with their significant others sibling, where would the drama be. And Lucky slept with her sister long before Liz ever slept with Nik. Not saying that what she did was okay because it wasn't. But come on. _

_I have had a lot of requests for Liason to reunite and at this moment that is not going to happen. Liz has anger towards Jason. A lot of it. Not saying in the future things will get better. But this is a long road for Liz. Lots of bumps and bruises are to be expected._

_Thank you again for all of the support for this story. I love getting the reviews. It makes me want to keep writing it._

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><p><em>Liz<em>

A couple hours later, she came downstairs to find that her house was empty. She didn't want Jason or Lucky there right now. She knew she would eventually forgive them because she knew that it really wasn't their fault, but she was angry and irrational right now. She had been so grief stricken that she hadn't been able to think about anything other than Jake. She looked at her table and saw her piled up mail sitting there waiting for her. More bills.

That was when she remembered the paternity papers that she had been about to read when Jake got hit. She dug through her mail until she found the loaded envelope. She sat down at her dining room table, and stared at it. She had wanted to know so badly what this letter continued, but now it didn't seem to matter. What did any of it matter at Jake's expense?

She didn't feel anything as she opened the long, white envelope. She didn't feel nervous as she began to read, and saw what she had already suspected. Aiden was Lucky's, but it didn't matter anymore. She had wanted to share Aiden with Lucky all along, but now she didn't care. She would tell him, and that would be it. Nikolas would be heartbroken, but he would have to deal. If she could do it he would have to do it.

She placed the results back into the envelope as she heard a knock on her door. She took all her mail and hid it in a nearby drawer. She opened the door to find Matt standing in front her. She was surprised that he was there. He was her first visitor that wasn't her brother, Lucky, or Jason.

"Matt?"

"Hey, can I come in?" he asked timidly.

She moved out of his way so he could come in, "I am surprised to see you here."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Oh, no. It's good. Just surprising that's all. What brings you by?"

"I wanted to see how you were. Maxie told me what happened at the police station."

"She heard from Mac?"

"Yes, she did. I wished I could have seen it for myself because I have a hard time picturing meek Nurse Webber attacking Sam McCall. It would have been entertaining to say the least. The reason why not so much. I am so sorry, Elizabeth."

"Yeah, well. She had it coming for a long time. A very long time," she replied darkly.

"I can imagine. I mean I don't know the whole story. It all happened long before my time, but Maxie said it wasn't a pretty past."

"Maxie is Sam's friend. She has only heard Sam's side, and Maxie is not exactly a fan of mine."

"No, she isn't. But she is sympathetic to you losing your son, and Sam is the one that hit him. I still can't believe that."

"I can't wrap my mind around it either. Look, I really don't want to talk about it."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. How are you doing?"

"I am surviving. The boys should be home soon and that will make it easier and harder. Cam still doesn't understand that Jake is not coming back. How's the hospital? It feels like forever since I have been there even though it has only been a few days."

"The hospital still stands so that's something. You are missed."

"Thank you. I miss everyone else. Or at least I will once all this starts getting easier."

"When do you think you will be coming back?"

"Who knows, Matt. This is just all so overwhelming."

He nodded in understanding, "I have no clue what this must feel like to you, but I get how it could be overwhelming especially adding the hospital into the mix."

She shrugged and sat down on the couch, "Matt thanks for coming. I don't understand why you came, but I am surprised how glad I am that you did. It's nice to have someone here that isn't close to the situation."

He smiled a little, "Yeah, I guess I am an outsider. I consider you my friend, Liz. We've worked together for a while now. It's weird being in that place without seeing you. So I thought I would come by as soon as I heard that Sam had been responsible. I was looking for an excuse any ways."

She couldn't help but crack a smile, "You and Drake, so smooth."

"It's in our blood. What can I say?" he retorted shrugging nonchalantly.

Matt ended up staying even after the boys came home, and she found herself feeling semi normal in his presence. It was nice that he was there, and there was no baggage with him. It was just nice to have a friend that was there just for her.

"Well, I am going to get going. Rounds are calling me. I will come by again if that's okay with you," he questioned heading towards the door.

"That would be fine. Thank you, Matt, for coming by. It helped more than you'll ever know."

She walked him to the door, and was surprised when he hugged her, "You're going to be okay. You have more support than you'll ever realize."

She pulled away gently, "Thank you again. Now go to work."

As he was walking out Jason showed up and all of it flooded back to her. She had been able to forget for a little while, but seeing him slowly make his way up to her brought it all down crashing. Matt looked back at her, but continued on. She sighed as she let Jason in with her. She knew eventually she would have to face reality. She had just hoped that it wouldn't be so soon.

"Where are the boys?" he asked looking around.

"Cam is next door at a friend's house, and Aiden is napping upstairs."

"Elizabeth," he started but she held up her hand.

"I am not ready to talk about this yet. It still hurts too much. I am still too angry with you. Maybe that's irrational, but I have the right to be irrational right now. You brought this woman back into your life after knowing the things that she was capable of. And I am expected to believe that she is sincere about turning herself in. I have seen her "sincere" when she was trying to apologize to me about the stuff that had happened. She only did it to save face with Lucky, and he forgave her too. He took her back after everything that had happened.

"I have made mistakes and I have lied, but I have yet to be forgiven so easily as Sam. Why is she always given the easy road while I get raked over the coals?"

"Elizabeth, she is not going to be forgiven so easily for this."

She scoffed, "That's crap. Do you think she'll even see any jail time? You never have. She'll get away with this like she gets away with everything. She got away with allowing that woman to kidnap Jake. She got away with hiring those men. Now she'll get a slap on the wrist for hitting our son and killing him.

"I can just see her defense. The roads are bad. It was dark. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, yeah, I've thought about it. This is wrong. I will be pressing charges against her. I won't just go away this time. If I can't get her for criminal charges then there will be punitive damages or wrongful death. Whatever it takes," she rambled angrily.

"Then do it. It won't make you feel better. It won't bring him back."

"I know that! I know he won't ever be back. I know I will never see him again. But she has to pay! I can't just let this go."

"I will stand by your choice. I will stand by whatever you decide to do."

"Then you will leave as well. I can't be around you right now. I can't even look at you. I keep seeing you with her at the hospital. I keep seeing you in the hallway telling me about Carly's daughter needed Jake's kidneys. We never would have had to have that conversation if Sam wasn't still in your life. How could you let her back in? How could you turn away from me and the boys because your life was too dangerous, and let the most dangerous creature sleep next to you every night?

"We could have had a life. Jake could have had a life with you. It all feels so wrong, and we could have prevented it. It could have been stopped, Jason."

She watched the tears slide down his face, and she knew she had gone too far. She couldn't stop herself. It was all too much. She couldn't keep her feelings in.

"I don't want to leave you," he whispered looking away from her.

"You already did. You already walked away when all I wanted was just to love you. You couldn't be with me because of your life. In the end, it didn't matter if you were in our lives or not. Your choice to be with her ended up taking Jake from us forever. I am to blame as well. I wasn't watching him. I was distracted, but no other car hit him. Sam did. All it took was a second and everything we ever had went with Jake."

He stepped towards her, "No, it didn't. We were more than just Jake. We were more than that one night. Jake was our love come to life. Years of friendship and depending on each other came to a reality. Walking away from you and the boys was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I regretted it every time I say you with them. I thought about you every day."

"And our reality is dead. Our son is dead. Sam has won. Now, leave!" she cried turning away from him.

She didn't move until she heard the door close behind him, and then she sank to the ground. She had always loved him. He had been her savior in the hardest times of her life. She would have to find it in her to forgive him, but she didn't have that ability at the moment. She didn't want to forgive anyone. She wasn't ready for that yet. He needed to hear what she felt.

_Jason_

He stopped just outside her door after walking out. He had never seen her hateful towards him before. She had been angry, but never hateful. He deserved it. He had promised her the world, and then in a moment it was all taken away. He still didn't know how it had found it in his heart to forgive Sam.

He had walked away from Elizabeth and the boys. He had overlooked all the things Sam had done. He hadn't had a moment of peace since he had walked away from her. He had regretted it every single day, but he had felt it was the only way. He didn't know he would be so wrong. He didn't know that ultimately that the damage would be irrevocable.


	10. Lucky knows

_Again thanks to everyone. This is a chapter just for Elizabeth. it isn't very long. But I am trying to speed it up a little bit. Enjoy._

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><p><em>Liz<em>

That night after the boys had gone to bed, she sat down with the results in her hands and she just stared at them. She was going over the night that she and Lucky had made Aiden. It was the first time they had been together since they had gotten back together. The night he had given her an engagement, and asked her to be his wife. Of course, Nikolas and Rebecca had shown up when he was about to ask her. She always thought that she had slept with Lucky that night in reaction to the other two showing up, but she had been wrong. She had needed to be Lucky that night. She had been so sure that night that she loved him completely and wholly.

She didn't feel that way anymore. She didn't feel anything anymore for any of the men that had helped her wreck her life. She didn't care about Jason, Lucky, or Nikolas. Lucky had been so hateful to her after what had happened with Nikolas, and he had every right to be. Yet, she was supposed to forgive him when he had slept with Sarah, Maxie, and then Sam. She had been expected to get over everything.

Jason. Her love for Jason had started after Lucky had supposedly died. They had connected through her grief. He had let her vent and cry and act out however she wanted. Then he pushed her away time and time again. He had constantly told her of the danger, and she could never understand why it was okay for Carly, Courtney, and Sam. It didn't matter anymore.

Nikolas. He had pursued her despite the love he had for his brother. He had told her he loved her and wanted her. She had given in despite everything in her telling her how wrong it was. It was so wrong. She could never take back that damage, but now it seemed so unimportant. All of it was just so irrelevant.

She was jolted out of her thoughts by a knock on her door. She looked at the clock and saw that it was late.

"Coming," she called when whoever it was knocked again.

She folded the paper up and slipped it into her pocket. She sighed to herself as she opened the door. Lucky was standing in front of her. She was surprised that she didn't feel the rage anymore as she looked at him. All her anger seemed to have just left her body when Jason left.

"Come in," she told him softly before walking away.

She heard him close the door behind him as she walked back to the couch.

"Are the boys in bed?"

"Yes, Aiden and Cam just went down. They've had a rough few days. Hopefully, I can get them back into a routine."

He cautiously sat down next to her on the couch and warily looked at her, "How are you doing?"

"Peachy. What is going on with Sam?"

"She's in custody. She'll go before the judge tomorrow for her bail to be set. I am sure Alexis will post it."

She rolled her eyes and sighed. Of course Alexis would stand by her daughter. She had forgiven Sam for sleeping with Ric. What was killing a small child compared to that?

"I wanted to come by earlier but I wasn't sure if it would be a good idea. I wanted to see how you would act once you saw me. You were pretty angry with me," he started slowly as if he was afraid of her.

"I was angry with you. In a way, I still am. But it's not your fault. Besides, there's something that I need to tell you that made me not so angry anymore."

"What's that?" he asked curiously relaxing a little.

She reached into her pocket and removed the paper. It looked so innocent but it was loaded with disastrous news.

"A couple weeks ago, I sent out for something. It was obviously something that happened before all of this with Jake. I needed to know for sure so I had another paternity test done in secret. Without your knowledge or Nikolas'. Especially without Helena's knowledge of it. Crazy bitch," she said mumbling the last part.

"You did another paternity test?" he questioned in disbelief tensing up again.

She nodded and handed him the paper. She wanted him to read it for himself. She couldn't be the one to make him realize that Aiden was his. She watched as his eyes widened as he read the truth that was in his hands. He looked up at her in shock and awe.

"Mine? He's mine?"

She wanted to smile at him for reassurance but she didn't have it in her. She just didn't care anymore.

"Yes, he is yours. Helena faked the other tests. Not surprising at all," she stated simply.

He sat back against the couch and closed his eyes. She knew he was trying to absorb what he had just learned. That was what he did when he was trying to understand something. Like he was letting it wash over him completely and utterly.

"He's mine," he whispered with his eyes still closed.

"I think that you and I should both tell Nikolas together."

"I agree. Elizabeth, I know that I shouldn't say this. But I always knew he was mine. I knew it from the moment I looked at him. I have a son. We have a son. From that night. That absolutely amazing night."

"Easy, Lucky. This doesn't mean anything for you and me."

"I know. I mean since I am getting married to Siobhan and all. But Elizabeth, it just shows we weren't all for nothing. It shows that despite all that happened, it was worth it. It meant more than just pain. Aiden was conceived in love, and not lies."

She should have cared about that dig, but she didn't. He was right. The night Aiden was conceived was a magical night for her and Lucky, but it didn't matter anymore.

She was caught off guard when he abruptly hugged her, and she was too tired to resist. She pulled away first and moved away from him.

"So hopefully, everything that happened between me and Nikolas is just a distant memory. We need to focus on him and Cam, and nothing else." Elizabeth stated looking at Jake's picture on the fireplace.

"Elizabeth, I have already let go of that. In retrospect, I was no better than you with what I did with Maxie and Sam. That stuff is over. We have something to actually look forward to," he assured her.

She turned around to face him, "You have something to look forward to. I have been with Aiden all along. I have nothing to look forward to except taking care of my two boys. Two, Lucky, not three. I love Aiden and Cam, and I never want to take for granted the time I have with them. I am trying so hard, but it just seems endless. This grief feels like it will never end."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Elizabeth, please, let me help you with this. I will step up. You know I will. I already loved Aiden before this, but it just felt like it exploded inside me. We can do this together."

She angrily wiped the tears from her face. She was so sick of crying. She was sick of hurting, and it had only just started.

"Lucky, when will it stop hurting? When?" she cried turning away from him again.

"I really don't have an answer for that. If I knew I would tell you. You just have to let yourself feel what you feel."

She took a deep breath, "Please, can you just leave for now? I just want to go to bed, and be alone. I just want to cry alone."

He nodded before gently kissing her forehead and he was gone. She was alone just like she had wanted to be. She lay down on her couch and closed her eyes. She wanted to forget. She wanted the images to all go away. It never was going to stop.


	11. Back to reality

_Liz_

Two weeks later and Liz was still a ghost of her former self. She and Lucky told Nikolas the truth about Aiden's paternity the day after she had told him. She was so numb she didn't react to Nikolas calling her a liar until Lucky showed him the results. She didn't care when Nikolas' heart broke audibly right in front of her. She didn't cry when he cried over losing Aiden that way. All she could think was at least he is alive. At least he would still be able to hold Aiden even if he was only his uncle. It was better than nothing.

Two weeks and she had gotten detached from everyone other than her boys. In those two weeks she had not seen Jason once. She didn't run into him at the pier though she never went there anymore. She didn't see him at Kelly's. She figured he was going to listen to her, and leave her alone.

Steve had told her she could come back to work when she was ready, but when would she ever be ready, so she was going back two weeks after Jake's death. She needed to just get back into the real world. She was ready to get out of the house.

Riding in the elevator up to her floor, she hoped that she wasn't pushing this too soon. She jumped a little when the elevator stopped on her floor, and she slowly walked out. She saw Epiphany looming at the nurse's station, and she prayed she wasn't in a bad mood. She didn't know if she could handle that right now.

"Elizabeth, it's good to have you back," Epiphany declared plastering a genuine smile on her face

.

"Thanks," she replied sheepishly as she started going through a pile of charts.

She quickly got into the groove that was work. She took care of her patients and seemed to forget about her problems for the moment. That was why she was ready to go back to work. She could check her problems at the door, and just focus on something else.

"Elizabeth, good to have you back," Patrick smiled his most dimply smile.

She nodded and forced a smile for him. He had to know it was fake, but he seemed to let it go. Matt sauntered up to the nurse's station with his normal arrogance wafting off of him, but she didn't mind it. He had a right to be arrogant. He was a good doctor that had to live in his big brother's shadow, and it was a big shadow.

"Nurse Webber, it always a good day when your pretty face graces our presence," he flattered shamelessly.

Any other time she would have rolled her eyes and made a smart remark to him, but today she just didn't care.

"Matt, why are you so cheerful?" she asked continuing to work.

"Happy to see you, of course. Why else? It's good to have you back all considered. Oh and I just saved a life. That always makes my day," he replied smiling his best Drake smile.

It was infectious because she actually involuntarily smiled back a little. She had almost forgot what that was like.

"Is that a smile?" Drake noticed.

She shrugged and walked away. She had things to do. The day passed by faster than she expected, and she realized suddenly that her shift was over. She felt a little life in her despite how crappy she felt. She was glad, in the end, that she had come back. Life did seem to go on despite what she had originally thought.

She got her boys and went home to finish the day. She was even relieved when Lucky came to have dinner with them. He brought Siobhan, but somehow it didn't bother her. She hadn't wanted to like the woman in the beginning, but she really wasn't as bad as she first thought and Lucky seemed happy. By the time the boys were asleep and Lucky and Siobhan were gone, she was exhausted.

Sitting in her living room almost asleep there was a knock on her door. Who in the hell could that be, she thought to herself. She didn't think she would have any visitors this late at night. She trudged over to her door and found Matt standing in front of her smiling.

"Another visit? To what do I owe the pleasure?" she asked shutting the door behind them.

"I want to apologize if I was too happy to see you today. I was just really glad you decided to come back," he answered.

"Oh, Matt, it's fine. I actually cracked a smile because of your over zealousness. It helped so don't worry about it," she assured as she tucked her legs underneath her on the couch.

"Good 'cause Patrick chided me for my exuberance."

She actually laughed a little, "Patrick is jealous. I faked my smile for him. Yours was a real smile."

He beamed at that, "I knew he was losing his touch. He doesn't flirt like he used to and he doesn't have that magic way the ladies like I do."

"Okay, don't get ahead of yourself."

"Again sorry. It's just nice to do beat him even if it just for once. He's a lot to live up to, and if he isn't bad enough there is my father's shadow. I am truly glad that you are back."

"Thank you, Matt. So where is Maxie tonight?"

"Somewhere with Spinelli doing something crazy or outlandish. I can't keep track anymore. I was just getting off at the hospital and I thought I would come by. I was glad to see your lights were still on. How are you doing?"

"Honestly?"

"Yes, honestly."

"Better than I expected, but I guess it would have happened eventually. One good day after many rough ones. Who knows how I will be tomorrow? But today was manageable. I had a good day with the kids. I had a good day at work. No one died, always a good thing. So I mean I guess it is proof that life goes on."

"Unfortunately sometimes it does. I am sure there will be more bad days. I am glad today was a little easier."

"I guess I have become numb to things. I don't look toward the door anymore expecting Jake to come through the door. It's surreal to not have the constant worrying why he isn't here."

"I can't imagine."

"I wouldn't want you to, Matt. You know that Sam's court date is soon. I am sure there will be hard days there too. And then in May it will be Jake's birthday. That will be the hardest day to get through."

"Well, why don't you do something for it? Not a party. But just something to celebrate his life and not mourn it."

She chewed on that for a moment in silence. It wasn't a bad idea. It would be good to do something happy that day instead of be sad.

"I'll think it over. If I do something like that will you come?"

"Of course I will."

"Good. Wow, that's twice in one day you have made me smile. What's your secret, Dr. Hunter?"

"To be honest, I do not know. I am just trying to be supportive, and I like spending time with you. You are calm compared to the chaos that is Maxie."

She shook her head, "Sometimes I wonder what you are doing with her. Then I remember it is none of my business."

"I sometimes don't know either. Well, I am going to get going. I will see you tomorrow then."

She stood up and hugged him catching him off guard, "Matt, thank you so much. You have no idea how much you help me."

She felt him hug her back tightly before finally letting her go. She watched him walk to his car feeling lucky to have such a good friend in him. It was easy to talk to him. She could talk to him like she used to be able to talk to Jason before everything got so complicated.

Life was just so complicated and it was nice to have a friendship that wasn't even if Matt was with Maxie of all people. She groaned to herself at the thought of it. Matt and Maxie seemed so very opposite of each other, but maybe it worked. She shook her head to get rid of the thoughts of Maxie floating in her mind. She did not want to think about Maxie. She disliked the bleach blonde almost as much as she disliked Carly.

Carly. She hadn't seen Carly since that fateful day in the hospital. She hadn't come to Jake's funeral. Elizabeth figured that she hadn't wanted to leave Josslyn's bedside. Elizabeth dreaded the day she would see that little girl because all she would see is Jake. She would always think that she was alive because Jake had died. Jake had died because Sam had plowed him down.

She hated when her mind started like this. She started feel the anger and hurt whenever her mind allowed her to think about Sam and Jake. She hated even having both them in the same sentence together. Sam didn't deserve to have her thoughts shared with Jake. Sam deserved to rot in a jail cell til old age claimed her, and if that didn't she would be forced to pay for her damages. Liz had already talked to a lawyer, and would be filing a civil suit against Sam within the next few days.

She would not let this just go away, not again. Sighing, she headed towards her bedroom turning off her lights as she went. After her long day, she needed a good nights sleep. She just hoped sleep would come to her, and the nightmares wouldn't.


	12. Jason just shows up

Thank you everyone that has read and reviewed this story. I had a really hard time with this chapter. Please let me know what you think.

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><p><em>Jason<em>

He hadn't slept much over the last few weeks because he was haunted by Elizabeth's words and looks. She had unleashed years of anger on him, and he knew he deserved it. He had never been one to dwell on others feelings, but how she felt about him mattered more than she would ever know. He missed Jake every day and he couldn't imagine how she was feeling. He was slipping on his duties for Sonny because he just didn't care about the business anymore. Spinelli was no help. His constant chatter about Maxie was driving him out of his mind. He came so close to reminding the ace of cyber space that Maxie had a boyfriend, but he didn't want to take his anger out on his naïve friend.

As he walked down the stairs, he noticed that the penthouse was empty, and he sighed with relief. He only ever wanted to be alone anymore. He had run into Robin the day before and she had let him know that Elizabeth was back at work. He was proud of her for getting back into life again. He knew she was stronger than anyone ever gave her credit for. She had survived so much, himself included.

He suddenly needed to get out of the house. He needed to get on his bike, and just ride. He rode like he used to do with Elizabeth on the back yelling for him to go faster. He could almost hear her voice now as he let the throttle loose. He could almost feel her arms tightening around her as he hit top speed on the open road. He missed her with every fiber of his being, and that is how it always had been. Since the moment he had walked away from him 2 years ago.

He found himself at the bridge to nowhere, and he walked to look out at the world around him. He had wanted to share this place with Jake some day when he got older. He had never even known that Jason was his father though all a person had to do was look at him, and know that he was a part of Jason. He could still remember the last time he had spent with him, and it was tainted by Sam.

He gritted his teeth every time he thought about Sam which was often. All he had to do was look around the penthouse and think of het. All the time they had spent together in that place. He was tempted to sell it just to get a new start. He wanted to leave this town all together. He was just over it all. His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he was tempted to ignore it. He pulled it out and saw Sonny's number staring back at him.

"What, Sonny?"

"_Where are you?"_

"No where. What's up?"

"_We have business to handle. Get over to my place now."_

He hung up his phone and reluctantly went back to his bike. As he drove, he had ever intention on going to Sonny's place, but somehow he found himself at Liz's. It was fairly early in the morning, but he knew she was awake. He got off his bike and walked to her front door. He wasn't going to knock but he did. She opened the door and looked shocked to see him.

"I'm sorry to just show up, but I just suddenly found myself here."

She told him to come in and he felt like he could breathe finally for the first time in weeks.

"How are you doing?" he asked as faced him but kept her distance.

"Surviving. Taking it one day at a time. How are you?" she asked keeping her voice neutral and flat.

There was no emotion in her voice, and she barely looked at him.

"I am miserable to be honest," he asked sitting on her couch.

"It's awfully early. I just got Cam off to school and Lucky took Aiden for the day. What are you doing out so early?"

"Couldn't sleep. Haven't really slept since Jake died."

"I know how that goes," she stated simply.

"I am sorry, Elizabeth."

"Sorry for what?"

"Everything. I should have done something about Sam sooner. I should have let you kick her ass the other night. I should have let you kill her."

"Yes, maybe you should've, but you didn't and there is no going back. In every way of the meaning we cannot go back. It just wouldn't work now."

He looked at her as if she was reading the questions in his head and answering them before he even had a chance to speak them out loud. There was their connection they had always had. It wasn't just buried with Jake, but it looked like she was going to deny it. Maybe it was just easier for her that way. Maybe too much bad had happened and made it hard for her to believe it still existed.

He stood and she stepped back without even realizing it. It hurt him that she couldn't even be near him.

"You are still angry," he stated.

She only nodded and didn't say anything to him.

"I'll go. I just wanted to stop by and see how you were."

She walked to the door and opened it for him, "I'll be fine. As fine as I'll ever get without my son at least."

Her words and tone stung him. He had never seen her so cold before, and she had never been frosty towards him. At this point he didn't think she would ever forgive him, and that bothered him more than he liked.

_Liz_

She watched Jason pull away, and breathed a sigh of relief. She knew that she had been harsh with him, but she just wasn't ready. She didn't like that he just showed up. She also hated the distance between them. It had never been there before, but since Jake's death the gap between them was getting wider. She didn't know how to fix it except with time. Time was supposed to heal all wounds.

She trudged up to her bedroom and got ready for work. On her way to work she tried to why she was so angry with him. She always been able to forgive Jason for anything, but this was different. Sam had been his girlfriend. He had left Elizabeth and the boys, and gone back to Sam despite everything. It was a deep wound that started long before Jake had died.

Once at work she decided to put it out of her mind for now. She couldn't change how she felt, and she wasn't going to worry about when she needed to be focused on work.

Today was busy at the hospital. There had been an accident involving four cars as soon as she walked in the door. By the time her break came, she felt like her legs weighed a ton. She sat down in the locker room and thought about the casualties from the accident. She was thankful she didn't have to tell the loved ones that the person they loved was no longer with them. She wouldn't have been able to control the tears.

Her own tears started just as Matt walked into the locker room to get ready for work. She quickly sat up straight and wiped the tears from her eyes in hopes that he wouldn't notice. He did, of course. Matt didn't miss much.

"What happened?" he asked sitting next to her.

She shook her head, "Nothing. It's just been a long day already. Two people died today after a really bad accident this morning. Thank God that I didn't have to share that news. Maybe it is too soon for me to back."

"I don't think so. I think that you are going to look at this job differently forever. This job is about being objective, and your eyes have been opened. You'll become numb to it again eventually, but you will also be sympathetic to the loved ones of the patients. It might be a good thing. You'll be able to let them know that you've been there, and eventually it does get easier. I mean I don't know, but it might help to be able to relate to the person who has just had everything ripped away. You may not be there yet, but you will be in time. I have faith in you."

"Yeah, I guess you have a point. I never really thought about it that way. I guess it's hard to something positive and light in a place that feels negative and dark."

"Sometimes all you need is an outsider looking in to help you see the bigger picture."

"Thank you so much, Matt. You surprise me, you really do."

"I surprise most people once they get to know me. I am not as arrogant as I seem. I just don't want anyone to know how little faith I have in myself."

"You really should try letting more people in because I think you are pretty amazing, flaws and all. I need to get back. I'll see you later."


	13. Jake's and Johnny Z?

__Sorry if the last chapter was a little rough. This chapter will hopefully make up for it. Thank you to everyone that has read and reviewed. It helps more than you know.

I promise to keep updating as much as can.

Again I do not own these characters. ABC Does.

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><p><em>Liz<em>

It was well after her shift at the hospital, but Elizabeth hadn't gone home yet. Lucky was going to keep the boys for the night so she found herself with nothing to do. She stood out on the docks staring at the water as she had done so many times before, but the water wasn't having the same effect on as it used to. She found herself anxious instead of relaxed. She felt that she should apologize to Jason. She knew it was wrong to be that angry with him and to treat him the way she had been. He was hurting and alone in his grief. She couldn't keep ignoring the fact that she be a little bit more gracious towards him. If she had been actually paying attention to Jake then none of them would be feeling the way they were feeling now.

She turned as Jason walked onto the docks. She managed to muster up a smile for him instead of her grimace that she wore this morning. He cautiously walked up to her.

"Hi," he greeted keeping his distance.

"Hi, I was just thinking about you."

"Really? What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about what a bitch I have been to you."

He seemed surprised at the bluntness of her statement, "You have been angry."

"Yes, I have been very angry. I am still angry, but I shouldn't take that out on you. I still need time, but if we run into each other or something I won't act like that anymore. It's exhausting being angry with you. It feels wrong to be that angry when it really isn't your fault that this happened."

"But it is. I let Sam get away with so much. I should never have trusted her the way that I did."

"No, you are right, you should not have trusted her, but there is nothing any of us can do about that now. Jason, I don't want to get into this, I just want to say don't be afraid to talk to me when you see me. Not that you are ever afraid of anything. I just want you to know I won't act like it's all your fault anymore. I will be nicer. I guess I just don't know how to do all this yet, and I don't know how I am supposed to act. I miss him so much," she confessed looking out at the water.

"You don't have to apologize to me. I was surprised that you could be so cold. I have never been on that end of your anger before. You have only ever been kind and warm towards me. But I get it. You were hurt. You have nowhere to put your anger. It's not like you can go take it out on Sam."

She laughed humorlessly, "I wish I could. I wish that Mac would let me in a room alone with her for just an hour. A room with no windows. It would be vindicating to tear into that woman."

"You did a pretty good job at the police station."

"You stopped me before I could do any real damage."

"I had to. I didn't want you to get arrested. Not for Sam. Not for anyone."

She shrugged still not looking at him. She was trying to be on her best behavior and looking at him would not help her in any way. The anger was still there at the forefront of her mind and heart.

"I miss him too. I can't imagine what it must be like for you, but I do miss him. I used to think about him all the time. I would imagine him playing with Cam. I would imagine the different things that you would be doing with him at whatever time it was that I was thinking about you."

"The thing is, Jason. I don't have to imagine those things. I look at the clock and still think things like it's time to feed the boys. I have to stop myself from calling out for Jake when he doesn't show up to the table as he always did before. Or when I give Cam or Aiden a bath, I feel like I am not finished, and that's when I realize that I hadn't bathed Jake yet. It never stops.

"I know it is getting easier, but it is still so very hard. It really is."

"I am sorry, Elizabeth. I wish things could be different."

"I know you do, but they aren't. This is our life now, and we just have to do the best to move on even though it seems too hard sometimes. I want to be happy again. I just don't know how I am going to get there."

"I want that too," he said taking a step toward her.

She tensed up and turned to look at him, "I better go. I will try harder to not take my anger and frustration out on you, but that's all I can promise you right now. That's all I have to give."

With that being said, she turned around and headed to her car at the hospital. As she got to her car, she saw Matt and Maxie arguing in the distance. She rolled her eyes as she got in her car and took off. She was glad she didn't have that kind of relationship to deal with. Who knows what drama Maxie was bringing to the table now. She would never understand what Matt saw in Maxie, but again it was just none of her business.

She saw Jake's coming up in the distance, and decided what the hell. Why not? She hadn't had a drink at Jake's since before Aiden was conceived. She parked her car, and went inside. She was glad she had changed out of her scrubs after work. She walked inside and saw Olivia sitting at the bar talking to Coleman.

"Nurse Webber, it is so good to see you in here," Coleman greeted as she sat down next to Olivia.

"Thanks, it's been awhile."

"Yes, it has. How are you doing?"

"One day at a time. Lucky has the boys tonight so I thought I would stop in for a drink. Hey, Liv, how you been?"

"Pretty good. It is good to see you out and about. I was worried you were never going to be out again."

She threw back a shot that Coleman had given her and replied back, "Never say never."

A couple hours later she found herself sitting with Olivia away from the bar and other patrons talking. She told Liv everything like she would have if Emily was around. She wondered why she had been so honest with Liv and not said anything to Robin. Robin did have her own things to deal with, and she hadn't really been by since Jake had died.

"I think you are brave and amazing," Liv confessed sincerely breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Brave? I am not brave. I am alone and scared."

"Maybe, but you are facing your fears. You are still going on with your life and trying to live it. I don't honestly know what I would do if it was me."

"Well, I hope you never have to know though Dante has gotten some close calls, and he is a cop. All kinds of hazards there. Same thing goes for Lucky. They put their lives on the line every day with what they do. They are brave. I am just passing through life hoping that it gets easier than it has been over the last few weeks."

"I wish there was something I could say to help that along, but there isn't. Just kept doing what you are doing. Be there for you boys. And keep Jason wondering. You have every right to be angry with him, but you are trying to be the bigger person. That is bravery. That is compassion."

She sat back in her chair as Coleman brought her another beer, "I guess so. I just feel like I have to let go my anger towards him. I mean it wasn't his fault I wasn't paying attention to Jake, but if he had kept that woman away. Oh, I don't know, maybe things could have been different. Who knows where we'd be if he and I had actually gotten married? Wouldn't that have been something?"

"Maybe, but no sense dwelling on the past. Can't change it. All you can do is live in the moment."

"You are right, Liv. You are so very, very right," she agreed standing up.

She felt a little shaky, and knew she should get a cab.

"Elizabeth, want me to call a cab for you?" Liv asked standing up with her.

"I think that would be a good idea. I hadn't planned on getting drunk but I guess it happened," she smiled at her silliness.

She was drunk, and she couldn't even remember the last time she drank enough to get drunk. She was glad she did not have to work tomorrow because she was going to have a hangover.

"I got her," a voice said behind her.

She turned to see Johnny Zaccahara standing ten feet away. She had never really known him, but he would forever be linked to the night of Emily's death. It was the first time she had ever seen him. She remembered thinking that he was troubled kid. She only found out later that he was as troubled as he seemed. He was an older version of Michael.

"You got her what, John?" Olivia asked defensively.

"I'll take her home," he answered challenging Olivia.

"Why would you do that? You don't even know me."

"You are important to Lulu and Jason. So it's important you get there safe."

"So you want points with Jason. Make sure you let him know you rescued the damsel in distress," she retorted sarcastically.

"Call it whatever you want. I am taking you home, so let's go."

She was too drunk to fight it. She wanted to go home, and crawl into bed. She wanted to hide away from the world. She said goodbye to Liv, and followed Johnny to his car. He already had the door open for her, and she almost fell into the seat. She was quiet the entire way home. She didn't ask how he already knew where she lived. It was an answer that she didn't want to know.

"You are safe. Did you need help into the house?" he asked parking in her driveway.

She vehemently shook her head, and got out. She was going to hate herself in the morning for getting so drunk. She didn't hear Johnny's car leave until she was in the house. She still didn't really get how that had happened, but she was glad to be home. Her bed was calling to her as she threw her purse onto the couch. She was halfway upstairs when her phone rang from in her purse. She thought about ignoring it, but thought better of it in case it was Lucky.

"Hello," she slurred.

"Did you make it home?" Liv's voice rang from the other end.

"Yes, I did. He dropped me off and left. Seriously what was that all about?"

"Not too sure. I'll come get you in the morning to take you to your car."

She mumbled something and hung up the phone. She just wanted to go to bed and sleep until the hangover was gone. This was not something she did very often, and as the world began spinning a little, she understood why.


	14. The hangover

_Thanks again for reading and reviewing. I am happy with the response so far of throwing Johnny into the mix. We shall see what happens. Liz is a beautiful woman and deserves to have positive attention from the men of Port Charles. More to come. Enjoy._

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><p><em>Liz<em>

As morning came, Liz felt the pounding of her head increase. She didn't want to open her eyes because she knew it would so much worse. She has so glad Lucky was keeping the boys until the afternoon. She slowly rolled over and looked at the clock. She hated opening her eyes but she really didn't have a choice. 9:30. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept past 7.

Groaning she got out of bed and made her way to bathroom. Looking into the mirror all she saw was a mess, one big hot mess. She managed to get a brush through the mop on her head. After washing her face, she felt like somewhat of a human. She rummaged through her medicine cabinet for aspirin or something to help alleviate her headache, not succeeding. She sighed and went downstairs. She had to have something in the kitchen to get rid of this pounding in her head. After starting the coffee, she looked in the cabinet that she kept the kid's medicine and found what she had been looking for.

"Jackpot," she smiled pulling out the treasured bottle of aspirin.

After pouring herself her second cup of coffee, she was beginning to feel a little better. A little more normal. She smirked at that thought, normal. What was normal? Would she ever know it again?

She didn't have to wait long for Olivia to show up to take her to her car. She had barely gotten dress when Liv knocked on the door.

"Thanks for taking me to my car. I cannot believe that I got so drunk last night. It was not my intention."

"It's understandable. You have been fighting a good fight to seem normal. Last night you just let go a little bit."

"I guess, but I won't be doing it again for a while. I felt very rough this morning."

"I bet. I felt a little worse for wear myself."

Liv pulled up next to her car, and she looked at her before speaking, "Thanks for being there last night and listening to me. I guess I am pleasantly surprised by the support that I am getting. My brother is a lucky guy. I just hope he realizes it."

"He wasn't too happy when I told him you went home with Johnny last night, or that I let you. But I knew fully well I could not drive and John didn't do anything but drop you off. I hope that's all he did."

"What would matter if he did? He didn't, but it shouldn't be an issue if he did try something."

"It would only be issue because he would have been taking advantage."

Liz knew that was not the case but she wasn't going to push it, "Some night you and Steve are going to have to come over for dinner with me and the boys."

"Okay, I think your brother would like that. I know I would enjoy spending time with little ones again."

She nodded sadly and got out. She would love to just see her son again. That is what she wished more than anything else in the world. She got in her car, and drove to Kelly's. She was starting to get hungry and didn't want to go home to be alone at the moment. Once inside Kelly's she thought maybe she didn't want to be around people, but she had already been spotted by Matt who was waving for her to come over. She wondered how rude she would be if she acted like she didn't see him and just turn around.

Instead she walked over to his table and sat down, "Hello, Matt. Where is Maxie?"

He merely shrugged and smiled, "No idea. Haven't seen her since we got into an argument last night."

"I know. I saw the two of you as I left last night."

"At the hospital? You should have already been gone by then."

"I went down to the docks. I wanted some fresh air."

"But?"

"But it didn't work like it used to. I used to be able to go down to the docks when I was having a difficult time, and just look out at the water and instantly feel better. It used to calm me. It used to help me. Now it doesn't. It made me feel anxious. Restless. I also ran into Jason. That always makes things complicated. I remember when he used to be my safe haven. My solace."

"And now? What is he?"

"A constant reminder of the life that has passed away. A constant reminder of the little boy that is no longer alive. I want to be there for him because I know he is hurting too, but I can't see past my own pain."

"I see. So what did you do after you left the hospital when you saw me arguing with dramatic Maxie?" he asked changing the subject which she was grateful for.

"Well, I went to Jake's actually. I got drunk. Like really drunk. Olivia was there, and the drinking just started until I was drunk."

"I could see how that could happen. Sometimes things are so hard that our mind needs an escape. I am sure you didn't mean to get so drunk. You didn't drive did you?"

She shook her head, "No, Johnny drove me home."

Surprise filled his face, "Johnny? Like Johnny Zacchara?"

"I know surprising, isn't it?"

"I didn't know you were friends with him."

"I'm not. He was just making sure I got home safe. I am sure there was an ulterior motive. Brownie points with Jason and Sonny."

"Or maybe he was just trying to be helpful."

"Hmm. Maybe, but who really knows?"

She was glad when her meal came because her stomach felt like it was going to eat itself. They were quiet for a little while they both ate. She was glad that they were able to sit together and be comfortable in silence.

"So what were you and Maxie fighting about," she asked finally knowing that he wanted to talk about what had happened.

"The better question would be, what don't we fight about? We fight about everything. At first it wasn't so bad. It used to be kind of hot, but now it is just getting so old. So annoying. I am sick and tired of fighting with her. If I am not fighting with her, I am trying to find her so we can spend time together. Things are just not going good, and I don't see them getting any better any time some."

"What are you going to do about it? I mean only you and Maxie can change it. It is up to you and her, and no one else. It's your relationship. Do you want to fix it? Or do you want to cut your losses while you still have your dignity?"

"Oh, wow. Are you saying my dignity is in jeopardy?"

"I am saying that you are arguing with her in public. She is constantly leaving you to go run after Spinelli or do some errand Kate. You can be happy. You just have to decide what makes you happy," she replied standing up to go pay for her breakfast.

"I got this, Elizabeth. I think I owe it to you for having to listen to me talk about Maxie. I know she isn't your favorite person."

"No, she isn't, but you're my friend and you been there for me a lot lately. So it was nice to be able to listen and give you some advice. Though Maxie will probably see it differently, but what she thinks does not matter to me."

He laughed and shook his head, "Is it me or are you getting feistier?"

"I've always been feisty. It's just now I care less about hurting people's feelings than I used to. I better get going. Lucky is bringing the boys home soon, and I need to get dinner ready for them. Thanks for lunch, Matt."

He hugged her, "Thank you for giving me the advice that you did. I have a lot to think about now."

"Just do what makes you happy. That's what matters, right."

He nodded and she walked away. She didn't see him watch her as she walked out the door. She had just made it home before Lucky pulled up with the kids. She gave both her boys big hugs and gave Lucky a smile.

"How was your night last night?" he asked coming inside with her and the boys.

"Interesting to say the least. I ended up going to Jake's last night."

He cracked a smile as if he knew where this was going, "And how did that go?"

"Olivia was there and I had a little too much to drink. I had to be brought home."

"You took a cab? Well, at least you didn't drive."

"I didn't take a cab," she told him putting Aiden down in his playpen.

He had fallen asleep in her arms, and she couldn't help but think how beautiful he looked when he slept. He looked so much like Lucky.

"I hope Olivia didn't bring you home if she was drinking also."

"Um, no. Actually Johnny brought me home"

"Elizabeth," he started but she stopped him.

"He offered and I took him up on it. He dropped me off and left. It was no big deal."

He shook his but dropped the subject.

"How did Siobhan enjoy having the boys last night?"

"I think she is going to have to get used to being around the boys. She has never really spent that much time with the kids."

"It'll get easier," she offered but sighed at what she ended up saying, "It'll get easier. I am so tired of either hearing that saying or hearing that saying. It is everywhere I turn, and now I am saying it."

"I hear ya. I have heard it a lot too, but that doesn't mean it's not true. It's such a small saying with so much meaning. It's the only thing that comes to mind to try to be helpful. Eventually with time, things will get easier. Look, I better get going. I have to work tonight. Thank you for letting me take the boys. I really love having them."

"It was no problem. I am glad they had fun, and I am glad the Siobhan liked having them too. Lucky," she started but stopped.

"What?" he asked turning to look at her.

"I just wanted to know, how are you doing?"

"Well, some days are harder than others. Last night was a good day. Today is a good day. So I guess I am doing better. It doesn't feel real still."

"Yeah, it doesn't feel like this is how it is supposed to be. I still look for him. I still wait to hear his voice."

"I think I am always going to feel that way. I think you will too."

She shook her head, and wiped her tears away. Damn. She hadn't planned on crying.

"Liz, we can do this together. We just have to be there for each other no matter what," he assured her walking over to her and hugging her tightly.

"Promise?" she asked hugging him back.

He looked at her and kissed her forehead, "Always."


	15. Sam is free?

_Thank you to everyone that has read and reviewed this story. I will try to get another update as soon as possible. Things are escalating in this chapter. I promise Jason and Liz's relationship will get better. I think that Liz has more anger towards Jason than what has been written. I know that if it were me there would be a whole lot more rage than what was given. The man asked her to marry him, told her he loved her, and then walked away. that causes anger, resentment, and hurt. Then bottling it up for three years doesn't help any. Just my opinion. Thanks again for the great reviews. I hope you like this chapter. Let me know what you think._

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><p><em>Liz<em>

Sitting in her living room, fuming, Elizabeth argued on the phone with Diane. The judge had ruled Jake's death an accident, and dismissed the charges.

"Diane, I want to continue with the civil suit. Maybe I can't get her to see jail time, but I want her to know that this isn't just going away!"

Diane agreed to file the papers, and Liz hung up still wanting to hit something. She threw her phone and tried to figure out how this had happened. Of course Sam could get away with murder. That's just how Sam did things. She played the sympathy card, and the judge had agreed that this was not done purposely. At least she would have to pay something.

It wasn't about the money really. Liz would take the money she won and put it in scholarships for the boys. It was really about holding Sam responsible. A knock on her door startled her out of her thoughts. She was angry and didn't want company right now. She stomped over to the door and forcefully swung open the door. There stood Jason. He was the very last person she wanted to see now.

"Now is not the best time, Jason. It just isn't," she informed him attempting to shut the door but he stopped it.

"I heard about Sam. She isn't going to get away with this."

"What are going to do, Jason? Kill her? Make her disappear? I don't think that would sit well with anyone especially Alexis. She will raise wholly hell to make sure that Sam is looked for, and you held responsible for her disappearance," she replied back not moving so that he could come in.

"I can't just sit by and let this go."

"Neither can I. But I am going to do the only legal thing I can do. I am suing her for wrongful death. Diane is taking care of it. She is going to be served today at Alexis'."

"A civil suit. Come on, Liz. That is not good enough."

The fury in her broke loose, "You think I don't know that. You think I don't want to see her go to jail. There is nothing to be done inside of the law. Nothing. This is just how it is. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe she didn't mean to do it. That's what the judge sees. He doesn't know Sam like you and I. Jason, you have gotten away with murder time and time again. That's what you two were good at. Getting away with murder. She learned from the best. Right, Stone Cold?"

He looked wounded and she should have felt bad. She had tried very hard to be kind to him over the last few days, but she had told him she didn't want to do this now. He is the one that insisted on staying. She warned him, and he didn't listen.

"Elizabeth, I get that you are angry," he couldn't finish because she interrupted him.

"Yes, I am angry. I very angry, and I am helpless. I cannot bring my son's murderer to justice. I am pissed, Jason. It will be a bad day for Sam to meet me in an alley right now. But my hands are tied. I have seen some amazing things over the past few years of knowing you. I have seen people disappear off the face of the earth, thanks to you. How is our son any different?" she yelled before slamming the door in his face and walking away.

He seemed to not get the hint because he swung open the door and came inside uninvited, "You can't say something like that to me, and just walk away."

She was so filled with rage. Rage at Sam. Rage at the judge. Rage at him for not giving her the space she had asked for.

"How dare you come into my house? How dare you think you have any right? I will say what I want. Jason, you have always done whatever you wanted. How dare I walk away from you? I learned how to walk away by you. I learned from the very best in the art of turning away from people. You have pushed and pulled me in every single direction. You have held me close, and then when things got too harder you split.

"Oh, it's too dangerous. You can't handle it. You can't, you can't, you can't. The one, the ONE time I tell you leave me alone you can't do it. And you are angry with me for walking away. Give me a freaking break, Jason. Don't play the victim. It is not your forte."

"Don't you see? I can't walk away from you anymore."

"Well, I guess it is too late for that. Don't let your natural leaving skills fail you now. You are so good at slinking off into the shadows. You have been leaving me ever since I met you."

He stepped in front of her, "I am not leaving now."

She pushed him to no avail. He was like a brick wall.

"Get out. Just go. I don't want you here. I don't need you. I have survived the last few years without you. I have done it. Maybe not with the best decisions, but I have done it. Don't you see that I am not the person I was when you met me. I am not even the person I was when you left the last time. I am not going to run to you anymore. I am not going to breakdown and cry on your shoulder. I feel cold inside, Jason. When I look at you it is not the same anymore. All I see when I look at you is Sam!"

He held her wrists to keep her from moving away from him, "All I see when I look at you is Jake."

Tears filled her eyes, "That's not fair. I can't pretend like everything is okay with us. We haven't been okay for a long time."

She tried to yank herself out of his iron grasp, but failed.

"Please, Elizabeth. Stop fighting me."

"Let me go. You asked me once to let you go. I am asking you now to let me go. I need space. I need time. This stuff with Sam just brings all back to the surface. It's like losing him all over again. I've tried so hard to be okay. I have fought to keep it together. I can't depend on you and can't have you depend on me when I am angry with you. I don't want to be mean to you. I don't want to say these things to you. But this didn't just happen because of Jake. This rage in me has been there since you walked away. You promised the moon, and gave me an eclipse. You darkened my world. You changed me," she told him refusing to look him in the eyes.

He gently let go of her hands, and walked away. He turned to look at her one more time, but she couldn't look at him. She just stared at a picture of Jake on the fireplace. She heard the door close behind him, and she broke down. She cried for hurting him. When would she stop hurting him? When would she stop hurting herself?

She felt the sobs continue to build over and over again. Sam had succeeded in forever putting a wedge between her and Jason. The thought of that caused her to cry harder. She suddenly felt Jason's arms around her. She didn't have to look up to know it was him. She would know his touch if she were blind. She didn't fight him. She didn't have any fight left in her. She just wanted him to hold her. She hated to admit that she had missed his comforting embrace. She had been fighting against him so hard for so long.

Her sobs finally subsided and she felt herself calming down. She finally pulled away from him. There it was. The look that he always had when he looked at her. He looked like a burning man.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

He touched her face gently, and she knew what was coming next. She was never so grateful for the knock on her door. She jumped up to answer it, and was surprised to see Matt standing in front her. She was never so glad to see him.

"Come in," she insisted.

Matt looked surprised to see Jason standing in her living room, but he didn't say anything about it.

"I, uh, came to see how you were. Robin said that Sam was set free," he explained nervously.

"You are correct. Jason, I will talk to later," she said dismissing Jason.

He walked out of the house without another word. She looked at Matt apologetically and sat down on the couch.

"Did I interrupt something?" Matt asked sitting next to her.

She shook her head, "Nothing important."

"The look on his face said that it was important."

"That's just the way he always looks. Thank you for coming by. You've been so amazing to me over the past few weeks. I don't want to talk about Sam right now. Please, tell me. What's going on with you and Maxie?"

"We split. I ended it with her after I planned an evening at the Metro Court, but she had to run off to do something for Spinelli."

"I'm sorry. It couldn't have been easy."

"Surprisingly, it was. I was more okay with it than I thought I would be. Maxie and I were not meant to last."

She nodded distractedly, "Well, if you are okay with it."

"Liz, I wanted to know if you would go out to dinner with me some evening? I know this isn't the best time with everything going, but I just have to ask before I lose the nerve."

She looked at him in surprise, "Are you serious?"

"Yes, very."

She thought about it for a minute before answering, "Sure. I can't even remember the last time I had a date. That is what this would be, right? A date."

"Absolutely."

"Okay, when would you want to do this?"

"How about tomorrow night? Do you think you can get a babysitter?"

"The boys are away with Lucky for the weekend so tomorrow would be perfect. What time?"

"Um, I can pick you up at seven."

"Alright. It's a date then, and I promise not to leave in the middle of the date to go rush off to save Spinelli."

He chuckled as he got up, "Good. That'll be a nice change."

"I'll see you tomorrow night, Dr. Hunter."

"I will be here, Nurse Webber."

After he had left, she thought about how strange life was sometimes. She had been so angry, but as soon as she was with Matt she was no longer angry. She was almost peaceful. Matt was easy to be around, and not to mention easy to look at. Things with Jason were just too complicated, and that was not what she wanted or needed. She knew things would be different between her and Jason forever. There wasn't going to be any changing that. Sometimes things happen in life that make it impossible to go back. That was just what had happened between her and Jason. Their relationship had turned into something else, and there was just no going back. Ever.


	16. Apologies and goodbyes

_Liz_

The next morning after a good night's sleep, she woke feeling like she needed to see Jason. She needed to tell him she was sorry for the things she had said. She shouldn't have said the things she said. She got dressed and headed to his penthouse. She took the stairs so she could gather her thoughts on the way up. She finally reached his door and panicked for a minute. She started to think maybe she should have called first instead of just showing up, but she knocked any.

Spinelli opened the door and his face filled with surprise, "Maternal one, this is a most pleasant surprise."

He allowed her to come in and she saw Jason sitting on the couch looking morose. He stood when she came close to the couch.

"I need to talk to you. Alone."

"I will excuse myself to go see Maximesta. Stone Cold, I will return after you and the Maternal One have finished," Spinelli said grabbing his laptop and heading out the door.

She and Jason remained silent even after he had left. She had forgotten everything she had wanted to say.

"I'm glad you came by."

She sat down in the chair and took a deep breath, "I came by to apologize. I promised you that I would try harder, and I have been."

"I don't want you to have to try to be nice to me. I should have listened to you, and left. I just wanted to show you that I was as angry as you were."

"I am sure you are, Jason. I shouldn't have taken out my anger over this situation over you. It's just so hard sometimes. It's hard to believe that nothing is really going to happen to her. It's hard to believe he is really gone. There is this huge hole in my life that will never be filled."

"I know and I am sorry. I am sorry for ever walking away from you. I loved you so much. I wanted nothing more than to have you in my life every day for the rest of my life. I did what I thought was best at the time."

"Something you have to realize though, Jason. The consequences of you walking away, has forever changed us. We can never go back to the simple love that we had before."

"Simple? I never thought of us as simple."

"But it was. Jason, it took no effort for me to love you. It was as easy as breathing, but when you ended things after promising so much. Well, it altered me. A piece of me died when you walked away. We will never be able to just simply love one another. There's been too much damage. Too much tragedy. Too much. I will always love you. You will always have a piece of my heart, but that is where it stops. That is where we are left. We are left with the memory of what it used to be.

"Anything other than friendship is just too much to ask. I can't trust you. I can't believe that it will ever be as beautiful and amazing to love you like that anymore. I want you to be happy. I want to be happy."

"What about Lucky?"

"What about him?" she questioned with confusion.

"Can you go back to that with him if he asked you too?"

She shook her head, "No, I couldn't even if I wanted to. Besides he is happy with Siobhan. I want a fresh start. I want something that isn't complicated or tainted."

"Tainted. I would agree we have been tainted. I don't know what I was thinking when I took Sam back. I should have never walked away from you. I should have trusted your judgment. I should have married you."

"But you didn't. At the time you thought you were doing the right thing, and maybe it was. But we will never know. We are left with the consequences of staying away. Of not getting married. This is your life, and I would never want to change you. I loved you despite the fact that you are a killer. I have loved you because of the goodness that is in you. This is what we are now. A part."

"I understand. I would never try to make you do anything you don't want to do. I want you to know you can come to me for anything that you need. If it is within my power, I will do it. It's how it has always been, and how it will always be. I will always be here for you."

"I know, and that has always been something that has brought me comfort. But Jason, I have learned that I need to be able to do things without depending on you. I need to be able to stand on my own two feet. Do you realize it has already been a month he died? A month. It feels like it has been longer."

"I know what you mean. I wish I had known him. I wish that I could have been a part of his life. I have no one to blame but myself. I will live with that regret for the rest of my life."

"Don't live in regret, Jason. It won't help to live in the past. It will only hinder your future. You have to try to be happy. That is all I want for you is for you to be happy."

"Are you happy?"

"I am getting there. I am happy when I am with the boys. They keep me from thinking about how much I miss Jake. But then the time comes when the boys are asleep, and the ache creeps back up on me. It's been a month, and it still hurts as much as always. It still surprises me how much it hurts," she stopped feeling the ache suddenly.

"I am glad you can talk to me about this now."

"I should never have kept it from you. I just couldn't see past my pain. Look, I gotta get going. I have things to do today."

He stood as she got up, and she simply smiled at him before leaving. She felt better all considered. She had apologized, and they had been able to talk without her yelling at him. How long it would last was beyond her.

_Jason_

He stared at the door long after she had walked out of it. She was still angry with him. He could hear it in her voice and see it in her eyes. Her eyes were so sad. There was a pain in that seemed immeasurable.

She had been honest with him about her feelings for him, and she had been right. They were something different than they used to be. They would never be the same. Life had once again gotten in their way. Fate was not kind to them. He still felt as strongly for her as he ever had. He still felt that pull towards her that was stronger than anything he had ever felt for any woman. She was more than the mother of his child. She was the great love of his life, and he had thrown her way. He had chosen a life of danger long before she had ever came into his life.

He had loved her since she was 17 years old. He had loved her from the moment that she found him in the snow. He had tried to keep his distance from her to keep her safe, but it never worked out that way. He had always been drawn to her like a moth to a flame. He was jolted out of his thoughts by Carly barging in as she always did.

"Josslyn should be released in a few days," she chattered as soon as he looked at her.

"That's good. I am glad she is doing better. I have meant to stop by, it's just been hard to even go to the hospital."

"I know. How are you doing? I heard about Sam. That is just crap. I can't believe she is getting off scott free."

"Not scott free. Elizabeth is filing a wrongful suit against her."

"Well, I guess that is something. Sam should have to pay something, and if that means money than so be it. She can certainly afford it. How is Elizabeth? I keep meaning to come by and thank her for what she did for Josslyn. I don't know if I could have been so gracious if it had been Josslyn's organs they wanted to donate. She earned some of my respect."

"I am sure she would like to hear that. You actually just missed her."

"She was here. Are two going to go for round three?"

He shook his head and sighed, "She is angry with me. She hasn't been able to be around me much since Sam was discovered to the driver."

"It's not your fault."

"It is that I could have prevented all this. I could have said something about the things that Sam did sooner, and maybe she wouldn't have been on that road that night. I let Sam back into my heart instead."

"I still don't know what you were thinking there, but who am I to judge."

"What are you talking about? You judge everyone. That is who you are, Carly."

"Yeah, true. But she can't hold what Sam did against you."

"She can, and she has every right to. You don't even know half of what Sam has done. Elizabeth is still reeling from the loss of Jake. She is also still reeling from the things that happened between me and her before I walked away from her. She was going to marry me, Carly. I had asked her three times to do it, and the day that Michael got shot she finally said yes. It was after I found out about Michael that I started pushing her away. But I couldn't just push her away. I kept pulling and pushing. I did a lot more to her than you'll ever know."

"I am sure you did what you thought was best."

"Was it the best thing to allow Sam back into my heart? I could have been with Jake. I could have married Elizabeth, and had the life I wanted with her."

"Jason, you can't beat yourself up."

"I can and I will. I will regret it every day."

Carly looked at him sympathetically. He didn't want to talk about this anymore. He didn't want to keep reliving what had happened, and what would never be. It was more painful than Carly would ever know or understand. She didn't live in regret. She lived moment to moment and emotion to emotion. That was the type of person she was, and she would never apologize for being who she was. At least it seemed she would be letting off of Elizabeth for now on. That was something Elizabeth needed. She didn't need someone hassling her. She needed support from all sides. Like she had last night with that doctor from the hospital. Jason was pretty sure that he was Patrick Drake's little half-brother, but other than that he knew nothing about him.

He remembered that that had been the second time he had seen him at Elizabeth's since Jake had died. He suddenly wondered how often the young doctor had been to Elizabeth's, and it bothered him more than he liked that he didn't know. It bothered him that Elizabeth had been happy to see him, and it bothered him how the doctor looked at her. It bothered him a lot.


	17. First Date

_Thank you all the reviews. This fic has been great to write. This chapter is not going to have any Jason or Lucky showing up. I just wanted a light chapter without all the heaviness. More drama is too come, promise. So enjoy. _

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><p><em>Liz<em>

She felt nervous as she got ready for her date with Matt. She hadn't been kidding when she said that she couldn't remember the last time she had been on a date. When she and Lucky had been younger they went dates. They would dance and laugh. It had been the first time either of them had ever been in love. She was now finding herself in a new situation. A situation that caused worry, glee, and stress. She was stressed because she had no idea what to wear.

She had searched through her entire closet repeatedly since she had gotten home. She was thinking about the one person she shouldn't have been thinking of at this very moment, Maxie. She thought about the clothes that Maxie always wore. She was so different from Maxie. She was a mother. She wasn't fashion savvy.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts of Maxie. She would never compare herself to Maxie. So what if she wasn't fashion forward. She was simple and that had always been her. She ended up in a navy blue dress that came just above her knees. It was form fitting and had very thin straps. She thought how weird it was that she was actually worried about how she was going to look for a date. A month ago, she would have sworn that all she would ever think about again was Jake.

She guessed it was true in a sense, now that she was thinking about him again. She sighed and wiped away a single tear before putting her face on. She left her hair down because it was the easiest thing for her to do. That was a habit she got into by being a mother. A quick ponytail here. A messy bun there.

She sighed and ran her brush through her hair. Maybe it was time for a shorter haircut. She knew most women went short after having a kid and even shorter after another one. She never had time to even make a hair appointment. She realized she was neglecting herself, and she should do something to make herself feel better about herself.

"Too late now," she said out loud to herself.

She heard the knock downstairs, and grabbed her clutch before heading downstairs. She was filled with butterflies as she opened the door. Matt looked so cute as he held out flowers for her.

"Ah, thank you, Matt," she smiled taking them from him.

He followed her into the kitchen as she put them in a vase with some water.

"Can I just say, Wow!"

She felt the warmth flood her face, and it surprised her. She didn't think she had the ability to be embarrassed.

"So, where are you taking me, Dr. Hunter?"

"I was thinking at this new restaurant down on Main. It's supposed to be really good, and maybe we will have some privacy."

"Okay, that sounds nice actually," she replied slipping on her heels and headed towards the door.

"Wait," he said walking up close to her.

She was so close to him that she could smell his cologne and feel the heat of his body. She looked at him and was surprised when he gently kissed her. It didn't last very long, but the effect was the same. She looked at him in surprise, and he was smiling a little.

"I just had to do that. I wanted to get it out of the way so there was pressure for the entire night. Are you mad?"

She shook her head more to clear her mind than anything, "No, I am not mad. A little taken back, but not mad. It was nice. So now we can just enjoy the evening."

He took her hand, and led her to the car. He had been right about the pressure being off of them now. They flowed easily through their conversation for the rest of the evening. It was nice to be so comfortable around him. There was none of the added baggage of Jake or past screw ups.

This is what a fresh beginning felt like. This is what a new relationship was supposed to be. She was getting to know Matt even though she had thought she knew him before, but that was just a façade he put up for work. He wanted to be the best doctor that he could be, but he was always so arrogant about it at work. Now he was raw and uncut. He wanted to make a difference. He told her about the research paper that he had been working on for the past few years, and had finally finished for the most part. He wanted to get it published, and she was surprised that he had that much ambition.

Ambition to save lives, not just make a name for himself. He and Patrick were more alike than either of them even realized. Patrick was a lot more arrogant than Matt, but he had to be to be able to do the things he did. Matt had pressure on him to do great things to show his brother and his father just how amazing he was. She could understand that. She and her sister Sarah had had a tumultuous relationship for years that came to a head when Liz had found her in bed with Lucky.

When she told Matt how she understood he looked surprised that something that had happened. He told her he could never imagine sleeping with Robin or anyone else that Patrick had been dating especially not Lisa.

After he had paid the check, they decided to go back to her place for a night cap. She was already tired and they both had to work in the morning. She poured them both a glass of wine after starting a fire. Sitting on the couch, she realized how much she liked being with him. How much she liked talking to him. He was kinder than he let on and she told him so.

"Please, don't let it get around. I am supposed to be the wounded kid brother that has something to prove at the hospital. Now if you go and tell everyone that I am a soft hearted guy, I will be ruined."

She laughed without faking it, "Can't have that, now can we? Let me tell you something, Epiphany is the same way. Sure, she is prickly around the edges, but underneath she is thoughtful and caring. She has been there for me in times that I didn't expect a kind word from anyone. She was gracious to me when I told her about the possibility of Jake being Jason's. She didn't judge. She just listened to me and tried to give me the support that I needed. I think everyone is capable of the greatest of kindnesses if they would just let someone see it. But we all have these walls we put up. I am guilty of it."

He sipped his wine before speaking, "Not with me. I mean you have let me talk about Maxie even though I know you can't stand her. I see your kindness every time you smile. It radiates through you. A soul as kind as yours tends to be battered and bruised easily. It's one of the reasons I wanted to come over so badly. I wanted to give you support so you would heal and not lose your kindness. The world would be a darker place without it."

She smiled, "Thank you, Matt. I have to say I had so much fun tonight. I was really nervous in the beginning. It has been too long since I have been taken out for dinner with a man. I am glad that I said yes."

He reached over and gently ran his finger across her jaw line, "I am glad too. We should do this again."

She nodded unable to find her voice. She hadn't been touched so intimately in so long that it was like being touched for the first time.

"I better get going. Early morning for me and you, Nurse Webber," he sighed standing up.

She walked him to the door wishing he would kiss her again, but he didn't. He was a perfect gentleman. He kissed her on the forehead, and said goodnight. This had been the first night in over a month she had been completely happy. She was able to forget for a little while the pain that she carried with her wherever she went. Matt helped her think that maybe she would be able to feel better someday. Maybe not as soon as she would want, but it seemed possible after all. She could still feel his touch on her face, and she couldn't wait til the next time they went out.


	18. Liz gets a call!

_T_hank you to everyone's responses to this fic. I am taking everyone's thoughts into consideration. I enjoyed writing Liz and Matt's date. It was something light compared to the sadness that has been first and foremost in this story. I want to take a moment to say I liked Liz with both Lucky and Jason. I think Liz would be amazing with anyone she is with. That is just her.

Having said that enjoy this next part of the story:) Let me know what you think. I really enjoy getting reviews. I enjoy what everyone has to say

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><p>Liz<p>

Morning came and she was looking forward to her boys coming home. She was still on another level since her date last night. She moved around her house cleaning in a haze of euphoria. Maybe nothing would come of it, but it was at least something nice in her life. After so much pain and devastation, she found it refreshing to have something simple in her life. She had a feeling though if Maxie found out about it she would have warm, fuzzy feelings about her and Matt seeing each other.

She pushed that thought out of her head as she went into the kitchen to figure out what to make for dinner for her and the boys. Part of her hoped that Lucky would stay for dinner so the boys could see their parents getting along. She heard a knock on her door and excitedly she went to get it. She was surprised to not find Lucky holding with her two babies, but Johnny was standing in front of her. She thought it was odd that he would just show up out of nowhere. She hadn't even seen him since that night at Jake's.

"Sorry to just show up like this. I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing?" he confessed after seeing the shocked and confused look on her face.

"Um, come on, please."

She shut the door behind him still feeling confused. She was the last person she would expect Johnny to just drop by and see.

"I guess it seems weird that I am here."

"To say the least," she started but her phone rang, "Hold on a sec."

She picked up her phone and said hello.

"_Liz?" Lucky said on the other end panic thick in his voice._

"Lucky, what's wrong?"

"_Um, please don't freak out, but Cam and I are on the way to the hospital. We were in a car accident."_

She almost dropped the phone but somehow she found it in her to hold on tight as the fear rolled through her body, "Lucky! What happened?"

"_We were on our way back, and someone swerved into our lane and we ended up going off into a ditch."_

"Oh, My God. Where is Aiden? What happened to Cam!"

"_Aiden is with Siobhan. He was saved by his car seat. But Cam may have suffered a concussion and my arm is broken."_

"Alright. Okay. I will be at the hospital. I am leaving now."

She panicked. She couldn't even think to know where she had put her keys.

"Liz, Are you okay?" Johnny asked worry ever present in his voice.

She could only shake her head, "I need to get to the hospital, and I can't find my keys."

She tore apart her couch and looked everywhere she possible could in her living room and kitchen. She felt like this was déjà vu after what had happened with Jake.

"Okay, Calm down. I will take you to the hospital. Let's go."

She didn't even think twice about it before bolting out the door with him right behind her. All she could think as she rode with him was, please let it be something simple. Please, don't take another baby away from her. She knew she would not survive this too. How could any parent bury two children the same way?

"Liz, I am more than sure it will be okay," Johnny spoke reassuringly.

She didn't say anything. She had no way of speaking with completely breaking down. She was never so relieved to see the hospital coming closer and closer to her. She jumped out of the car before he even had chance to stop. She rushed into the front entrance going directly to the emergency room. She saw Lucky standing by talking to Matt, but found that Cam was nowhere to be found.

"Lucky, where is he!" she demanded too distraught to acknowledge Matt.

Matt gently led her away from a very upset Lucky and calmly answered her question, "He's having a MRI right now. Patrick is his doctor. You have nothing to worry about."

"How can you say that, Matt?" she cried, "Jake was hit by a car, and he died. Now Cam is in there with head trauma. How in the hell can I not worry?"

He pulled her to him abruptly, and she burst into tears. How could this be happening again? She would never find peace in her life again. She pulled away from him and walked back over to Lucky. He was holding his arm against his chest and the there was blood coming from a cut above his eyebrow. Other that he looked no worse for wear. Why is it that the kids were always coming out with the raw end of the deal?

"Who was driving, Lucky?"

He looked reluctant to answer her but he seemed to know she wouldn't let go, "Siobhan. It wasn't our fault. The other car must have lost control or something. She hadn't been drinking or anything."

"What is with the women you bring into our lives putting our kids in danger?" she asked furiously.

"That's not fair!"

"No, of course not. It's never fair when I say something about anyone that you are sleeping with. Whether it's Sam or Siobhan."

"I understand you are upset."

"Lucky, our son just died, and now we are here again because MY son has been in an accident with you wife driving. Tell me how I cannot be upset about this. Please, I am all ears."

She had tears sliding down her cheeks, and she saw Patrick walking towards her. She knew that look, and her heart stopped.

"Patrick, please. Tell me he is okay?" she begged.

"Liz, he is going to be fine. He was a concussion and he is going to have to stay here for at least a day for observation. I really don't think there will be any complications. He is responsive."

She lost it then all she felt was someone catch her before she hit the ground before everything went black.

She woke to find herself lying in a hospital bed with Johnny standing over her with an anxious expression on his face.

"Are you okay?" he asked anxiously gently taking her hand.

She sat straight up in her bed and swung her legs over the side, "I am fine. Where is my son! I need to be with him."

"Okay, I will take you to him."

"Where is Lucky" she asked as she followed Johnny.

"He is getting looked over himself. He was pretty banged up as well. But Cam is doing fine. He asked for you."

"How do you know all this?"

"I checked on him so I would have something good to tell you when you came to. Drake thinks he is going to be just fine."

They came to her son's room, and she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Cam was sitting up in his bed rolling a car across the sheets. He had white gauze wrapped around his head, but other than that he looked completely normal. She couldn't help but hug Johnny. She could feel his surprise but he hugged her back.

"Thank you for being here. Thank you for everything," she gushed as she let him go.

He smiled at her, "It's no problem. I am glad I was at the right place at the right time. Go be with your son. I'll make sure to get your car here so you will be able to leave when guys can get out of here."

"Johnny, I really don't know how I will ever thank you."

"You don't have to. Go be with your son. He needs his mommy."

He walked away and she went to go be with her baby. She wrapped her arms around her eight year son and thanked the Lord that he had made sure her son had not been taken away from her.

Lucky walked in with his arm in a cast and stitches over his right eye. He looked worse than Cam did.

"Elizabeth, I am so sorry. I don't know how this happened."

"Do you know who it was that hit you?"

He nodded his head solemnly, "Yes, It was Carly."

"Are you kidding me? What the hell is wrong with her?"

"I don't know. She must have lost control or something. She has been cited for reckless endangerment to a minor child. Josslyn was in the car with her though she was unharmed."

She sighed and rolled her eyes, "At least Cam is okay. I just can't believe we are back in here after what happened to Jake. When is this going to get easier, Lucky?"

He sat down next to her and wrapped a comforting arm around her, "Things are getting better. Accidents happen, and we all know Carly isn't the best driver."

She scoffed, "Carly isn't much of anything. I hope she loses her license or something. She could have killed you."

"Easy, Liz. Cam doesn't need to hear this."

She hadn't even noticed that Cam had fallen asleep in her arms. She felt her heart break because she had never gotten to hold Jake before he died. She didn't get to comfort him like she now could with Cam. She ran her fingers through Cam's curly dark hair as he slept peacefully on her lap. He was such an amazing child. He had been a good big brother to Jake and was just as wonderful with Aiden.

"He's going to be fine, Liz." Patrick assured her as he walked into the room.

She looked at him and managed a smile, "It just hits too close to home so soon after Jake, that's all."

"I know the feeling. We are going to run a few more tests, and then if everything turns out alright, he can go home in the morning."

"Thanks, Patrick," Lucky replied when Liz just continued to look down at her little boy.

She was relieved when Matt came in. She gently moved Cam onto his pillow, got up, and ran into his arms. She felt comfort in his embrace. She felt like everything might actually be okay.


	19. Cam is hurt

_Thank you to everyone again. I cannot tell you what your words of encouragement means to me. _

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><p><em>Jason<em>

Sitting in his penthouse when Spinelli came bursting through the door as he always did. Hair all out of whack and his face red with excitement. Jason could only imagine what was going on with his friend. He still had no clue as to how he had become so dependent on the young man.

"What's going on, Spinelli?" he sighed standing up.

"Stone Cold, while checking into the latest going ons with the illustrious PCPD it just so happened that I have stumbled upon the most grievous news."

"Are they coming to arrest me?"

"Oh, no. But the law abiding one was in a most disastrous accident with the Valkerie. The maternal one's oldest was taken by ambulance for head trauma."

Jason was out the door before the kid could say anymore. He hopped on his bike and rode to GH. He didn't know if Elizabeth would want him there, but he would be there none the less. He parked and rushed up to the floor that he thought Elizabeth would be on. He found Epiphany at the station, and he walked over to her.

"Well, I guess I can guess what you are doing here. Carly is fine. She didn't have a single scratch on her," Epiphany informed him impatiently.

"But I heard that Cam was brought it. How is he? Where is Elizabeth?"

"Now Jason, you know that information is privy to family members, and last I heard you are not a family member."

"Please, At least just tell me where Elizabeth is?"

"I can't. My job is worth more than having a fight break out between you and Lucky."

Feeling helpless and frustrated, he walked away to the elevator where Robin was getting out.

"Jason, what are you doing here?"

"I heard about Cam, and I came to make sure Elizabeth and he is okay."

She sighed, "Jason, you know it is family only."

"Robin, please."

"Fine. Cam suffered from a concussion. He had to be admitted for observation. It's Carly's fault this happened. She somehow lost control of her vehicle, and just hit them. Josslyn was in the car. Both Aiden and Cam were in the car with Lucky and Siobhan. I fear for the day that Elizabeth sees Carly. She is fragile right now, and now she has to deal with two of the women in your life putting her kids in danger. It's just not good, Jason."

"Where is she?"

Sighing again she answered, "Room 1004. Just proceed with caution. I don't know how she is going to feel about you being there."

He nodded and headed toward the room. He stopped outside and saw Elizabeth in Matt's arms while Lucky was sitting by a sleeping Cam. How much to did Liz have to take? He yearned to go in there to be with her, but didn't really think she would want him there. He had always come before. He had always known that she would want him no matter what, but seeing her in Matt's arms made him think differently.

That had always been his role in her life. The one she came to when things were too much for her to handle. The shoulder she cried on when she wasn't unable to take what was happening. Now she was holding on to this young doctor. He decided to step back for the moment. He would just watch and make his presence known when he felt it was the right time.

_Liz_

"I can't believe this is happening," she whispered to Matt.

She felt him hold onto her tighter, and she felt like he was the only thing keeping her from breaking down.

"Mommy," she heard Cam call for her.

She let go of Matt and sat by her son. He wrapped his little arms around her and she just laid there with him.

"Where is Aiden, Lucky?"

"Siobhan is going to bring him to the hospital as soon as she can. They were asking her questions about what happened."

As if by some cue, Siobhan walked in with Aiden in her arms. The baby squirmed to get away from her as soon as he saw Elizabeth. Elizabeth got up and gently took her baby into her arms. She looked him over and saw that he didn't have a scratch on him.

"Thank you, Siobhan," she whispered holding Aiden close to her.

"It was no problem at all. How is Cam?" the Irish woman asked looking at Cam with worry on her face.

"They are going to keep him overnight for observation, and then we can take him home. What happened?"

"I honestly don't know. The SUV just came out of nowhere. There was nowhere for me to go to get out of the way. She just hit us."

"Did they tell you why she lost control?"

"No, but I am sure that Carly is going to have some explaining to do."

"Hmmph. She'll get out of it as she always does. Carly has an uncanny way of getting out of trouble. Just like Sam."

She sat back down next to Cam with Aiden still in her arms. He snuggled into her as Aiden began to fall asleep in her arms. She almost felt complete. She didn't know what she would have done if something had happened to Cam. She would have snapped.

"Liz, let me take him home. He is tired. You stay with Cam, and we will be back in the morning?" Lucky suggested.

She reluctantly agreed and gave Siobhan the baby. She was in a panic to let Aiden out of her sight. She watched them leave and then looked at her sleeping little boy. She got up and looked out the window. She hadn't even realized that Matt had left until she heard him come back in.

"Matt, I am," she turned and stopped midsentence when she saw Jason standing in the room.

"I know you probably don't want me here. It's just that Spinelli told me, and I had to come. I couldn't let you think I wouldn't be here for you."

"You know who hit him don't you?" she whispered moving out into the hall so she wouldn't wake Cam.

"Carly," he answered solemnly.

"Carly. First Sam. Now Carly. It feels like they are trying to get rid of my family one child at a time. Tell me how am I supposed to react to this? What would they do in my place?"

"Honestly, Carly would rip you a new one."

She nodded, "Keep her away from me. Accident or not. It's just too soon for me to get over this. It's just too much."

That was when Carly walked down the hall towards them. She was a wreck. She looked mournful.

"Elizabeth, I am just so sorry. I would never purposely hurt Cam. I would never do anything to put any child in danger," she pleaded.

"Really, then why did you marry Sonny? If that were true why do you constantly insist on putting yourself in their business. You are addicted to the danger. You could have killed my son and your daughter. What were you thinking?" Elizabeth spat back at her feeling rage course through her veins.

"I don't know what happened. Josslyn was crying and I was trying to give her a drink that I had in the front with me. I didn't take my eyes off the road. I lost control."

"Yes, and my son is paying the price. Carly, just leave. Get the hell away from me. All I want to do is yank all your bleached blonde hair out of your head. I want gouge your eyes out with my bear hands. You are thoughtless and careless. You have bitched at me time and again for being not good enough for Jason or for Lucky because I am selfish and care for no one. You don't deserve that little girl. You deserve nothing."

Elizabeth walked into Aiden's room and shut the door. She didn't want to see either of them. As soon as she forgave Jason something kept happening to make it difficult for her to see past her pain. She didn't think she had anymore forgiveness in her heart for anyone. She was just done!

_Jason_

"Oh, Jason. What should I do? I would never hurt that little boy."

He looked coldly at her, "Do have any clue the hell she is in right now? Do you even care? Or is just that you want redemption for yourself? Because you will not get it from me. She just lost our son. Now she is worried about losing another son in almost the same way. What would you do Carly? How would you react? I know exactly how you would react. You would attack her physically for even having injured your son. She just lashed out at you verbally. That should tell you she is a better person then you. You have bashed her for years and she looked past that to save your daughter. Then you put not only her son in danger, but the child she helped you save. Selfish is what you are. I don't think we are going to be okay after this, Carly. Don't come to for some self-made drama you have gotten yourself in. You need to just leave me alone. You are part of the reason I left her. Look how well that turned out for me and her. Just get away. I am done!" he yelled at her and he walked away leaving Carly standing there in shock.

He had nothing else to say. Between Carly and Sam, he was just done.


	20. Frenemies?

_Liz_

She had been home with Cam for two days when Carly showed up to check on him. Her anger had subsided in the last few days, and she let the infuriating woman come inside.

"Liz, I just wanted to say, I am so sorry. I would never have forgiven myself if something had happened to Cam. I can barely forgive myself now, and he is okay. He is okay, right?" Carly gushed in her typical way.

"Yes, Carly, he is fine. I am not as angry anymore. It's just that it is so soon after Jake. I shouldn't have blown up at you the way I did, but I was in a panic over another one of my boys being hurt so badly. Especially his head. I think if it had been Sam, I probably would have attacked her again."

"I don't think I would blame you there. It's just that you made it possible for Josslyn to live, and I went and put your son in danger as well as Josslyn. I don't know what happened."

"Who knows why things happen? But I know one thing I don't want to do anymore, Carly. I don't want to fight with you anymore. I am so tired of fighting," Liz sighed sitting down on her couch out of pure exhaustion.

Carly actually sat next to her, "I agree. I am sick of it too. There has been so much loss on both sides. After what happened with Michael, I started hating you a lot less because you did for your son what I never did for Michael or Morgan. I think I hated you so much because I envied you. The way people think of you is how I wish I could be. I wish I could be so forgiving. I tell you if it had been you that had put Josslyn in danger; I don't know if I would be so understanding.

"I think I probably would have flat out attacked you, and here you are trying to bury the hatchet. I think I could probably take a page or two from your book."

"My book. Carly, I am just tired. I know that you would never purposely hurt my child. I know that you are a great mom. Sure, you can be a bit abrasive and outlandish, but I think I have gotten used to it over the last decade. Carly, I just want to move on," she felt her voice cracked.

She still didn't know how to move on. With everything that had happened with Cam; it had brought everything to the surface that she felt about Jake. She thought about him all the time again, and his birthday was coming up.

"Liz, I don't know what I would have done if Michael had died. I don't know how you go through every day the way you do. I admire the strength that you have in dealing with what you are dealing with. It seemed like you were doing better, but I am sure all this stuff with Cam has stirred up all those feelings. You are pale. Are you okay?" Carly asked alarm thick in her voice.

Liz felt strange, but she knew she hadn't eaten much today. She couldn't even recall the last time she had eaten.

"I haven't eaten today."

"Well, I can't cook. But if you would like to go to Kelly's and take a few minutes to yourself, I will stay here with the boys," Carly offered.

Any other time, Liz would have told Carly to take a walk off a cliff, but she knew she needed to eat, and maybe it would be good to get away for a few minutes. She agreed, and went to Kelly's. She was sitting outside enjoying the nice weather when Johnny walked up to her table.

"Hey, Liz," he smiled warmly.

She looked up at him, "Hello, Johnny. Long time no see."

He pulled up a chair next to hers, "Yeah, well. I wanted to give you some space after what happened with Cam. I heard he was okay from Abby. Where are the kids?"

"Um, believe it or not, Carly is with them."

He gapped at her, "What? Seriously? Has hell frozen over?"

"No, just a cease fire. I am so tired of fighting with Carly, and I know she didn't mean to hurt Cam."

He shook his head in disbelief, "I have heard that y'alls fights were legendary. Now, what? Bygones? Friends?"

"More like frenemies."

The server brought him a cup of coffee while they chatted a little bit more.

"So what have you been up to lately?" she asked popping a fry into her mouth.

"Trying to stay out of Sonny's way which is not an easy task. Talk about tired of fighting. I would give anything to not be at constant odds with that man."

"Yes, but what would Sonny do with his time if he did not have you to fight with and take all his aggression out on?"

He laughed, "True, I guess I am his outlet otherwise he would drive his family nuts."

"Too late."

She saw Jason come around the corner, and she knew he would wholeheartedly disapprove of her talking with Johnny. Johnny must have noticed the tension in her body suddenly because he turned to look in Jason's direction.

"Well, this day just got a bit more interesting," he said under his breath as he turned back towards her.

Jason silently moved toward the table, and she felt her stomach twist into knots.

"Elizabeth, why are you sitting here with Johnny?" Jason demanded.

"Because I was sitting outside, and he sat down with me when he saw I was alone. I don't mind sitting here with Johnny. He's good company. It's no different than all the thousands of times I sat out here with you," she fired back feeling like he was judging her.

"You shouldn't be seen with him."

"Oh, come on. It's more dangerous for her to be seen with you than with me. Unless it ruffles yours and Sonny's feathers. We are just out enjoying this fine day and talking," Johnny challenged Jason.

She should have expected Jason to have the reaction that he did, but for some stupid reason she didn't. Jason pulled Johnny out of his chair, and threw him against the wall.

"Stay away from her!" he threatened menacingly.

She had to jump out her chair to avoid soda being dumped in her lap, "Oh, come on!"

She rushed over to Jason and attempted to pull him off Johnny. She of course made no head way. He was like a freaking rock.

"Jason, stop it. You have no right to tell me who to talk to or who can talk to me," she exclaimed angrily.

He let go of Johnny, and turned on her, "No, of course, I don't. I have no right to anything."

She picked up her purse and the chair that had been knocked over, "No, you really don't. I am tired of the danger talk. I am tired of all of it. I have told you to back off and the first thing you do when you see me talking, TALKING, to Johnny is threaten him. You need to get a hold of yourself."

She went inside to pay her bill with Johnny close behind her, "Maybe I should leave you be too."

"Johnny, you aren't the problem. He is. I am not going to tolerate this anymore. He chose to walk away from me," she answered quietly so the whole restaurant wouldn't hear their conversation.

"I don't know the situation, but I tried to walk away from Lulu many times, but always found myself back with her til I finally just couldn't do it anymore. I would never dictate who she talked to when I was the one that decided to end it."

"Walk me to my car?" she asked bravely.

He nodded and walked with her silently. She was fuming over Jason acting the way he had. She knew it was just typical Jason, but it was just getting so old. He had looked angry when he had seen her with Matt so she knew it wasn't just Johnny. Crap, Matt. She hadn't talked to him in days. She had been so distracted, and he had been busy at work. She had missed her friend.

"What are you thinking about?" Johnny asked breaking the silence once they reached her car.

"Nothing. Everything. My mind runs about a mile a minute anymore. Emotions race from one to another in a split second. I was thinking that it probably wasn't just you that upset Jason. I think Jason has a lot of rage in him, and he has nowhere to put it. I haven't exactly been supportive of his grief over Jake, but it was Jason's girlfriend that hit and killed my little boy. It was his girlfriend that had paid men to hold a gun on me and my boys to terrorize me to the point of not wanting Jason. It was his girlfriend that stood by and let my little boy get taken by some crazed, grieving woman all because she couldn't stand the fact that I had had Jason's baby.

"Ugh, sorry. You asked?" she attempted a smile as a tear slide down her cheek.

In a surprising move, Johnny gently wiped it away, "Don't ever be sorry for answering someone honestly. I respect honesty. I respect you."

He gave her a smile, and waited for her to drive away before she saw him walk away in her rearview mirror. Once she walked in the door she was bombarded by Cam.

"Hey, Buddy. Did you have fun with Carly?" she asked sitting on the couch with him since she felt like she had no more strength to stand.

She was so tired lately, and she just couldn't get her energy back.

"Yeah, she played games with me. Can she watch me again?"

Liz looked up at a smiling Carly, "We'll see. Why don't you go play and I'll be up to give you a bath after Carly leaves. Say thank you to Carly."

"Thank you, Carly."

"No problem, little guy. We will have to do it again soon."

He hugged her and ran upstairs.

"Did you eat?" Carly asked.

She nodded and leaned back against the couch, "Yeah, I sat outside at Kelly's and ate. It was a nice day."

"But?" Carly asked seeming to sense there was more

Damn, she had a nose for this stuff. She didn't want to get into this with Carly.

"No, buts. It was a nice day," she evaded.

"Okay, well. I am going to get going. I want to go see Jason and pray that he is as understanding as you. I have never seen him like this before. He has never walked away from me before."

Liz thought about for a second and then warned Carly, "He isn't in the best of moods. I saw him at Kelly's."

"So there was a but."

She nodded, "Yeah, he saw me sitting outside with Johnny."

"Johnny? As in Johnny Zaccahra?"

"Yes. He saw me outside, and he just sat down to talk with me. Jason came out of nowhere and just attacked Johnny. Threw him against the wall. Threatened him. All that fun stuff. It was ridiculous."

"You know why, don't you?"

She shrugged unwilling to acknowledge that she actually knew anything.

"He still loves you. It's obvious. What are you going to do about that?"

"Nothing. I am not going to do anything with it. I don't want to really be with anyone."

"You went out with Matt."

"Yes, and that was one of the best nights I have had since Jake died. But as far as being with anyone, loving anyone, any of that. I just don't have that in my capacity right now. I just don't want a relationship right now."

"I get it, but Jason is acting this way because he doesn't know what to do with what he is feeling. Be patient with him."

"I have been, but attacking Johnny for no reason. It's just not okay."

Carly nodded, "Wow, you and me talking. Who would have thought that would happen?"

"Not me. Look, I got to get Cam and Aiden ready for bed. Thank you, Carly. I hope that this is not just a fleeting moment for us, and we can really stop fighting."

"The hatchet is buried."

"And not in my back?" Liz laughed lightly.

"Nope, in the ground somewhere. I will stop by and see how you are doing. Get some rest."

Liz nodded in total agreement, and walked Carly to the door. After she had shut the door behind Carly, she thought that this was definitely one of her most strangest days in a very long time. She could only wonder what tomorrow could bring.


	21. Jake's Birthday

__This was a tough one to write. I hope I did it justice.

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><p><em>Liz<em>

She woke up knowing what day it was without looking at the calendar. She would know it in her heart til the day she died. It was Jake's birthday. This used to be a happy day, and now she felt the weight of missing her son even more. She didn't want to get out of bed. She didn't want to move. She got out of bed because Aiden and Cam needed her. She got dressed because it was what she was supposed to do. She didn't want to do the things she had to do but she did them none the less. She got Cam off to school, and Aiden went to daycare. She didn't have to work, but she needed to have some time to herself. She needed to get herself out of this foggy haze that she was in.

She came back home after dropping Aiden off, and looked upstairs toward the room she hadn't been in two months. She didn't want to walk up to that room. She didn't want to go into that room, but she felt herself pulled in its direction. Her feet moved her body up the stairs and to the door. Her hand seemed to have a life of its own as it opened the door. She was crying as she walked into the room. It was the way she had left it. No one had touched anything.

The stillness of the room was deafening. She couldn't stand how quiet it was in here. It had been turned into a tomb over the last couple months. A tomb of the life that had been cut too short. She shook her head to try to clear her thoughts, but more just followed those. She found herself sitting on her son's bed. It was still unmade from the morning he had died. She could still smell his unique scent in the sheets as she put them to her nose.

She couldn't bring herself to let Lucky clear out this room even though he had offered so many times. She wasn't ready to let her boy go. This room being the way it was still made it seem like he was there.

"But he isn't here," she cried out loud with a loud sob, "He'll never be here. My baby is gone. God, how can this be a part of your plan? What am I supposed to learn from this?"

She cried and cried for what seemed like hours. She laid down on her sons bed and just cried for him. She missed him so much. She missed the way that the whole room lit up when he was in it. He had this way of just bewitching anyone that was around him. She had never seen a more charming little boy, but he didn't seem to have a clue yet that he could do what he did. He had such an infectious laugh and smile.

"I can still hear your laugh, baby," she said to her son as if he were there.

The ache in her chest made it hard for her to even breathe. She felt like the agony was searing through to her very soul. How was she ever going to heal this kind of a wound? It went too deep. She suddenly got up and ran out the room, slamming the door the behind her. She couldn't be in that room anymore. She needed to let Lucky clear that room out. She knew logically she had to let Jake go.

She stood in the hallway and felt herself calming down a little. The ache didn't burn quite so intensely. She was glad no one saw how much she still mourned for her son. She was glad no one saw her breaking down so completely. Her boys needed her to be strong.

She walked downstairs and was hit with the panic again as she saw Jake's picture. It was the last picture every taken of him. There he was forever frozen in youth. He would never be a man. She would never know how much like Jason he would turn out to be.

"It's not fair, Jake!" she cried mournfully and sadly.

She wiped the never ending tears from her face and picked up the picture with a trembling hand. She touched the picture softly as she cried silently. So many emotions. So many feelings. Longing filled her. Her arms ached to hold her little boy again. She wanted to hear his voice. She jumped and dropped the picture when someone knocked on the door. The glass and frame shattered as it hit her hardwood floors.

"Damn," she cried bending down to pick the picture that was cut from the glass that had broken.

The door opened and Johnny walked in. She looked up at him through blurry, tear filled eyes.

"I dropped his picture," she explained when she saw the look on his face.

"Elizabeth," he whispered kneeling down next to her.

"There's glass everywhere. It cut his picture. Look," she said showing him where the picture was now imperfect.

"Liz, Let's clean this up. You're going to cut yourself, come on," he offered.

"His picture is ruined, Johnny!" she exclaimed feeling the hysteria building inside of her.

She didn't know how to stop it. Something so small as this was going to cause her to completely meltdown, and she didn't know what to do. She felt Johnny pull her up by her arms gently but she couldn't focus on him. The tears were coming so hard and she was choking on them.

"I should have come sooner. I just didn't know if you would want anyone here or not. I knew this day would be hard for you," he confessed pulling her into his arms.

She could feel herself in his arms, but she couldn't bring herself to move her arms to hug him back. She was frozen. Paralyzed.

"Liz," he said taking her face gently in his hands to get her to look at his face.

She forced herself to focus on him, "I can't do this, Johnny. It's too hard. I thought I was okay. I thought I was better, but today it all just came back again. When will this ever stop!"

"I don't know. Liz, look at me," he demanded when she turned her eyes to the photograph, "But it will get better. People don't grieve like this forever. The loss is always there but it does get better."

She wanted to scream that it would never get better, but some part of her brain told her that it would. She had seen that there were good days. She had experienced them.

"Okay," was all she said and he wrapped his arms around her again.

A little while later the glass and debris was cleaned up, and she was pretty calm now. She had not expected to find comfort in Johnny of all people, but he helped her more than he ever knew.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked sitting next to her at the kitchen table.

She only nodded. She was afraid to talk too much. The pain was still there and if she spoke it would start all over again. She was teetering on the edge of despair still, and one false move would send her over. She knew today would be hard, but she didn't think it would be this hard. She knew where she needed to go. She needed to see Jason. Today would be hard for him too. Despite everything, her heart still called out to him for comfort.

"I have to go, Johnny. Thank you so much," she told him getting up.

"Where are you going?" he asked as they walked outside.

"There is someone I need to see," was all she said and she got in her car.

She drove the all too familiar way to Jason's penthouse and parked in the same spot she usually parked in. She didn't know if he would be home. She knew she should've called, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She walked up the 15 flights of stairs as she did on the night Jake was conceived. She didn't feel the exact same way she did that night but she felt just as hopeless. She found herself standing in front of Jason's door again just as she had that night.

She could still remember every detail of that night. She could still see it so clearly when she closed her eyes. It had been a night that they had finally come together after some many years of life getting in the way. Fate had brought them together that night so that they could bring new life into this world. That new life had brightened the world for four short years, and now the world was dimmer since that life had been snuffed out too early.

She knocked on his door without even second guessing herself. She didn't wait long before Jason opened the door and stood before her. She didn't get the same feelings she used to whenever she saw him. Her heart no longer took flight in her chest at the sight of him. Her knees no longer grew weak by the presence of him. Right now the only thing she felt was loss at the life that they never got to share together with their son.

"Elizabeth," he whispered with heartache in his voice.

He had been crying, and she looked past him to see the box on the table. The black box that had been where he kept all his stuff for Jake.

"Can I come in?"

He nodded and moved so she could come inside. He was still the silent type.

"I didn't know if you would be here, but I took a chance that you might be. I felt that I had to come here today," she explained to him walking over to the box.

She sat down on the couch and saw that the pictures were still there in the box. She felt the tightness in her chest again and the never ending burn seared stronger.

"Yeah, I was hoping I would uh see you today," he managed to say emotion coloring his words.

She only nodded and took out a picture of her holding Jake right after he had been born. She was smiling a smile she hadn't seen for two months. It was a smile pure happiness and joy.

"I went into his room today. I haven't been in there for two months. No one has been in there. It was still the same as the last day he was in it. His bed was still unmade. Motorcycles still on the floor," she spoke softly to him.

He sat down next to her on the couch cautiously. She couldn't help but smirk. She had been so mean to him lately that he was afraid of getting to close to her. The big bad mob enforcer was cautious around her.

"I was downstairs looking at his last picture taken at school weeks before he died. Someone knocked on the door as I was looking at the picture, and I was so startled, I dropped it. Jason, it shattered. The glass, the frame, all of it. The picture is ruined," she told him not knowing why he was telling this too him.

"I am sure it isn't ruined. Don't you have duplicates?" he asked logically.

She nodded her head as she answered, "Yeah, I do. But at the time, that didn't occur to me. Logic was the last thing on my mind. God, Jason. I miss him so much."

She found herself in his arms. She wasn't crying like she was before. The tears were there of course. They were always there. Just behind the surface ready to come at any moment. She and Jason needed to have this moment together for their son.

"I miss him, too. I think about him every day. I have been so angry lately because I blame myself so much for what happened. I could have stopped it by just marrying you when I had a chance."

She pulled away, "I don't know how much that would have made a difference. I wish we would have put Sam in jail the moment we found out what had happened in the park. Both times. I think that is where we made our first mistake."

"No, our first mistake was hiding it for as long as we did. We never should have kept the fact that Jake was my son a secret."

"Maybe, but we can't change any of it now. It's his birthday today," she sighed getting up walking to his window overlooking the city.

"I know. That's why I have been looking at the box today. I wanted to go by your house, but you have made it clear to give you space."

"I did and that is why I came here. I felt that you were one of the few people I should see today. Lucky will be the next one, but you came to my mind first. I knew this day would be just as hard for you if not harder."

"It is hard, but I think you have it the hardest than me or Lucky. Why do you still have his room the same as he left it?"

"I don't know. Why do you keep Brenda's room the exact way she wanted it? I just haven't had the heart to dismantle the last piece of Jake that I have left. His sheets still smell like him. It's like he isn't really gone even though I know he is. Logically I know he is gone. My heart knows it too. Oh, my heart. It is just so painful to think of Jake as completely gone.

"I want to feel him in my arms again. I just want him back."

"I remember the day he was born. I found you on the floor in Lucky's house. You were unconscious. I watched as you flatlined before they even delivered him. You fought your way back that day, and you will fight your way back now. I believe you can do anything if you set your mind to do it."

She turned and found him closer to her than she thought he would be, "Maybe, but right now, Can you just hold me?"

He just nodded and slid his arms around her. She rested her head against him, and just sighed. No matter how mad she was at Jason, she knew she could always count on him to be there for her when she needed him. She was glad she hadn't lost sight of that. This valley of despair was dark and bleak, but she could still see him in the mist. She would always be glad to know that he was there.


	22. Jake's Birthday Cont

_Lucky_

"It's his birthday today, Siobhan," he sighed as he lay in bed next to her.

"What are you going to do today to honor him?" she asked softly.

"I don't know. But I know that Elizabeth is going to have a hard time today. I am picking up Cam from school so she can have some time to herself. But I need to be there for her today. She is fighting so hard to stay strong. I just feel she could crumble at any minute."

"And that requires your attention?"

He looked at her, "Well, she needs me. I was Jake's father. We raised him together. I am Cam and Aiden's father. She is my friend."

"Yes, I understand, but you can't always rescue her, Lucky."

"I am not trying to rescue her. I am trying to help her grieve for the loss of our son. I am sorry if you don't understand that, but it is just a fact. Liz and I have been through hell and back. One thing that has always remained the same in our relationship is our ability to be there for each other when we need it the most," he answered abruptly getting out of bed.

He had thought Siobhan had begun to understand that his and Liz's relationship was important to him, and that Liz still needed him. Today of all days, and after everything that had happened with Cam lately. Liz was fragile. He was barely hanging on himself most days, and he could only imagine how she was feeling.

After he took a shower, he stood in his bathroom remembering Jake. He remembered the day he found out Liz was pregnant. He may not have been Jake's biological father, but he loved him as much as if Jake was his own flesh and blood. He had been angry when he found out that Jake was actually Jason's, but he eventually understood why Liz kept it hidden from him and everyone.

Once he was dressed, he found Siobhan in the kitchen silently sitting at the kitchen table. She didn't understand. She couldn't. She had never experienced the loss of a child. She had never had a child. No one could know what this feels like unless they have experienced it themselves.

"Look, Siobhan, I am sorry if you don't agree with this. But this is just how things are."

"Why did you marry me, Lucky?" she whispered not looking up at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Why would you marry me when you love her?"

"I will always love her, just not the way that I used to. She is the mother of my children. I married you because I love you."

"No, you don't. You love the safety of me. I haven't hurt you. I haven't betrayed you. I am the safest place to put your heart until it heals enough for you to go back to her. Do you think I am blind?"

"Siobhan, I am not going back to Liz."

"Maybe not now, but you will someday. And I am not going to play second fiddle to any woman."

"What do you mean?"

"She calls, you run. She cries, you take her in your arms. It is really hard to look at when you are supposed to be my husband, but she comes first."

"You know what?" he exclaimed walking toward the door, "If you can't be understanding today of all days, I am not going to stay here and deal with this. This is the wrong time to be a jealous wife. There is nothing to be worried about, but I am not going to keep explaining myself over and over again to you. I am tired of it."

He walked out the door and slammed it behind him. He ended up walking to the park. He wasn't angry at her. He would probably feel the same way if it were the other way around. He was angry at the whole situation. He was angry at how much he still missed his son. He was angry that Sam had gotten away with it. He was just angry, and all he wanted was his wife to support him.

She was so insecure when it came to Liz, but he had married her. He could have gone back to Liz before he married Siobhan if he had wanted to. He could have done a lot of things differently, but he had chosen to marry her. To him that was more than enough proof that he wanted to be with her. He had only ever been married to Liz.

Siobhan was different from Liz in a lot of ways, and that was what had attracted him to her in the beginning. But those differences were not so attractive anymore. She wasn't as understanding about things as Liz was. She didn't get that Liz constantly told him to go home to his wife. She didn't get it that he felt that Jake would want him to be with his mother to help her through this. Of course he could let Jason comfort her, but Liz flinched at the mere mention of Jason's name anymore.

He sat down on a park bench and sighed to himself. Everything was just so messed up. He wanted to go to Jake's grave, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to do that since the funeral. He had wanted to talk Liz into taking Jake's stuff out of his room, but he could never push her to actually do it. It would feel too permanent.

"Lucky?" an Australian voice said next to him.

He looked up to see his brother, Ethan, standing there looking worried, "Hey, bro. Have a seat."

"How are you feeling today?" Ethan asked taking him up on his offer.

Lucky shrugged, something they all did lately when asked how they felt, "I am hanging in. It's Jake's birthday today."

"Yeah, I know. Siobhan told me when I stopped by the apartment. She said you took off. She was upset."

"Yea, she is always upset. She is upset when I stay too long at Elizabeth's. She is upset when I go to Liz's because I am worried about her. She is upset that I want to be there for Liz today because of the loss of our son. She is upset about Liz. I try to be understanding, but Liz needs me too."

"I know, Mate. But she is your wife. Liz is your ex-wife. Emphasis on the ex."

"She is hurting, Ethan. She is never going to be out of my life. We have children together. We have been a part of each other since we were kids. We may not be together but we will always be a part of each other's lives. That's just a fact."

"Yeah, I guess. But Siobhan needs a little understanding too. She's been thrown into all this with no clue as to what has been going on over the last few years. She only knows what you tell her, and you are telling her to just get over it. I like Liz, but she isn't your wife, Lucky. She isn't your responsibility."

"Then who is going to be there for her? Who is going to understand what she is feeling, why she is feeling it. Can you tell me that?"

"Nope, sure can't. I am just offering my opinion from what I see, but I can't answer that one, Mate. She is a complicated one, that Liz. She has a long road ahead of her."

"And she is expected to do it alone?"

"No, I guess that wouldn't be very helpful. But you have to try to tread lightly on Siobhan as well."

"I am trying, but I just couldn't take the accusations today. Not today," he replied feeling the threat of tears.

"No, I guess any day but today. I wish I knew how to help with this, but I have never been where you are, and I hope I never am."

"I hope so too, Ethan. I hope so, too," he repeated sadly.

_Liz_

"I should get going home. Lucky is going to be bringing the boys home soon, and I need to get dinner ready for them. I need to keep their lives as normal as possible. I am just grateful Aiden has no clue what is happening," she told Jason after she had been at his apartment longer than she intended.

"Okay, thank you for coming here. I know you haven't wanted to be around me lately, but it means a lot that you could put that aside for today."

"Jason, no matter what is going on with us, I could never let you be alone today."

She took one last look at him and went home. She was glad she had gone over to see Jason today. She saw a box at her front door that looked like it held something very large in it. She was confused as she managed to get it inside. She looked at the label on the front and she felt her throat tighten. She opened it up to find a miniature riding motorcycle in it. It was Jake's birthday present from Lucky. She remembered him mentioning it months ago.

He had wanted it to arrive on Jake's birthday as surprise for Jake. He would never get to see this surprise now, she thought. She placed the shiny yellow motorcycle on the floor and stared at it. She could almost hear the squeal he would have let out in excitement over seeing this. She could almost see the joy and awe that would have been on his face as he looked at it.

Lucky walked in the door with Aiden in his arms and she looked at him sadly, "It came."

She heard him sigh and walk over to her after putting Aiden in his playpen, "I forgot all about it."

"Yeah, so did I. It's pretty. He would have loved that it was yellow."

"Liz, I am sorry. I should have called and canceled it."

"Coulda, shoulda, woulda, but can't change it now. Can't change anything. We'll just give it to Cam or some other kid," she sighed.

Cam came crashing through the door, and spotted the motorcycle instantly, "Wow, look at that. Is that for Jake? Is he gonna be coming home for his birthday?"

Liz looked at Lucky helplessly before answering, "No, he isn't coming home for his birthday, Cam. Daddy ordered this for Jake before he died. It was supposed to come on his birthday to surprise him."

Cam looked devastated, "He'll never see it, will he?"

"He sees it from Heaven," Lucky chimed in Liz was lost for words, "He sees it, buddy. I promise. Come on, let's get ready for bed."

"He ate already?" Liz asked blankly.

"Yeah, I thought it would be easier that way. I'll be down in a minute once I get him into bed."

She mumbled something and continued to hear Cam's words over and over in her head. He'll never see it. She looked over at Aiden and saw that he was rubbing his eyes.

"Oh, baby, are you sleepy?" she asked as she picked him forgetting her own pain for the first time all day.

She took him upstairs and got him ready for bed. He was such an amazing baby. He was asleep before she even turned off the light to his room. She looked into Cam's room and saw that he was asleep also. She was so grateful for such amazing boys. She went into his room and gently kissed him. She would get better for them. She wouldn't let her grief get in the way of her love for them anymore.

She walked downstairs slowly after checking on Cam and found lucky packing the bike up. She didn't fight him on it. Cam would probably never touch that bike knowing it had been for Jake.

"Aiden asleep?" Lucky asked taping up the box.

She nodded as she sat down on the couch, "I accidently broke Jake's picture today."

"How?"

"Someone knocked on the door which scared me and I dropped it. It just shattered. Seemed kind of appropriate. It's how I have felt for the last couple months. Shattered," she stated wrapping her arms around herself.

He stopped what he was doing as if he sensed something in her voice, "Liz, you're not shattered. You have done something most parents are never able to do. You have continued living your life. It hasn't been easy. But you have done it. You continued working. You continued taking care of our boys. You functioned better than most expected of you. You really need to have faith in yourself."

"I am trying. Today was just harder than I expected it to be. I want to clear out his room. I think it is time. We can save the bed and dressers for Aiden, but the rest can go. Give it away with the bike. Give it to the church or something. I can't do it. I can't go in there again," she confessed her voice breaking again.

"Alright, I'll do it tomorrow while you and the boys are gone. It'll be gone by the time you get home," he promised.

She nodded and went to the kitchen. It seemed like this day would never end. It was only nine and she was beyond exhausted. She heard Lucky take the box outside and come back inside.

"Do you need me to stay?"

"Actually, yes. There is one more thing I need to do today. Can you stay here with the boys while I go do it?"

"Yeah, how long do you think you'll be?"

"Not long."

Ten minutes later, she found herself standing near Jake's grave with his yellow motorcycle in her hand. She hadn't stepped foot here since his funeral. She could tell someone had been here because there were balloons by his gravestone. She kneeled down and set the bike on the top of the large granite stone.

"Hey, Baby. Happy Birthday. I brought your favorite motorcycle. Oh, gosh," she started looking down at the green grass over her son, "Man, I miss you, buddy. Cam misses you. Daddy misses you. And Jason misses you.

"Things just aren't the same without you. The house is so quiet without you there playing with your motorcycles. Everything is just so different. I know wherever you are at you are happy and content. That's what helps me get through the really hard days. Things are just going on even though I never thought they would. I wish every day that I could see you again," she sighed wiping her eyes.

"You are not forgotten, Jake. You will never be forgotten. You are still so very loved. Oh, God, you are loved. I know I haven't been here. It is just so hard, but I promise I will come by more. It will be easier now that we are past the hardest parts. Today was the hardest day since your funeral. We will keep living for you, Jake. We will be happy because you were in our lives. You blessed our lives every minute you were in them.

"And never think we won't carry you our hearts. I have you right here," she gestured by placing her hand on her heart, "You are here. Forever and always."

She kissed her fingertips and gently touched the stone. It was cool to her fingertips. She stood up and looked down sadly at her son's final resting place. As she walked away, she felt a little better. She should have been here sooner. It wasn't as bad as it had been last time she had been there. Once she got home, she found Lucky waiting for her in the living room.

"Where'd you go?"

"I went to his grave. I left his motorcycle there. I will probably go back and get it tomorrow. I might take it there every year for him. It was his favorite one. I don't know yet," she babbled.

"I went there earlier."

"Are the balloons from you?"

"Yes, he loved them for his birthday."

She nodded, "Yes, he did. He loved it when you would suck the air out them and talk to him. He would just laugh and laugh," she remembered smiling.

"I miss that laugh. He had such a great laugh. It always made me laugh."

"Yeah, me too. You should go home, Lucky. I am tired. It's been a long day. I am sure Siobhan is wanting you to be home."

"I am sure she is. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I am going to be fine. I am going to take a bath and go to bed. Thank you for everything you have done. Things are going to get better," she told him as he walked out the door.

She almost believed that things were going to get better. This day had ended better than it had begun that was for sure, a definite sign that she would feel better soon.


	23. Jason goes to Jake's grave

_Jason_

He had been so surprised that Elizabeth had showed up. It was the last thing he had expected after the way things had been for them lately. She looked so frail and it broke his heart to see the pain that was always in her eyes. He hadn't seen her smile in weeks until that day she was sitting with Johnny.

He had known that he had no right to say anything to her about it, but his rage overtook him. He wasn't angry as angry at Johnny as he was about the fact that he couldn't make Elizabeth smile like that anymore. She did smirk today when he was hesitant about sitting next to her. He didn't think she knew that he noticed it, but he noticed everything she did. He always had.

He had been glad she stayed as long as she had. He hadn't wanted to be alone today. He had wanted to go to her house, but he was wary of her lashing out at him again. She had a sharp tongue and her words hurt. He wasn't used to being on the other side of her anger. He didn't think he'd ever get used to being on that side of her anger.

He felt empty again as soon as she walked out of the door. He felt the weight of his loss come crashing down on him as soon as she was no longer there. He jumped on his bike after he couldn't take being in the penthouse anymore. He just rode and rode for hours until the day was almost done. Somehow he ended up at the graveyard. He walked to Jake's site and saw that there were balloon and his yellow motorcycle. He knew Liz had been there.

"I didn't think I would come here. I don't even know how I ended up here. Sometimes I just drive and drive without thinking, and it leads me to the most unexpected places. I see your mommy was here. She's hurting, buddy. I know you don't really know me but I know you. I have known you since you were born, and I have always been behind the scenes watching things from a distance.

"I saved your life a few times. I put you in danger as well. You were always so tough and I never saw you cry over any situation you were in. I allowed the person that took you away from us to get away with so much. She hasn't paid for what she has done to you yet. But I won't talk about that with you. I wish that I had things differently with you. I should have claimed you as my own. I should have married your mother.

"Things are so strained now. She used to look at me in such a way that I always knew how she felt. Now she looks at me and all I see is loss. She has suffered so much losing you. I am hoping that soon that hurt will lessen. She needs to feel better about losing you if that is even possible. Maybe she will now that your birthday has finally passed. She wasn't looking forward to it. She knew it would be hard. Maybe by this time next year it won't be so hard. I can't imagine it, but anything is possible. I have seen too much to not know that.

"But you will be so missed, Jake. I miss you and you weren't even in my life. I can't imagine what this feels like for your mommy. She is stronger than she'll ever give herself credit for. She amazes me every day just as you always amazed me. I will carry you with me for the rest of my life. I love you, Jake, and I always will," Jason said as he stood up.

As he walked away, his thoughts drifted to Elizabeth and her boys, and what they were doing now. She was probably awake while they were probably sleeping. He would never know that kind of simplicity. He would never know what it was like to come home to Elizabeth and the boys every day.

As he made his way home, he wondered if his life would ever be the way it was supposed to be. Would he ever get out of this business that was so dangerous that he gave up his own son for it? He hadn't kept Carly out of his life. Sonny had married Brenda and brought her son to live with them. Why couldn't he have had that life? Why had he shied away from that life when he had it in his grasp?

He knew that if he ever had that chance again he would not make the same mistake twice. He would marry Elizabeth without hesitation. He would protect her. He would take care of those two boys as if they were his own. He would have children with her if she wanted that. He would do everything right if could only get a second chance.


	24. Complications

_Liz_

A few days later, she found herself feeling better about everything. Sam didn't fight the lawsuit, and agreed to pay the amount set by Diane in the case. What had surprised Liz the most was the ludacris amount that Diane had demanded of Sam, and Sam had actually agreed to it. Three million dollars was a lot of money, and she had just rolled over to it. Liz didn't even know what she was going to do with that much money. She would some of it away for the boys to go to school, but that probably wouldn't even put a dint in it.

She was sitting out at the park thinking about all this when Jason showed up out of nowhere. She was surprised to see him. She hadn't seen him since Jake's birthday over a week ago. She still couldn't get over the fact that things had changed so drastically between them. She still didn't feel that spark of electricity that she used to feel when she saw him. It was completely gone.

"What are you doing at the park?" Jason asked sitting down next to her.

"I find it peaceful here like the pier used to feel. I don't feel the same way about the water that I used to. What are you doing here?"

"I actually walk through the park because it reminds me of Jake. And you."

She only nodded. She didn't know what to say to that. It was part of the reason she came here too. She could still feel Jake's presence here so strongly.

"So Diane told me about Sam. She caved and agreed to the terms," Jason started after a few long moments of silence.

"Yeah, and for an absolutely ridiculous amount. I figured it would be too high and we would have to take her to court, but she agreed. I almost feel gipped that I don't get to rake her over the coals in court, but can't do anything about it now. The boys at least will be able to go college so that is at least something."

"She isn't done paying yet."

"Jason, let it go. I haven't seen her since that night at the police department, and I feel fine with the knowledge that I may never see her again. I honestly don't know what I would do if I saw her."

"I haven't seen her either, but this isn't a very big town. It is only a matter of time before we see her."

"I will cross that bridge when I get there, but Jason, there is nothing that can be done now."

She knew that he was churning it over his mind as he remained silent. He would do something, and she wanted nothing to do with it. She wanted to move on with her life as best as she could. It wasn't easy to make the decision to keep on living without her baby boy, but she had to do her best for Aiden and Cam. They deserved it.

"I am going get going," she sighed getting up, "Jason, just let it go."

She spoke the last part so softly that she wasn't sure he heard her, but the look on his face told her that he did. It was a mixture of emotions.

"I can't," was all he said.

She walked away feeling like she had done all she could do to stop him. He was Jason, and he was going to do what he wanted to do no matter what. She walked back to her car, and headed to the hospital to work. She was still plagued by thoughts of the things Jason could do to Sam, and she found that she wasn't sick about it. She should have been truly upset at the fact that another human being could have their life ended, but when it came to Sam she felt like she wasn't really a human anymore. She had killed her child, and there was just no forgiving that no matter how much money was thrown at the situation.

Once she was changed into her scrubs and on the floor, she attempted to put Sam out of her thoughts. It was easier than she expected since she found that Matt was at work. He always had a way of distracted her from the things going on in her life.

"Nurse Webber," he greeted exuberantly as he sauntered up to the nurse's station.

"Yes, Dr. Hunter," she laughed.

He leaned against the counter and moved closer to her so no would hear him, "I was wondering when we were going to go out again. I think it is long overdue."

She felt her face burn a little with embarrassment and excitement, "It has been awhile since our first date. Weeks actually."

"Well, I have been busy, and you have a lot to deal with, but I really want to go out again."

She merely nodded her head in agreement, and turned to get back to work. He didn't seem to want to drop it yet because he followed her to where she went.

"So how about tonight or tomorrow night?" he whispered intensely.

"Lucky has the boys tomorrow night, so that would be better. Now let me get back to work before Epiphany skins me alive."

He slapped the counter lightly a couple times with a huge triumphant smile on his face, and walked away. He was like a kid himself, but she found that she really liked it. All the other men that she had been involved with had been so serious especially Jason. They were never excited about things the way Matt was. Thinking about Jason brought Sam back to the forefront of her mind, but she quickly pushed it back to go do her rounds.

A few hours later, she found herself back at home with the boys fixing dinner. This was usually the hardest time in the day for her. She still felt the emptiness as she looked at where Jake used to sit at the table. She had thought about taking his chair away but she knew Cam would say something about it. He seemed to want to keep things the same in case Jake came back, and she indulged him if it was easier for him to deal with the situation. It helped her too whether she would admit it out loud or not.

After the night was over and the boys were bathed and in bed, she found herself alone with her thoughts. She was tired, but she knew sleep was not going to come easily. She was relieved when she heard the soft knock on her door. She sighed as she got up and answered the door. Johnny was standing in front of her with what looked like a present in his hand.

"This is a surprise, please, come in," she insisted moving back so he could come in.

"I have been meaning to stop by, but I had to find this first," he explained holding the gift out for her to take.

She took it and felt that it wasn't very heavy. She could not think of what it could be.

"Johnny, I don't know why you would get me something, but thank you," she said as she unwrapped the gift in her hands.

She felt her heart tug a little when she saw that it was new, expensive picture frame with Jake's picture in it. She looked up at him in awe and surprise. She hadn't even known that Johnny had taken the picture.

"Johnny, thank you so much," her voice full of emotion.

"Well, I saw how much it affected you when it broke. I wanted to get a frame that be fitting for it so I had this one specially made for it. It's sturdy too. If you should drop it again it won't break so easily," he smiled a hint of teasing in his voice.

She hugged him, "I mean it. Thank you."

She pulled away from him and felt his arms linger as she did so. She looked up at him, and her heart skipped a beat. She knew that look, and it was a complication she did not need. She moved away from him and hung the picture back in its proper place. She looked the dark cherry wood frame that held her sons picture in it.

"You got the picture fixed, too?" she asked seeing that the photo was perfect.

"I had it restored as best as I could. There are still some imperfections, but I think it looks alright."

She nodded in agreement, "Yes, it's perfect. Life isn't perfect. There are always imperfections. I guess his photo was bound to get them."

She heard him step closer to him, and she felt herself tense. She turned around and looked at him.

"I should get going. I just wanted to bring that by, and see how you were doing. Last time I saw you, well, you weren't at your best."

"No, I wasn't, but I am doing better now. I am not great, but better. I actually made plans to go out with Matt tomorrow night. More proof that life goes on," she told him as she walked over to her couch.

"You mean like a date?" he questioned following her.

"Yeah, we went out once before, and we wanted to go out again even though it's been a few weeks since we went out."

"Hmm. I didn't know you two were dating. I thought you were friends."

"We have only been on one date. This will be our second date."

"I am just saying that I didn't realize you two were that close."

"We are just seeing where it goes. He's a great guy, and he is brilliant despite being a brat now and then about his brother."

She didn't know why she brought this up to Johnny except that she wanted him to know that kissing her would not be the best idea at the moment. It unnerved her at how much she wanted him too. It surprised her. After all that she had been through, she should know better than to kiss another guy when she was dating someone else. But she had only been on one date with Matt. She shook her head, this was not good thoughts on her part.

"I will get going. I am glad you liked it. I was hoping that you would. It was important to make sure it did just that. I wanted to do something to make all this a little easier, and not worrying about that picture was one way that I could help."

"Johnny, you have helped. You have been my friend through all of this. A most surprising turn of events, but I am grateful for it known the less. You surprise me."

"How?"

"I didn't think you would be such a nice guy. I guess I never really gave you much thought before, no offense. But I am glad that I know you now."

"I am glad too. I am glad that you decided to get drunk one night at Jake's and I was able to rescue you. I am a sucker for damsels in distress."

She cracked a smile, "I am sure you are. You dated Lulu after all."

"Wow, I guess you are right about that. Well, I really am going to go now. I hope you have fun tomorrow night. I will stop by and see how it went in a couple days."

She nodded and walked him to the door. She watched him walk to his car and drive away. She felt like this would not be the last time things would get uncomfortable between her and Johnny again. She could feel that there was something deeper than just a friendship brewing, but she wouldn't go down that road again. She was not that person. Matt deserved better. She deserved better. She would not make the same mistake twice.


	25. Sam's day comes

__Hey, Merry Christmas everyone. Sorry it has been so long since I have posted a new chapter. It's a crazy time of the year. Hope everyone likes this chapter. Sam gets it!

Let me know what you think. Happy Holidays.

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><p><em>Liz<em>

She rolled out bed to banging on her front door. She threw on her robe, and trudged down her stairs. Who on Earth could be at her door knocking so aggravatingly? She sighed as she opened her door to find Carly standing in front of her bright eyed and bushy tailed. She rushed through her door like a bat out of hell. It was reminiscent of earlier days only Carly had a welcoming smile on her face rather than a scowl.

"Good Morning, Carly. And what can I do for you so early in the morning?" she asked as she yawned.

"Oh, please. You know why I am here. Your date tonight with Dr. Matt Hunter. A little birdie told me about it and we have to get you a new outfit for it."

"Why?"

"Because, silly, it's your second date. You have to step up your game with each date. So you and I are going shopping."

Liz thought about protesting but she knew she couldn't talk Carly out of this. She was so stubborn, and Liz felt that it might be nice to actually buy herself something new.

"Alright, alright. Let me get dressed. Can you throw some coffee on? I am going to need a big ole' cup of it if I am going to be shopping all day and then going out with Matt," she resigned as she walked up the stairs to her room.

She threw some jeans and a long sleeve shirt on. She threw her hair up in a messy bun and made her way downstairs to the smell of brewing coffee. Carly was sitting in the at the kitchen table looking through the newspaper as she made her way into the kitchen. She smiled at Liz as she walked in. This all felt so surreal to Liz. In the years that she had known Carly, she would never have expected for it to be normal to see Carly in her kitchen smiling at her with malice.

"So where are we going shopping?"

"The City of course. It's only a couple hours to the city and we will be back in time for your date."

"How did you even know about this?"

"Doesn't matter. So come on let's go. I have a driver all ready for us," Carly informed her as she poured a cup of coffee.

"Seriously, isn't there anywhere around here that we can go?" she yawned as she sat down at the table with Carly.

"Absolutely not."

She sighed again and took a sip of her coffee. This was going to be a long day.

"Can we stop by Kelly's so I can get a muffin to eat?" she asked after she had finished her coffee and they were on their way out the door.

"Sure. I guess we can stop by there," Carly reluctantly agreed.

She was a woman on a mission, and Liz could barely keep up with her. Once the car pulled up near Kelly's Carly was out the door and pulling Liz after her. They walked inside together and a hush fell over the restaurant. Liz couldn't help but smirk because she knew exactly what they were thinking. What in the world are THOSE two doing together? They hate each other. Carly looked around at everyone and Liz knew she was thinking the same thing.

"Well, I guess this is the reaction that I should have expected. Go back to your food people and stop staring," Carly blurted out as she continued to walk to the counter with Liz in tow.

She ordered her cup of coffee and cranberry muffin, and attempted to keep her eyes diverted from the watchful stares around her. She heard the door open behind her and she turned out of curiosity. She wished she hadn't. There stood Sam.

Sam had seen better days. She looked really rough and tired. Her hair lacked the normal bounce that it usually had. She had bags under her eyes and she looked like she had aged about ten years in only a matter of months. Liz couldn't believe she was showing her face at Kelly's. She should have known it would only be a matter of time that she would run into her. She knew Port Charles wasn't that big, but she didn't think she would run into her at Kelly's of all places.

The rage boiled her blood as their eyes locked on each other. She felt heat radiate through her entire body. Heat fueled by her rage and hurt. This was the woman responsible for her son's death. She had killed her little boy without even looking back. A pothole. A speed bump in the always busy Sam McCall's existence.

Liz found herself taking a step towards the forlorn looking woman almost involuntarily. She could not stop herself. She could hear that Carly was saying something to her, but she couldn't make out the words. The only thing she could focus on was Sam. She hadn't seen her since she found out, and now here she was for the taking.

She no longer saw the surroundings of Kelly's. She just Sam. Sam didn't look scared probably because she thought that Liz wouldn't do anything. What would innocent Liz do? Poor pathetic Liz. She never was one to do anything to the people that hurt her. They were wrong though. They didn't know what a mother's love could do to a person. The loss of her child had changed her. Altered her forever.

"Liz," she heard Sam barely whisper.

It was like she had no voice anymore. The Sam McCall that she knew would have sounded stronger and more arrogant.

"Why are you here?" she managed to say though it was filled with venom.

"Honestly I don't know."

Liz had reached her by now and she was vaguely aware that Carly was standing next to her, but Carly wasn't fast enough. Liz knew what she was going to do and no one would possibly think that she would be so violent, but she was filled with violence. With rage and anger. She was filled with some many emotions that hot, stinging tears burned her eyes as they threatened to spill out. She lunged at Sam. She had her hands tightly around her neck before anyone could stop her.

They fell to the floor as Liz tightened her grip on Sam. She could see Sam trying to loosen her grip and she felt Carly trying to pull her off. She could even hear the chaos that was ensuing around her, but she was focused on Sam. She wanted to kill her. She wanted her as dead as her son.

She suddenly felt someone lifting her off of Sam, and she knew who it was. It was Jason. She hadn't realized she was crying until he had her off of Sam. The tears hadn't blurred her vision. She let go of Sam despite wanting to still kill her. She saw the woman clutching her neck and choking as she finally was able to breathe in. She didn't look angry or upset. She looked numb.

"Let me go, Jason," she yelled still focused on Sam.

She noted that no one helped Sam up. Everyone was standing by her trying to talk her down. She heard voices but couldn't understand what they were saying. It was just noise. White noise to the loud rage pulsing in her ears.

She suddenly only saw Jason standing in front of her with his face inches away from hers, "Liz, you can't do this."

"She should die, Jason."

"Shh. Liz, you have to stop. Please, think about Aiden and Cam."

At the mention of her boys all the rage left her body and she just collapsed in his arms. She had no more fight left in her. Months had gone by, but she still felt so much anger and loss. Now seeing the person responsible for what happened. It just made it so much harder to bear.

"Let's get her out of here," Carly whispered sympathetically.

"No, I'll leave. I shouldn't have come here. You should have let her kill me," Sam spoke softly before turning away to leave.

Liz pressed head against Jason's chest. She was embarrassed that she had lost it so completely. She was upset that she had let Sam get to her. She had choked her and she would have killed her if Jason hadn't stopped her.

"Let me go. I am fine," she pleaded letting go of him.

She felt him remove his arms from her, and she stood up.

"I want to leave, Carly. I need to get away from here. Can we just continue with what we were going to do?" she spoke solemnly, not looking at anyone or anything.

She heard Carly say ok and she headed for the door. She felt Jason lightly grab her arm and she looked at him.

"Are you going to be okay?"

She looked down at his hand on her arm, and then back up at the face that she had once loved so much. She knew his blue eyes and the lines of his face. She could paint him with her eyes closed.

"I'm fine. I just want to leave," she replied in a small voice and she walked away.

Carly followed her out with her hands full with their coffee and muffins. Carly always used to call her muffin face, she thought nostalgically. Now Carly was kind and it still sent shockwaves through her system. She was so used to the Carly that hated her and now they were becoming friends. Weird how life turned out.

"I cannot believe you almost choked her. I wish someone could have gotten that on camera. I didn't think you had that in you."

"No one ever thinks I have anything in me."

"That's not true. Do you know why I hated you all those years?"

"Not really. I always just thought it was because you were jealous of me and Jason."

"True, that was a part of it. But it was also the way you were with people. So forgiving and understanding. Your kindness radiated from within you, and when you would make a mistake, it just shone brighter. God, that was so annoying. But I look at you differently now. You helped my daughter stay alive by your huge selflessness. You gave me the biggest gift of all, and I honestly didn't deserve it. You showed me your kindness, and I realized that there was no reason to hate you."

Liz looked at her in surprise and awe, "You surprise me, Carly. You are the last person I ever thought I would become friends with much less be civil with. And yet, here we are in the same limo not killing each other. Wonders just never cease."

"I agree. But you did just almost kill Sam with your bear hands. You are tougher than I thought."

"I always have been. I just buried it for so long. Jason was right though. I need to think about Aiden and Cam. I can't go around attacking people."

"You didn't attack just anyone. You attacked Sam. She had that coming long before this happened with Jake."

She shrugged and took the coffee from the cup holder. She was silent for the rest of the trip. She didn't say much at the store unless she needed to. She just wasn't into it at all. She had never been one to really like shopping at least not after she had children. She always felt that any extra money she had needed to go to what the kids wanted or needed.

"Liz, Earth to Liz!" Carly spoke breaking her out of her thoughts.

"What?"

"I said that I think that you should get that. Where were you? A million miles away?"

"I guess so." She looked in the mirror at what she was wearing.

It was a nice outfit that she had on, but she just couldn't muster up enough feelings to care.

"I'll get it. Can we go home now?"

"Yea, I guess," Carly agreed disappointedly.

She changed back into her regular clothes, and paid for her items. Carly had made sure they got everything to go with the dress before leaving the store. She couldn't even remember the last time she spent so much on herself. She was again silent all the way back to Port Charles. She just listened to hum of the car and watched the scenery fly by.

"Liz?"

She turned to face Carly, and noticed that they were in front of her house. She hadn't even realized that the car had stopped. She had been completely zoned out. She wondered if she should postpone her places with Matt, but then she was really looking forward to spending time with him.

"I didn't even realize we were at my house. Thank you so much, Carly. I am sorry that Sam ruined my mood."

"You weren't really in the mood to go shopping to begin with. Let me know how it goes tonight."

She nodded and got out of the car. She looked at her phone and saw that she had two hours before Matt was picking her up. She rushed inside and jumped in the shower. She couldn't believe that it had gotten so late. While she was in the shower, she thought about what had happened at Kelly's. She could still remember what it felt like to have Sam's neck in her hands. It felt so good to tighten her grip on Sam.

She thought about all the things Sam had done to her. She had been a vengeful bitch when she found out that Jason was the father of Jake, but killing him with her car was the worst thing she could have ever done. It was everything Sam had ever wanted. Liz and Jason's strongest connection gone. She sighed and turned the water off.

She quickly towel dried herself and got dressed. Carly had been right, she did look good in the clothes she had bought. She looked at the mess that was her hair. She decided to let it go curly for once. She didn't have time to blow-dry it and then straighten it. She quickly did her makeup and looked at the finished product in the mirror.

She as she was attempting to think happy thoughts, her doorbell rang. She grabbed her purse and went downstairs. She opened the door to find Jason standing in front of her.

"Hey," he greeted her as he looked her up and down, "Are you going out?"

"Yes, I have a date with Matt tonight."

"You want to go out after going after Sam the way you did?"

"Why not? I don't feel that bad about it. I shouldn't have down it in public, but she had it coming. Big time."

"What's going on with you?"

She was confused by his question, "What do you mean?"

"You attacked Sam, you're hanging out with Carly."

"What's the big deal? Carly and I buried the hatchet, and not in each other's back. I would think you would welcome the truce between me and her. I mean now she won't blow up at you about me anymore. That's got to add a little peace and quiet in your life. And as for attacking Sam, well that was 4 years in the making." She stopped talking because she saw Matt pull up.

Jason followed her gaze and she knew he wasn't happy to see him. Matt came up the walkway with flowers in his hands, and a scowl on his face. Apparently he was not happy to see Jason either.

"Hello, Jason." Matt said coldly.

"Hello," was all Jason said before just walking away.

"How is that he always shows up at the worst times?" he asked still watching Jason as he got on his bike.

It was as if he was making sure Jason was going to leave. Once Jason was gone, he turned and flashed his crooked smile at her.

"These are for you, Champ," he laughed holding the flowers up to her.

"You heard, huh?"

He nodded, "Oh, yeah. Sam came to the hospital. She had some deep bruises around her neck and I guess she bruised her back when she crashed into the floor with you on top of her. I wish I could have seen it. She isn't pressing charges by the way."

"I don't think she has a right to."

"Oh, she does. You definitely won round 2. If you see her again, do you think there is going to be a round 3?"

"If she knows what's good for her, she'll avoid me at all costs," she replied coldly.

"So what would you like to do tonight?"

"I would have figured you had the night planned since you asked me out."

"Well, after what happened today, I kind of figured you weren't up for it."

"I'm dressed and ready to go."

"Okay, how about dinner at the Metro Court, and we will go from there."

She nodded and headed towards the door. The night seemed to go by faster now that she was with Matt. He really made her feel more comfortable. His light-hearted attitude about things made her feel light and he always seemed to make her laugh. She didn't think about Sam for the rest of time she was with him.

"I wanted to say by the way that you look amazing," he whispered in her ear as they walked out of the Metro Court.

She leaned into him, "Take me home. We can finish our night there."

He smiled and held her door open for her. They didn't talk much on the way to her house. She was a little nervous about inviting him back to her house. Once they were at her place, she went into the kitchen to get some wine and glasses. She turned around after grabbing two glasses on the top shelf, and realized he was right behind her.

He didn't say anything. He just kissed her. She melted into the kiss. After the day she had, she glad to be ending it on a better note. She wrapped her arms around his neck, glasses still in hand, and pressed her body against his. She felt the slow building fire burn through her body. The fire fueled by desire. She wanted him. She didn't care that they had only been on two dates. They had known each other for years.

She attempted to the glasses on the counter behind her, but Matt was so distracting. She heard the glass shatter as it hit the ground, but she didn't even care. She lightly ran her hands down his chest and pulled his shirt up over his head. He quickly pulled her back to him and kissed her hard on the lips. He wanted her just as much as she wanted him. His hands were everywhere on her. She didn't think they would make it to the bedroom at the rate their clothes were coming off. She found his belt and quickly unfastened it.

She let out a cry of surprise when he suddenly picked her up and carried her to the living room. He gently laid her on the couch and she pulled him on top of her. She didn't care about anything right now. The only thing on her mind was him. The only thing she wanted was him. She almost screamed when she finally felt him. It had been so long since she had been with anyone.

She laid next to him on the couch in complete rapture and content. She loved the feel of his arms wrapped around her. She knew that they were probably moving entirely too fast, but with the she was feeling right now, she did not care. She had not felt so good in so long, and she wanted to feel this way forever. She forgot how amazing sex could feel. It was nice to experience it without guilt or remorse.

"That was…incredible," he sighed happily.

"I would have to agree."

She snuggled into him, and felt the haziness of sleep descending upon her. Her last thought before it overtook her was that Matt was very comfortable to lay against.


	26. Where the hell did that come from?

__**I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to write another chapter. Life was just crazy after Christmas and I have just found it hard to write anything lately. Hopefully this will help me to get back into the spirit. Thank you again to everyone that has responded to this piece. Some are on the fence about Liz and Johnny, and I wanted to address that. I love the idea of Liz and Johnny being friends. Who knows what could come from that, but for now they are friends. As for Carly and Liz, I am just so sick of the bickering, and I think that those two could cause a whole lot of trouble if they joined forces. **

**More is to come. Promise. Enjoy.**

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><p><em>Liz<em>

The morning after her amazing interlude with Matt found Liz still in rapture with no regret. She had almost forgotten what it was like to have sex with someone without guilt hanging over her head, and she liked not feeling the guilt. It left room for the pure euphoria that was attached to a night making love. They probably got maybe an hour of sleep and she was fine with that. She wasn't tired by a long shot. She was energized. She had a smile on her face as she walked into the hospital for her shift and the smile never left her face.

She figured everyone would be able to tell that something was going on with her, but no one said a thing. She wasn't bothered by Epiphany's boisterous voice. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so completely happy. She knew she wasn't in love with Matt, it was too soon for that, but whatever they did have she was thoroughly enjoying it.

"Elizabeth." She turned to see Jason standing behind her as she was waiting for the elevator.

She lost her smile then. He seemed to popping up everywhere lately.

"What's up, Jason? I have charts to take downstairs," she asked impatiently.

"I wanted to see how you were doing today. I mean after yesterday."

She sighed and rolled her eyes incredulously, "Jason, I told you last night that I don't care about what happened with Sam. She deserves a whole lot more than what she got, but I am hoping that she will live a long life so she can live with the guilt of killing a 4 year old child. Now if you'll excuse me." She stepped into the elevator as soon as the doors opened.

She was disappointed that he didn't just let her go. He walked in with her into a very empty elevator. She felt the tension in the small area as soon as the doors closed. She remembered the last time she had been stuck in an elevator with Jason. It was the night of the hostage situation at the Metro Court.

She remembered telling him that he was the father of her unborn child. She remembered him asking her to marry him and her saying no. She remembered how much she had loved him then and how much it grown over the next two years before it was shattered. She also remembered that things had happened to make that love go away.

"Look, Jason. I am trying very hard to be nice to you, but you are starting to freak me out a little bit. Shadowing me wherever I go. Is there a threat that I don't know about? Why were you even at Kelly's yesterday?"

"I was coming for a coffee. I do it every morning, you know that. I was running late that day."

"Of course you were. I don't understand why you pulled me off her. You were talking not too long ago that Sam had not paid for what she did. Why are you so surprised that I attacked her? Because it is out of character for me. It really isn't. I have attacked her before. Do you remember the night of the Black and White Ball? I slapped her that night, and ended up in a hair pulling match. Of course, Lucky was on her side that night. Everyone was always on Sam's side. Poor Sam. Poor barren Sam. I owed her a lot more than just a few bruises on her neck," she rambled angrily.

"Liz, I want her to pay, but not at the expense of your freedom. The boys need you."

"I know that, but for future reference, just leave me be. I can take care of myself. I have been doing it without you for a while now. You know when you walked away and went back to Sam. Why did you do that? How could you? I will never understand that."

She was surprised when Jason pulled the emergency button and stopped the elevator. She looked at him in panic. She didn't want to be stuck in another elevator with him.

"I realize that taking Sam back into my life was a huge mistake. I get it. I took her back because she was so different from you. She wasn't you, and she needed me."

"I needed you. I desperately wanted to marry you so much so that I ignored the danger," she countered.

"Yes, the danger. Sam was used to the danger. She could handle a gun. She could fight back. She didn't have children to think about and never would. I had to let you go because I couldn't risk the boy's lives. I was wrong because the biggest threat to my son's life was my choice to love Sam. I was almost going to marry her.

"I thought she was the one I had the least to lose with. I regret everything, but I cannot change it now. I cannot change that you have moved onto Matt Hunter of all people. I mean really?"

She tensed defensively, "What's wrong with Matt? He's a doctor. He's a good man."

"I guess I don't get it. How could you go from me to him?" he asked arrogantly.

"Actually I went from you to Lucky to Nikolas to Matt. I have made my own mistakes trying to make sense of the wreckage you left behind. You walked away. You made sure that I knew that you were completely gone. I was left with the void in my heart that no one could fill. Not Lucky. Not Nikolas. No one."

"Except Matt?"

"Matt is not filling that void. He is a fresh start. He is my way to make a new life for myself without Jake. He isn't tainted with Sam or Jake. He wasn't a part of that life. You know my life is split into two now. Before Jake died and after. Matt is a part of my after. I don't know where it is going, but I like where it is now."

"So I am a part of the before. I can't be a part of the after?"

"Not like that. We can eventually become friends because that was what was always special about you and I was that we were friends. We were wrong to try to make it anything other than that. You will never give up the life that you live and I will never ask that of you. It is who you are. You didn't have to change for Sam, but Sam never changed for you. And I saw her true colors after Jake was born. I saw the cruel person she was, and I thought you had to. I thought you would never want to make her a part of your life, but you did.

"Whether you letting her back in your life killed Jake, we'll never know, but this is the reality now. I have been trying to pick up the pieces of what was left of my heart for three years, and out of nowhere came someone that helped me do it. I didn't see Matt coming, but I am so glad he did. You are not the one for me. You will never be the one for me. I don't belong in your world. Now, please start up the elevator so I can get to my work, and you can go do whatever it is that you do."

He stepped towards her but seemed to think better of it. He pressed the button and looked solemnly at her. She saw the pain in his eyes, and she hated it, but she could not change it either. She didn't know the magic words to fix this. There probably was no way to ever make this right. She felt that tug at her heart that she got when she thought of the hopelessness of this situation. The damage was irrevocable.

"Jason," she said softly, "I wish this could have been different. I wished for so long for it to all to have just been a bad dream, but it is real. This is what happened. This is all that is left. We just have to move forward with our life. Please, give me some breathing room. I need that more than anything."

He merely nodded slowly as the elevator doors opened, and she looked at him one last time before walking out. As much as she knew it was the right thing to do, the right thing didn't always feel great. She felt the opposite actually. She continued working but with a different attitude. She was in a different place now then she walked in. The euphoria had worn off, and she had bottomed out.

She was on her way to leave for break when she was accosted by Maxie. The annoying blonde stopped her before she had a chance to get on the elevator and disappear. She braced herself for whatever was about to happen with Maxie. She knew it probably had something to _do_ with Matt. Maxie probably found out about her and Matt seeing each other. She knew Maxie would have something to say about it.

"Well, if it isn't, _poor_ pathetic Elizabeth. I heard what you did to Sam. Then I heard that you are seeing Matt. What the hell do you think you are doing?" Maxie demanded angrily.

Liz scoffed at the irony of the situation, "Really, Maxie. You are coming at me because I attacked Sam. I mean seriously. Look, I am in no mood for you. Just get away from me."

"I won't just get away from you. Where do you get off attacking her? I mean it is not as if she purposely killed your son. You _purposely_ attacked her at Kelly's and at the police station. I tried everything I could to get her to press charges against you but she wouldn't."

Liz felt the familiar rage rising up inside her and she was really trying to keep it at bay, "Look, Maxie. You really need to back off now. I can't even believe you would think that me physically attacking her is anything compared to her hitting my child. Accident or not. You HAVE no idea what you are talking about as usual. Hitting Jake was just the tip of the iceberg." She choked on Jake's name.

This was turning into a really bad day, and Maxie was not helping it at all. She felt her hands ball up at her sides as she tried to restrain herself from slapping the crap out of Maxie. She felt her nails digging into the palms of her hands as held them tightly at her sides. Was this really happening?

She was surprised when Maxie stepped closer to her menacingly, sort of, "Listen here, Muffin Face. That was an accident. I don't care how much you are hurting, you had no right to hurt her. And as for Matt. You need to keep your slutty mitts off of him. He deserves better than you, and soon he will realize that I am what he had with me was better than anything he has with you. You're a revolving door Elizabeth!"

"That is rich coming from you, Maxie. Hey, I got an idea. Maybe you could try to entice him with drugs. It's worked for you before. That was the only way you keep Lucky, that and lying about being pregnant. You could always try that. You seem to be good at entrapment. But after last night, I really doubt that Matt will be thinking of you in any way, shape, or form," she replied back snarkily.

Maxie's eyes flashed when she realized what Liz was talking about, "You slept with him already. Good God, that must be record for you."

"Well, it wasn't a broom closet," she shot back feeling it harder to control herself.

She wanted to hit Maxie so bad. She had so much rage in her, and she didn't know what to do with it. Imagine her surprise when Maxie slapped her first. It didn't hurt; it just added fuel to her fire. She was about to lunge at her when Matt jumped in between them. She blinked back the rage of tears threatening to cascade down her face.

"Whoa, what the hell is going on here?"

Maxie turned her rage on Matt now, "You slept with her! I can't even believe you would lower yourself to this little tramp."

Liz snorted and rolled her eyes as Matt stood there shocked unable to speak. She wished she knew what he was thinking.

"How could you do that, Matt?" Maxie demanded almost stomping her foot like 5 year old brat.

She had her hands on her hips staring him down as he looked at Liz helplessly. She merely shrugged and hit the button for the elevator. She needed to get away before she did end up in jail for beating the crap out Maxie for running off at the mouth though she did have every right to hit her back. She was still so angry she could taste the rage on her tongue.

"Look, Maxie. It's really none of your business. We broke up a month ago. Whatever Liz and I do or don't do is none of your business. This has to be more than just that though. I mean, Maxie, we've been over for a month now."

"She attacked me because I attacked Sam. Apparently what I did was worse than hitting a four year old child and killing him," she spoke up with hatred saturating her voice.

Matt must have detected something weird in her voice because he looked at her with worry, "She is mad at you for lashing out at Sam?"

She could only nod not trusting her voice. She was never so relieved when the elevator opened up and she moved to get on it. Matt looked at Maxie sadly and joined her without another word. She had half expected Maxie to follow them in there, but she didn't, thankfully. As soon as the doors were closed, she leaned against the wall of the elevator and sighed loudly.

"You told her we slept together?" he asked in disbelief.

"Not in so many words. She started attacking me, and I got defensive. Sorry, I don't usually air my personal business like that, but she was pissing me off."

He stepped closer to her and she looked at him sadly, "She really gets to you doesn't she?"

She nodded her head feeling stinging tears threaten to come, "She actually stood up for Sam. She is such a cold hearted bitch. She has no idea what losing a child like that does to a person. It changes them. I can feel the change in me. I never used to be this confrontational."

"In your defense, she did start with you, and she slapped you. You looked like you were going to rip her head off."

She managed a small smile, "I probably would have annihilated her."

He touched her face, and she felt herself instantly respond to the feel of him touching her. It had been so long since she had had such a feeling in her body.

"I am on break," she whispered stepping closer to him until they were inches away from each other.

He smiled, "It just so happens that I am also on break. Your place or mine?"

She kissed him abruptly and ran her fingers through his thick, soft hair. She loved kissing him. The feel of his lips. The way he responded to her kiss. Her touch. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. It was so nice to have something uncomplicated in her extremely complicated life. They pulled apart as the elevator stopped and he followed her out to her car.

They barely made it inside her front door before they were on each other. Both hungry for the touch of the other's lips. Both feeling the physical ache of wanting the other so much. She had not experience anything so potent since Nikolas, and that had been exciting because it was forbidden. This was far from forbidden. They were to single, consenting adults, and she wanted him.

Her couch had never been so used before, she thought to herself as they laid next to each other; both spent and both content. She felt safer with him than she had felt in so long. He wasn't a mob enforcer or cop, but there was a different kind of safeness with him. He was safe in that he was stable. He was the most logical man she had ever picked in her life to be with.

"We need to get back before Epiphany sends out a search party," she smiled sitting up to get dressed.

He groaned and got dressed as well. She was sad to see him get dressed. He was really something to look at. She was surprised at just how sexy he was. She thought he would have been a little puny, but he wasn't at all. She was just used to men like Nikolas and Jason, but both were ridiculous to compare anyone to. Matt was a different kind of guy all the way around.

"You know this isn't the last we will hear from Maxie," she said tying her drawstring pants.

"No, probably not, but who really cares." He pulled her to him tightly and kissed her again.

"Work, Matt."

He rolled his eyes, and they went back to work. She pulled another six hours before she was able to go get the boys. Her break with Matt had helped pull her out of her cloud a little, but she was still troubled by her elevator ride with Jason.

As she drove to pick up the boys from Lucky's, she thought about the things that had led her and Jason to where they were. She thought about the night in Jake's when had accosted some random guy for not leaving her alone. She knew at the moment she was in love with him. She loved his ability to just not care. She loved to see the world the way he did, and she wished she had been brave enough to continue to do that.

She remembered how she had walked away from him though it was the hardest decision she had ever made in her life. They had tried so many times to stay away from each other even after Jake had been born. She also remembered the way it felt when he finally did walk away from her for good. She had been able to not only feel her heart break, but she had heard it. A millions pieces of her heart had shattered that day. Just like her heart had been shattered the night Jake had died.

Her heart squeezed as soon as she thought about Jake. Would this ever stop? She shook her head to clear her thoughts, and looked up just as a car barreled into her from behind. Everything went blank after that,


	27. Carly finds Liz

__Sorry that the updates have been few and far between. Thanks everyone for your input. Please let me know what you think of this chapter. Next chapter will be up faster than last one.

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><p><em>Matt<em>

He was deep in his fantasies about Liz when he heard Epiphany get a phone call. She immediately looked at him in such a way he had never seen before. She looked terrified and Epiphany never looked like that. She was the strongest woman he had ever met. He sprung forward from his perch and over to her as she hung up the phone. She looked dazed as she continued looking at him.

"Epiphany, what is wrong?" he asked worry coloring his voice.

"We need to get the OR prepped. They are bringing Elizabeth in. She appears to have driven off the road. They don't know how it happened or even what happened, but it is bad. She is unconscious and barely breathing."

Matt went into doctor mode despite physically hearing his heart break, "Okay, she is going to need a CT scan and an MRI to survey the damage. Page Robin and Patrick and get them down here now. We need to be ready for her when she gets here. Who found her?"

"I don't know. The ambulance is in route to here now."

"Alright. We need to get her blood type because she may need a transfusion if she has lost a lot of blood. We need the best surgical team ready for her. Get on it now, Epiphany."

Epiphany didn't even comment on his demanding tone. She just went to work as he started pulling her file up on the computer. He told the nurse to get it printed out and meet him in the ER. He took the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. All the way down he felt his stomach turn into tighter knots as he pictured his life without her. It was not something he could stomach doing.

_Carly_

Carly was rushed as usual. She wondered how things went for Elizabeth and Matt last night. She was thinking about Jason and hoping he would come out of all this unscathed. He was even more introverted than usual, and she was beginning to worry. _Gosh, it's getting foggy out, _she thought as she drove along.

She came upon what looked like debris on the road, and she realized it was a tire in the middle of the road. She hit the brakes before she plowed into it. She swung the door open, and looked around to see where it could have come from. She saw skid marks in the road the led to the side of the road which went into a ravine. She always dreaded driving on this part of the road because it was so dangerous. The ravine must have dropped down about 30 feet.

She saw that the plants were plowed down and a tree was missing a lot of its bark. She felt a sense of dread creep up on her as she walked to the edge. She saw brake lights at the bottom of the ravine, and all her worst fears were realized. She ran back to her car and grabbed her phone out of her car.

She quickly talked into the phone and told the operator where she was. Once she was off the phone, she went back to the edge of the ravine. She couldn't make out what kind of car was down there, but she knew she had to get down there to help whoever it was. She would want the same treatment. She slipped her heels off and slid her way down.

"Hey, everything is going to be okay. The ambulance is on its way," she called out as she reached the trunk of the car. It was smashed all to hell, but she was too worried to process that at the moment.

She moved to the driver's side door and saw Elizabeth unconscious in the driver's seat. Dark blood trailed down from a cut above her eye. The car was demolished from hitting a thick tree head on. She couldn't understand what could have happened. Elizabeth was always a safe driver. So cautious and careful.

"Elizabeth, are you okay? Can you hear me?" She tried to open the door, but it was jammed.

She couldn't hear anything remotely sounding like an ambulance coming their way. She made her way to the opposite side, and managed to open the door. She crawled across, and gently attempted to find a pulse on Liz. She felt a rush of relief when she picked up a faint one, it wasn't much but it was there. She was alive, barely.

Carly felt wetness on her face and realized she was crying. She hadn't realized that Liz had become important to her, and Carly wanted to make sure she made it out of this okay. She tried see if anything was broken, but she had no way of knowing if anything was. She heard Liz groan softly.

"Jake?" she heard Liz whisper, and Carly's heart broke. She would never stop missing her little boy.

"Liz, it's Carly. You've been in a really bad car accident. Do you think you broke anything?"

Liz blinked a couple times before she attempted to move her head. She winced as she turned her neck.

"Everything hurts," she said softly and then slipped back into unconsciousness.

The reassuring sound of the ambulance blasted as it reached the top of the ravine. She reluctantly got out of the car, and waved for them to come down to where she was.

"What happened?" the EMT asked as he made his way down.

"I don't know. She was awake for about a minute, but she is back out again."

She stayed out of the way as they went to work as to get Liz out. She stood at the top of the hill and decided whether or not to call Jason. She knew he would want to know even he and Liz weren't on the best of terms right now. She should also call Lucky. She took her phone out and began making calls.

_Matt_

He was on pins and needles as he waited at the entrance of the ER for Liz. Patrick and Robin were already in position to help in anyway. He would have Patrick do what needed to be done because he would never be able to detach himself enough from the situation. He saw the flash of lights coming down the hill and he went into doctor mode.

The ambulance stopped in front of him and the EMTs jumped out rushing to the back door. Nothing would have prepared him for what he saw next. She was covered in blood and glass from the impact. She had a nasty cut on above her eyebrow and they had put a neck brace on her. She was just a mess. He listened to what the EMTs had to say about her condition as they walked inside the hospital. Patrick was already at the gurney listening as well.

Matt could see the fear in Patrick's eyes because it was the same fear he felt. Robin ran over and was soon wearing the same face.

"How long has she been out?" Robin asked.

"At least 30 minutes. She regained consciousness briefly before we got there."

"Who found her?" Matt spoke up as he checked for broken bones.

"I did." Carly rushed up to them worry written deeply on her face.

Shock rippled through Robin's expression when she saw Carly, "Why are you here?"

"Liz and I called a cease fire. We are friends now. I am here because I am worried sick about her."

"Alright, alright. Enough. Let's get her in for a MRI and let's see what is going on here," Patrick demanded loudly.

Robin shut her mouth with an audible snap and Carly just smirked slightly. Those two would never call a cease fire as long as they had breath in their bodies.

"Robin, the next few hours are going to be the most critical for Liz. We need to pull together to save her and stop worrying about Carly," Patrick spoke gently as Liz was wheeled off to MRI.

The next few hours were the hardest of Matt's life. He worked with Patrick to get her test results as fast as they could. She had massive head trauma as well as four broken ribs. She still had not regained consciousness once she was wheeled into her own room.

He walked into her room and found Jason sitting by her bedside holding her hand. He looked at Matt as he opened the door. Jason's face was a mask of agony and fear which echoed his own feelings.

"What is the verdict?" Jason asked wiping the tears off his face.

"We are unsure where we stand. We have stabilized her, but she is not out of the woods yet." He tried to keep his tone neutral as he spoke, but it was hard when he knew the connection that Liz and Jason shared.

He knew how much Liz had loved the mob enforcer at one time, and he knew that Liz did not love him yet. They had only been on two dates, but he knew he was very much in love with her.

_Jason_

He stood looking out over the city when his phone vibrated on the desk. He sighed and walked over to the desk. It was Carly. He groaned and picked up the phone.

"Yes, Carly."

He listened as Carly talked quickly on the other end, and he was out the door before she was even finished speaking. He didn't even bother saying good bye before hanging up the phone. He hoped on his bike and headed to the hospital. His insides told him this was not just an accident. He knew Liz to be a safe driver, and driving off into a ravine was not a normal thing for her to do.

He got to the hospital and Epiphany told him she would not be done with tests for a while. He found a distraught Carly sitting in the waiting area.

"Carly," he said softly and she abruptly ran into his arms.

He would never get used to Carly worrying about Elizabeth.

"What happened?" he asked stepping away from her so he could look at her.

"I don't know. I found her car in the ravine. Her tire was in the middle of the road, and I almost hit it. She was unconscious when I found her and she opened her eyes for like a minute. Then she was back out again. She nearly plowed down the tree. I just don't understand how she could have done that. It wasn't raining and the fog wasn't that bad."

"You think it was more than an accident?"

"Well, there was damage to the rear bumper of the car, come to think of it. I thought it was strange, but was too freaked out to think about it much. Do you really think someone would drive Elizabeth off the road?"

"There are a few people that would want to hurt Elizabeth. Sam. Maxie. I am sure that she is not happy about Matt and Liz getting together. I will have to think about it some more. I am more than sure Lucky will find out what happened. Does he know?"

She nodded, "I called him after you hung up with me. Don't you think it is a bit extreme to run her off the road?"

"Who knows? Sam isn't in her right mind. Maxie is Maxie. She never thinks before she acts."

Epiphany motioned for him and walked over to her, "She is room 1004. I didn't tell you this."

He nodded and went to the room. She was unconscious still and hooked up to a bunch of machines. She looked so frail and small in the hospital bed with tubes in her mouth and needles in her arms. She still had a neck brace on, and a bandage on her forehead. He felt panic coarse through his veins as he sat down next to her. He took her small hand into his and looked at her. Tears slid down his cheeks as he hoped for her to be alright.

He needed her in his life whether as just a friend or more. He couldn't imagine a world that Elizabeth was not in. She was a light in a world that was usually bleak and dim. She was what made this world so special. He had loved her for most of his life after waking up. She had shown him another side to the world that he would never have seen. She showed him the beauty of art. She showed him the beauty of being a father though he had chosen to give it up.

He heard someone walk in and he turned to see Matt Hunter. He could see the tension in Matt's body as soon as he saw Jason. He knew that the good doctor had not expected him to be there. They were going to have to physically remove him in order to make him leave. Matt told him all they knew which right now was not a whole lot. It was too early to tell. Head injuries were tricky like that.

All any of them could do was wait, and that was never easy to do.


	28. And the fire burns

__Thank you to everyone for responding. I know this story has taken a different turn. Some of you have wondered about the friendship between Carly and Liz. I believe that the feud between the two is just ridiculous and I think that it should have been squashed a long time ago especially with liz saving Joslyn with the kidney transplant.

I believe that if written correctly that Carly could care very deeply for her loved ones. And that is just what I am trying to portray. I like Carly's character even though she can be a pot stirrer.

Let me know what you think of this chapter. It's got a little bit of everyone.

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><p>Lucky<p>

Lucky surveyed the scene of the accident. Liz's car was demolished. She was lucky to even be alive at the moment. He thought about the phone call from Carly. The shear panic in her voice. It still struck him as odd that there was peace between Carly and Liz. She had seemed genuinely concerned about Liz. Now looking at the scene he understood why.

Liz's car looked like a crumpled metal accordion. Hardly anything was left of it. There was no way she did this much damage on her own especially with the back being smashed to hell. He knew within his bones someone had done this to her. Why would anyone do this to Liz? He didn't know anyone that could have hated her enough to try to kill her. He ran through the list of people in his mind again. Maybe Sam, but she had no right to hate Liz. Sam had killed their son. Liz should have been the one to hate Sam, and from what he had heard Liz had gotten her hands on Sam. He still wished he could have seen that.

Maxie. Maxie was a lot of things but he never pegged her for a killer. He knew the hate between Liz and Maxie ran deep especially now that Liz seemed to be involved with Matt which he found rather odd himself. It came out of left field, but then Liz never did what he expected her to do. She was mystery to him, and always had been. He turned his thoughts back to the task at hand.

"This is a bad scene," Dante said in a low voice. He looked shaken by the mangled hunk of medal in front of him.

"I don't know how she lived. This tree is going to die and need to be taken down just because of the impact. I don't understand why she didn't hit the brakes."

"Maybe she couldn't think straight. Look at the damage to the rear end. Whatever hit her from behind was not just little car. I think we are looking for a truck or SUV."

"Carly and Jason drive SUV's," Lucky said thoughtfully.

"Carly's SUV didn't have a scratch on it. I don't think she did this. She would have had some sort of damage on it. I think we are going to need to look at the body shops and junk yards. And from what I understand Jason would not harm a hair on her head. Am I wrong?"

"No, you are correct. But who else is there?"

There was crackle over the walkie talkie and Lucky pulled it off his belt loop to listen to what was happening on the other end.

Static mingled in with words came across the speaker, "Vehicle fire on 78th Ave. Send fire rescue and proceed with caution."

He looked up at Dante who seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"I'm thinking someone burned the vehicle. Let's go." Dante spoke out before he had a chance to let the words leave his mouth.

They bounded up the ravine and into their cruiser. They threw the siren and lights, and drove like a bat outta hell to the fire. The fire rescue was already trying to keep the inferno from reaching the apartment complex nearby. The vehicle was completely engulfed with flames, and Lucky could barely make out that it had been a Yukon. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was the vehicle that had run Liz off the road.

"Well, I guess we don't have to look too hard, but all evidence is being burned away. And what isn't being burned away the water being used to destroy the fire is washing away," Dante sighed.

As if on cue the vehicle completely blew up. He could feel the heat from the blast as he ducked behind the car. He looked over at Dante who was shaking his head and muttering under his breath. There went all evidence. The fire must have reached the gas tank. His job just got a whole lot harder.

_Jason_

Matt had run him out the room so they could check her over. He took this opportunity to get on the phone with Spinelli and tell him to find out what he could. He saw that Carly was still waiting for him when he walked out by the nurse's station.

"Carly, you should go home to Joslyn. I will call you as soon as we know anything. I have Spinelli looking into it now. I am sure that Lucky is on it as well."

"Alright, but if you need anything let me know."

He nodded distractedly before she turned to walk away. He felt so helpless and he hated that feeling. He wasn't good at helpless. He felt the need to do something, but what? There was no way of knowing who had done this. There were no leads. Nothing. He sat down and massaged his throbbing temples. He couldn't help but think this was part of a bigger picture. Something deeper.

He thought of his enemies, and knew that none knew about Liz. He had been so careful when it came to her even though anyone that had been at the funeral knew that he was Jake's father. He hadn't even thought about the consequences for showing up at Liz's house or at Kelly's or at the hospital. He had found so many excuses lately to seek her out even though she kept telling him to back off.

It could very well have been Anthony. He knew of the connection between him and Liz. He had seen it the night of the black and white ball. He could have been upset that he had thrown Johnny against the wall for talking to Liz. He could have realized the connection was still there. Anthony and Sonny were never on great terms with each other. Anthony was a crazy, old man, and didn't mind using children and women as bargaining chips.

He sighed angrily and sat back. If not Anthony, who else? He thought about Franco for the first time in a very long time. Franco had been so quiet lately. No notes. No videos. No nothing. This really wasn't Franco's style though.

He stood abruptly and headed toward the roof. His place for thinking. He opened the door and remembered the last time he had been out here. He had come out here after Jake had died. Who would want to hurt Liz after what she had just barely survived? She was barely hanging on for dear life after Jake had passed away, and now she was fighting for her life. She had to be tired of fighting. He knew she wouldn't give up though.

His mind went back to the possibilities of who could have done this when his phone went off.

"Morgan, here."

"Stone Cold, sir. There has been a major development in the incident involving the maternal one. The Lawful ones have responded to an inferno of great proportions on 78th Ave. They believe it be the vehicle in question. Though from what I understand there is not much left of much use."

He sighed and hung up. He headed toward 78th Ave. since it was not too far from the hospital. He saw the alleyway was filled with smoke that smelled strongly of gasoline and oil as well as burnt rubber. He scanned the area looking for Lucky or Dante which he found standing off to the side talking to each other. He saw the skeletal remains of the SUV smoking a few feet away from them. This was purposely done. He had set enough vehicles on fire in his day to know that. Someone was getting rid of the evidence.

There was nothing left. No fingerprints, no paint. Whoever this was knew enough to get rid of anything that could tie him or her to the scene. Jason walked over to Lucky and Dante who shut up as soon as he was closer to them.

"What are you guys going to do now?" he asked eyeballing them both.

Lucky looked defeated and exhausted, "Well, we'll get it back to forensics to see if anything can be salvaged, but this isn't going to make this investigation any easier. There is nothing left. How is Liz?"

"Unconscious. Some broken ribs. It's still too early to tell. She is a fighter though. She is going to be something to contend with when she comes out of this. I remember when Courtney hit her. She woke up swinging especially since she couldn't see. Hopefully she remembers what happened. Patrick is worried about her head injury."

Lucky just shook his head, "I can't understand this at all."

"I don't either. She did get into a physical altercation with Sam the other day at Kelly's. Bout choked her to death before I pulled her off."

"I don't think Sam would go to this extreme."

"I wouldn't put anything past Sam at the moment. She is unstable."

Lucky sighed audibly and looked at Dante, "I guess we should question her. As well as Maxie. She and Liz got into earlier according to Matt."

Jason's head snapped up in surprise, "How did you find that out?"

"When I called Matt earlier to find out about Liz, he told me. Maxie slapped Liz and called her a whore. I honestly don't know where to start. I don't know why someone would try to kill Liz. It just seems so extreme."

"I have Spinelli looking into it as we speak," he informed them.

"Well, just let us know what he finds," Dante said. He looked just as defeated as Lucky.

Liz had a lot of people that cared about her, and it was apparent that this was affecting everyone the same. It was hard to feel completely helpless. He nodded in acknowledgement and walked away. He took one last look at the charred debris before heading back to the hospital. So many questions whirled around in his head, and he had no idea where to begin.

_Matt_

Sitting next to her bedside, listening to the ominous sounds of the monitors was enough to cause tension, but as her doctor and boyfriend, it was making him crazy. Patrick had said that she didn't appear to have any internal bleeding on the brain, but she took a pretty good knock. There was already swelling and now they were waiting to see if surgery was going to be needed to relieve the swelling. The longer she stayed unconscious the worse it was going to be.

He lightly touched her hand and remembered the afternoon they had spent together. How could so much have happened in such a short amount of time? Her hand was cold against his. He gently kissed it feeling tears swelling up in his eyes. How could person go through so much and come out okay? She could wake up and not remember who she was. She could wake up and be altered completely.

He had read Jason's chart and knew that he had woken up from his accident a whole other person. He had woken up and rebelled against everything that he had been before. Would that happen to Liz? And what about Michael? He had been shot and woke up angry at the world. Unable to control his rage. Would Liz be angry when she woke up? He had seen so many things as a doctor. Head injuries had uncertain endings. The person could end up forgetting chunks of their lives. The person could wake up having lost certain functions of their brains such as long term memory, short term memory, speech, etc.

These next few days were just going to be so uncertain. The one certain thing that he knew was that he was not going to leave her side no matter what happened when she woke up.

_Liz_

She was covered in darkness. She was blanketed in pain and wanted to wake up. She felt like she was sinking into an abyss. She couldn't tell which way was up. She wanted to break free, and found that she was unable to get her bearings. She could hear Jason's voice as well as Matt's. They were desperate for her to wake up, but she couldn't. It was like she was chained to an anchor that was pulling her further and further down.

She was running out steam. She tried to remember her boys, but holding onto their memory was like holding onto an oiled handle. It slippery and she could never quite grasp onto it. She had moments of complete blankness where she remembered nothing but the pain. She had no idea how long it was lasting, but she knew she was growing weaker by the moment. She didn't know how much fight she had in her anymore.

_Carly_

She sighed as she rocked in the chair with Joslyn in her arms. She held tightly to the miracle that Liz had helped save with her unfailing kindness. For so many years she had hated Liz. She had hated the connection between Liz and Jason. She had hated the way people loved Liz without her making them. She had made mistakes in her journey, but that had just endeared them to her even more. It had been mind boggling.

She had made it her life goal to make sure Liz was crucified for her many blunders even though Carly's were ten times worse, and Liz usually genuinely seemed upset about the things she had done. Carly had never cared who she hurt in the process of getting what she wanted. She didn't care who she mowed down once she was on a certain path. Liz had never intentionally hurt anyone, and Carly hated her for that.

Now Carly felt like this was so wrong that Liz was having to fight for her life after all that she had lost. She knew what it was like almost lose a child, and she could not imagine what it would be like to completely lose one. She shuddered at the very thought of how close she had come to it with both Michael and Joslyn.

She held Joslyn in her arms solely because Liz had swallowed back her grief long enough to save her life. She had set aside her guilt long enough to look at the bigger picture. She thought about Jason. No matter what had happened between him and Liz, he loved her. He was hurting at the very thought of Liz being hurt. She thought about Lucky. Though he was married, he and Liz shared a past that would forever have them connected. And then came Matt, he was bewitched by Liz. She had seen the deep panic and concern in his eyes as he attempted to put the pieces back together again.

She suddenly felt very alone. Jax had sent her divorce papers today, and she had yet to even look at them. Her fairytale marriage had turned into a grim nightmare. Jax wanted Joslyn away from the violence of Sonny and Jason. She knew deep down he had every right to be angry, but it was just not something she could do. She would never just hand over her daughter.

So many things were being thrown at her and she had no one to talk to. She was completely and utterly alone in this. She had planned on talking to Liz about tonight, but now she might not ever be able to. The thought made her angry at whoever could have done this. She hoped Jason would find them and rip them to pieces. It was the least that they deserved. She had never been so angry at Liz to want her dead.


	29. Darkness crashes

__Thank you to everyone that has read, saved, and reviewed this story. You will find out who might have done this. Or at least who is behind it. More to come

I do not own these characters. ABC does.

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><p><em>Lucky<em>

He sat down at his desk in the precinct feeling exhausted and frustrated. He was pissed that he had no evidence left on the charred Yukon. That was all that had been established about it. It was indeed a Yukon at one time. So now they were running through lists of possible car jacking's in the area. Ones that had been SUVs were top priority. So far there had been three fitting the description. The trace on the back of Liz's crumpled vehicle showed that the SUV had been midnight blue which was a common color.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly. He had been staring at the same papers for hours now and it was 3:30 in the morning. He was fried. Siobhan had called to let him know that the boys were okay, and she had sounded frazzled to some degree. She was not used to this. He would have to call Audrey and see if she would take the boys. So much to be done. He never realized how hard it was to be a single parent. He had always had Liz doing most of the work. He had only been alone for a few hours and he didn't know what to do.

Liz was still unconscious which had him worried beyond belief. He was trying so hard to hold faith that this would not turn into a homicide investigation. He knew he would be taken off the case if that happened. He would never be able to stay objective if that happened. He was having a hard enough time now, but there were probably not a lot of detectives that would stay objective for Liz right now. Not after what had happened to Jake.

He felt the familiar urge of wanting to escape. Get high. Something. Anything. He was struggling harder since Jake had died, and this was making it harder. Despite everything that happened between him and Liz, he had never stopped caring for her. He never would. She was a near and dear to his heart as his children.

He jumped when Dante slammed his hand on the top of his desk. He was feeling the same way Lucky was. Pissed.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. I refuse to believe this person is smarter than us. We have to think outside the box," he sighed frustrated.

"I think we need to take a break, and get some rest. I need to go to the hospital and see how Liz is doing. You need to go see Lulu. We'll come back early tomorrow or today rather, and look at this with fresh eyes."

Dante looked like he was about to protest but then thought better of it. He was just as exhausted as Lucky was. They went their separate ways. Lucky went straight to the hospital to find Jason asleep in a chair in Liz's room. He wasn't sitting next to her, but just staying close by. Liz had white gauze wrapped tightly around her head and bruises were visible all over her arms and face. Tubes and wires were attached to her body, and for a minute he thought about Jake on life support before he died.

It was just as hard to see her like this as it was to see Jake. She looked so small in the hospital bed almost like a child. He still didn't know how she had survived that crash. As he got closer to her, he saw the small cuts she had all over her arms and neck from the glass that had exploded on impact. This was just not a good situation at all. He pulled a chair up next to her bed and took her hand into his. She had cuts and bruises peppered all over her tiny hand. One of her fingernails had a nasty bruise under it.

The last time he had seen her this bad was the night of her rape. An image he would never get out of his head. Sometimes he still saw her like that when he closed his eyes. The hurt in her eyes that went so deep that it seemed endless. He still saw that hurt in her eyes. He saw it the night Jake died, and there were glimpses of it when she was lost in thought. She worked hard to hide it from the world, but he saw it.

"Oh, Elizabeth," he sighed sadly as he lay his head next to her hand, "What could you have possible have done to deserve this? Even with what happened with my brother was not so bad that I wanted you dead. I have learned that people make mistakes, but I cannot think of anything bad enough for this. You need to fight Elizabeth." He felt tears in his eyes and on his cheeks as he sat there with her.

He turned when he heard the door open behind him. There stood Johnny Z. This was just getting better and better.

"What are you doing here?" Lucky demanded pulling him outside the room.

"I wanted to see if it was true. Someone did that to her?" Johnny answered.

"Yes, someone drove her off the road and into a ravine that was 30 feet deep. Her car is demolished. I don't know how she survived it. Where were you this evening?"

Johnny seemed caught off guard by this question, and Lucky knew he had nothing to do with it.

"I was with Ethan at the Haunted Star. You can call him and ask. I heard this through the grapevine that she was here. Who would do this to her?"

"We are trying to find out. Whoever did this covered up the mess that they made."

"How so?"

"We found a vehicle burning off 78th street. It may have been the vehicle that did this. But we won't ever really know because it is disintegrated into nothing. All possible evidence burnt up or was hosed away. This person knew what they were doing."

"One of Jason's enemies?"

"Aren't you one of his enemies?"

"No, I want peace with Jason. I want things to be better than they have been. And I would never hurt her. I care about her."

"Well, then we are still at square one."

Johnny sighed sadly and shook his head, "This just doesn't seem real. She was fine two days ago."

"She was fine 10 hours ago."

Johnny looked through the window into her room, and Lucky saw the sadness in his eyes, "Well, I will use whatever resources in my power to find this person. So if you want it on your terms, you'd better find them first." With that said he walked away.

Part of Lucky knew what he meant by that and part of him wanted Johnny's brand of justice for whoever did this. He wanted Jason's way of doing things to bring down this person. He would gladly look the other way in this situation. Hell, he would probably help. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw Nikolas was calling him.

"What's going on?"

"_Helena is back in town, and not happy that we know about Aiden's paternity," Nikolas said quickly and frantically._

It all made sense suddenly. Helena was behind this. She was an evil bitch, and was exacting her brand of revenge. She wouldn't have cared if Elizabeth lived or died. She had been successful in outing Helena's lies.

"Do you know where she is?"

"_No, she lit out of here like a mad woman when she found out. I confronted her for manipulating us. She was enraged. I have never seen her so out of control. She is usually calm enough to find another angle."_

He sighed, "Do you know where Elizabeth is?"

"_No."_

"She is in the hospital right now. She was run off the road tonight. She is unconscious."

He heard Nikolas' sharp intake of breath and a few choice swear words.

"_She had something to do with this. I just know it. When did it happen?"_

"A few hours ago. Around 8 probably."

"_That was a little after Helena disappeared. She is a viper and would do something like this. She won'_t _be able to hide this time," Nikolas promised and then hung up._

Lucky wasted no time. He got on the phone with Dante and explained the situation. They agreed to put a guard outside the hospital room, and send out an APB for Helena. Lucky knew she probably did not directly do this, but she was directly responsible for it. That crazy bitch.

Suddenly Lucky heard loud beeps coming from Elizabeth's room, and was pushed out of the way as the nurses and doctors rushed in.

"She's crashing." He heard someone yell.

He walked in to see Jason looking around bewildered, "What the hell is going on?"

No one answered him so Lucky took him by the arm and led him out.

"We need to let them work. We have bigger fish to fry. I just talked to Nikolas. Helena knows about Aiden's paternity. I am more than sure she was behind this."

Lucky watched Jason's face turn red as he processed this information. Then he did what he always did. A calm came over Jason, and this was when Lucky began to get worried. Jason was never more dangerous than when he was calm. He took off without another word to Lucky, and he began to wonder if he had done the right thing. It was too late to do anything about it now. Helena was going to get what was coming to her for more than what she had done to Liz. She had had been wreaking havoc on people's lives for many years.

_Liz_

The darkness was still all around her and it was getting heavier. She heard Lucky's voice, and it was so sad. She had wanted to be able to tell him she was there, and that she was fighting, but she was paralyzed by the weight of the darkness. She was fighting so hard against nothing, and she was losing. Suddenly Lucky was gone and it was hard to continue to hold on.

Suddenly she lost her grip and fell farther. She was suddenly surrounded by a blinding white light. She couldn't open her eyes because it almost hurt after being surrounded by the darkness. She could hear laughter and birds singing. She popped open her eyes and found herself in green pasture. She saw blurry people all around her and wondered if she had died.

"Mommy!"

She whipped her head around to see Jake running right at her full steam. She was about to catch him in her arms when she was pulled back into the darkness as quick as she had left it. She had returned to the pain and the thickness of the abyss. She could hear the beeping of the machines and knew that they had brought her back. And she wept silently.

_Matt_

"I think we got her back," he sighed in relief when her heart started again.

"I think we need to do some more tests," Patrick said solemnly.

He looked as exhausted as Matt felt. Patrick's shift had ended hours ago, but he had stayed at the hospital for Liz and for Matt.

"I agree. She should have another MRI and maybe a body scan. There could be a clot that we are not seeing."

Patrick nodded and left the room. Matt slumped into the chair next to Liz's bed. He saw a tear sliding down her cheek. Strange that that should happen, but it was unusual.

"Liz, you have got to hold on. I don't know if we can bring you back again. We need you here. I," he started but choked on his words. Choked on his own tears.

He hastily wiped them away. He was a doctor. He needed to get it together. He looked at the clock and saw that she had been unconscious for 10 hours now. It was pushing 6 am.

"Liz, I need you. I love you, Liz. I don't know when it happened. I don't even care. You have showed me something that I have never known before. Unconditional kindness. You accept me for how I am. No one has ever done that. At least not since my mother died. Liz, your boys need you. Fight, Liz." He broke down again and buried his face in her sheets.

He wasn't a crier, but he could not fight it anymore. He had become so accustom to her smile, her laugh, everything. How would he do this without her?

_Jason_

He took off to his penthouse. He didn't even bother with his bike. He needed to walk to clear his head. He didn't know if she had lived or died. He had left so quickly. He had called Spinelli as soon as he was away from eager ears. He told him to pull every resource he had to find that old bag. Helena. She didn't know who she was dealing with now. He had never had much to do with her. She was her own brand of evil, and he not much use for her.

She wasn't used to the kind of man that he was. He would turn out every resource he had to find her. Spinelli was already looking through the web to find out if she had done this. He knew she had not physically been driving that SUV, but he knew she had her own resources to get it done. He hoped Spinelli had something to go on when he got back to the penthouse.

He looked out at the water by the piers. He had been here so many times with Elizabeth. Shared so many moments, heartaches, and secrets here. She had been such a calm in his world of chaos. She had never been safe no matter how he had tried to keep her out of his world. His world was not the reason she was in that hospital bed. Nikolas' world was the reason which meant Lucky was a part of it too. As well as Sam. She was a Cassadine.

He grinded his teeth as he thought about Sam. The Cassadine's stuck together so Sam was probably part of the reason that this had happened.

His phone vibrated and he quickly answered, "Speak to me, Spinelli, what do you know?"

"_Not much yet, Stone Cold. The last known place of the Mistress of Ev_i_l was the Haunted Star."_

"Why in the world would she be at the Haunted Star?"

"_Master of all Spencer's was more than likely there."_

"So does it show her leaving?"

"_No, but that does not mean that she did not leave."_

"Well, it's a start. I am going there now."

"_Stone Cold, How is the Maternal One?"_

"Not good, Spinelli. And I have to get to Helena before she disappears or tries to finish the job."

_Lucky_

He watched as the nurses began to leave Elizabeth's room. He could hear her heart monitor beeping, and relief filled him. She was alright for now. He looked through the window and saw Matt looking mournfully at Elizabeth. Lucky knew how the good doctor felt. Elizabeth really made an impact on any person whose life she touched. She had taught him how to love and about forgiveness.

He walked into the room and Matt looked up startled.

"I have an officer coming to guard her door. I am going to leave as soon as he gets here," he explained.

"Does that mean you have an idea of who did this to her?" Matt questioned hastily wiping his tears away.

"We do." He said no more because an officer walked into the room.

He glanced back at Matt once before guiding the officer outside the door. He gave the officer strict instructions on who could and couldn't come in. He went back into Liz's room and found Matt standing by the window.

"Make sure you limit the amount of nurses that come in, and make sure it is the same ones every time."

"Who did this, Lucky?"

"Helena Cassadine."

"Is she related to Nikolas?"

"She is his grandmother and she's a whack job."

"Apparently. Where did Jason go?"

"Probably to find Helena."

Matt was silent for a few moments before speaking again thoughtfully, "I hope he kills her."

Lucky couldn't but agree.


	30. Jason finds Helena

__Thanks to everyone still enjoying this story. It seems to have taken on a life of it's own that I never expected.

I am sorry to all my Sam fans out there. I do not dislike her, but because of the where this story is going is unfortunately not

going to show her in the best late.

I hope everyone likes this chapter. Please let me know what you think because it helps me to feel inspired. I look forward to getting emails when someone has saved or reviewed this story.

So again thank you for taking the time and giving this a chance. 30 Chapters. Unbelievable. More to come:)

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><p><em>Sam<em>

She could not help but smile when she heard what had happened to Elizabeth after Helena had her attacked. Sam had never been close to the crazy woman that supposedly her Grandmother and she knew she had only added fuel to the woman's fire after Helena was already upset about everyone knowing the truth about Aiden's paternity. Sam knew that she would be unleashing a demon onto Elizabeth when Helena had come to her after talking to Nikolas.

"_**So you killed Elizabeth's child with Jason. I guess that makes you more Cassadine then I had originally thought," Helena sneered.**_

"_**It was an accident, but Elizabeth doesn't see it that way," Sam had shot back.**_

"_**Accident or not, you have a long history with the little trollop. Weren't you the reason he was kidnapped, and did you not pay a couple of hoodlums to pull a gun on her and the boys at the park? Don't look so surprised. I have kept a close eye on you over the years."**_

"_**So then you also know that they found out about Aiden?" It was Sam's turn to sneer. Helena hated when someone got the best of her.**_

"_**Yes, such an unfortunate finding. I had plans for that little boy. I would have gotten him away from both of them, but then that nosey little bitch had to use her brain. That was not a part of my plan at all. Then to add more drama and strain, you went and hit poor, little Jake. "**_

"_**Accidents happen. He shouldn't have been out in the road in the dark. Elizabeth should have been paying closer attention to him. If she had done her part as a mother this might not have happened and I would still be with the man that I love."**_

"_**Yes, it is always someone else fault, right, Sam. That is the Cassadine way. Well, have you run into Elizabeth since that unfortunate incident?"**_

_**She nodded feeling the slightest twinge of pain in her neck left over from her last encounter, "She tried to strangle me. She attacked me at the police station when she found out I was the one that hit Jake. I turned myself in when I found out, hoping that would show them all that it was not my intention to hit him."**_

_**Helena laughed maniacally, "Yes, I would imagine she would want to get you back for that. She attacked you head on. I'll say this about her, she has more gumption that I had given her credit for. Unfortunately for her we Cassadines stick together." **_

_**Sam watched as Helena talked quickly into her phone, and arranged for Elizabeth to have an unfortunate accident. One that Helena seemed to want to have her die in. **_

Sam should have felt guilt for allowing this to take place. She should have tried to stop it somehow, but she just didn't care. She had lost everything. She had lost Jason. She had lost the people that she thought were her friends. She was shunned from every establishment in town. There was no point in caring.

So what if she had given Helena just enough of a push to make her go through with this. In Sam's mind, Helena would have done it anyways. She had it set in her mind to eliminate Liz before even talking to Sam. Helena was a rare sort of evil, and Sam knew she wanted her on her side rather than against her.

Now sitting in her apartment that was in a remote building on the outskirts of town, she felt that she had lost too much to care whether Jason was hurting from losing Jake and now Liz. Or to care that Lucky was hurting. No one had cared about her. No one had rushed to her aid as Elizabeth proceeded to choke her in the middle of Kelly. No one had stopped her from attacking her in the middle of the police station.

Not even her own mother had much to do with her anymore, and she would have even less to do with her when everyone found out about her involvement with Helena. She simply had nothing else to loose. Her best hope was that Helena would take her under her wing. Maybe Helena would show her what it meant to be a Cassadine. Maybe Sam would finally embrace the side of her that she buried for so long. She had skimmed the edges of her dark side when she had first lost Jason four years ago. She knew there was so much more that she could do.

_Jason_

The Haunted Star danced in the water before him. It was 7 am and it was very obviously closed. He walked around the perimeter of the yacht to make sure it was clear of any stragglers before going in through a side door. He moved as silent as a ghost as he made his way through the large boat. He pulled out his gun and was comforted by the familiar weight of it in his hand. He lurked in the shadows as he made his way to the main area. He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard whispering in the front bar area. He recognized Luke's sarcastic tone as it floated into where Jason was located.

"Helena, I think that once again your presence is most unwelcome in this town. We are usually on friendly terms, but I am very disappointed in you for attempting to keep my son in the dark about being the father of Aiden. In doing that you are denying me my rights as his paternal grandfather. Not the smartest move if I do say so myself."

He heard Helena's sinister laugh, "Oh, Luke. Like you have ever really cared about the whereabouts of your children. You have always been an absentee father. Taking off to destinations unknown on various adventures. Some of them for me. I really didn't think you would have a problem with it. How often have you ever stayed somewhere long enough to even know your children much less you grandchildren? The first two boys of Elizabeth's aren't even Lucky's."

Jason felt the slow rage flow through his body as he listened to them talk.

"So why are you still here?" Luke asked nonchalantly.

Even though it was early in the morning, Jason heard the clinking of ice dropping into a glass and the splash of fluid being poured into it. He closed his eyes as he imagined Luke pouring bourbon into the glass.

"I had some loose ends to tie up."

"Loose ends? That wouldn't happen to have anything to do with Elizabeth's accident because if that is the case, I really think you should disappear. I know you are used to doing whatever you want to do, but that girl has her own set of warriors. One being Jason Morgan. He is unstoppable once he is started. The other being my son who has the backing of the entire police force on his side. Your games don't fly here, and I would personally allow them to do what they wanted to you despite my past affection for you. Elizabeth is a part of my family no matter what she has done, and the mother of my grandchildren."

Jason heard Helena laugh again. He was getting angrier at this woman's apparent disregard for Elizabeth. She was just another stepping stone to Helena. A bug that Helena seemed hell bent on squashing. Helena had another thing coming if she thought she could this to Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth seems to be a lot of things. I am well aware of the animal you refer to as Jason Morgan. He is a rare beast, and Sonny has certainly molded him into what he is now. And as for your son, well, I will keep my opinion to myself about him since he is _your_ son. But just know that I am not worried about him at all."

Jason crept closer to an opening and watched the two of them. Despite Luke's carefree tone Jason could see the tension radiating off his body.

"So, you were responsible for what happened to her?" Luke asked again after taking a swig.

Jason guessed that Luke was beginning to drink just so he could be in this woman presence without killing her. Luke had always cared for Elizabeth. In Luke's mind, she was a younger version of Laura before her mind cracked and she was irrevocably broken.

"More or less. She attacked my beautiful grandchild, Sam. She is family, and we take care of our family. You of all people know that, Spencer."

Luke scoffed, "Elizabeth had every right to attack Sam. She killed her child. You would do the same thing except you would do it the way you have. Someone else has done the dirty work for you. I really think that our visit is up. I want no part of this. Whatever Liz did to Sam, she had coming."

"And I had every right to retaliate. Family is family. And Liz thought she was so smart sending off for new results. Aiden should have stayed a Cassadine. At least he would have had a chance."

"Just like Elizabeth had every right to fight back. Sam had it comin'."

Jason saw the displeasure deepen on Luke's face. It wasn't often that the normally cool and calm Luke looked displeased. She was obviously getting to him, and that was what she wanted. Jason was going to bide his time. He would strike soon and he didn't care if she was a woman or not. She was beyond even being a human in his eyes.

"Now, Luke. You can hardly place blame on me for acting on behalf of my kin."

"Your kin? As in Sam. She is not worth doing anything for. Alexis doesn't have much"

"Careful, Luke. As much as I enjoy your company, I will not have you speaking ill about her."

Luke had hit a soft spot, and he apparently knew it. Funny that Helena cared about Sam. Jason knew she had never had anything to do with her in the past. Never even acknowledged her.

"You are speaking ill of my family, and you have had a part in attempting to obliterate Elizabeth. I think you underestimate Liz. She is a fighter. She will come out of this a lot better than you or your, suddenly precious to your heart, Sam. You have set a bloodhound on your tracks by attempting to have her killed. Jason will hunt you down without remorse, and he will kill you. I think you should have thought about this a little harder."

"Morgan is a joke."

"He won't be a joke when he kills you, and he will. Female or not. He will find you. I am surprised he hasn't found you yet."

Jason pointed his gun directly at her head and placed his finger on the trigger. All he had to do now was pull it. A simple motion that he had done thousands of times. All he had to do was pull.

_Lucky_

"Dante, has there been any development in finding her?" Lucky demanded.

"No, I think we are going to have bringSpinelli in on this."

Lucky sighed and dialed Spinelli's number.

"Yes, Law abiding one."

"Have you found her?"

There was a hesitation on the other end of the phone.

"Spinelli?"

"Yes. Yes. I am here. Regretfully the last I saw of the Mistress of Evil was at the Master of All Spencer's place of work. Stone Cold is already checking into the situation. In my humble opinion, let him work his magic. I do not think that the law is enough to contain someone so venomous and cold-blooded as she, and I think Stone Cold will give her just desserts so to speak."

Lucky was torn between his duty as an officer of the law, and wanting vengeance for the mother of his children. He had turned this very scenario over and over in his mind with no obvious outcome.

"Alright, thanks, Spinelli. I'll take it under advisement."

He hung up and looked at waiting Dante.

"Well?" Dante said anxiously.

It was rare to see Dante so unhinged. He was usually calm and focused. In that way he was more like Jason than his actual father, who was emotional and volatile. A man that shot first then asked questions later.

"Well, Jason has a head start on us and I don't know how long of a head start he has. She was last seen at the Haunted Star. She and my dad have always had an interesting relationship."

Dante jumped and headed toward the door without a word; leaving Lucky no choice but to follow him. This day was never going to end.

_Matt_

He stood at the nurse's station pretending to read something on the computer screen in front of him. He was finding it hard to concentrate even though he was supposed to be on duty. He was tempted to take the rest of the day off. All he really wanted to do was stay by Liz's side, but he was a doctor. He had a responsibility to his patients and his co-workers to do his job. He rubbed his tired eyes, and tried to think of the last time he had slept. Two days ago? Maybe.

"Dr. Hunter, you are not doing anyone any good just staring at that screen. Maybe you should go lay down for a little bit. It might do you some good," Epiphany suggested. There was no sarcasm in her voice, only kindness and understanding.

He looked over at her, "That does sound like a good idea. Let me know if I am needed. I will be in Elizabeth's room."

"I think it would be a better idea to go to the lounge. I will let you know if anything new happens with Liz."

"I am not going to leave her alone. What if she were to wake up while I was asleep in the lounge? No way. I'll put a couch in there and lay on that," he replied decidedly.

Epiphany seemed to grasp that he was not going to change his mind so she just turned back to her work. Matt saw Patrick enter Elizabeth's room as he was walking towards it. He picked up his pace, and stopped outside of it when he saw Patrick sitting next to Liz's bed. Patrick seemed to be talking to her, but Matt couldn't hear what he was saying. He stood there watching, but giving Patrick enough privacy to say what he felt he needed to say.

Matt didn't feel jealousy, only idle curiosity, but he was too tried to care too much. He walked away to find a pull-out couch that he could roll into the room.

_Patrick_

He stepped into Elizabeth's room and felt tightness in his chest as he looked at her. This was his friend, his go to girl for advice, and now she was comatose. He had no idea when or if she would come out of this. For all his medical training and experience, he just didn't know. He didn't like this feeling at all.

He sat in the chair closest to her bed, and sighed, "This is just crap, Liz."

He shook his head and glanced around the room. The rooms were so generic in this hospital. No themes like in some of the other hospitals he had worked in. All walls in the rooms were a pasty gray color with nothing on the walls. No pictures. It just didn't seem like it was very cheerful which in his opinion would not help with the healing process. This room was dismal at best. He would see about getting her flowers. Robin would like that for Liz.

His heart ached for Robin as well. She was distraught over what was happening to Liz, and she was feeling guilty for not being around Liz that much since Jake had died. Robin was truly at a loss at what to do for her. Patrick had tried to reassure her, but that was just the way Robin was about things.

His gaze went back to Elizabeth. She looked so small. He still remembered when he first saw her. She was so beautiful and she seemed so immune to his charms. She had stood up to him and told him the hard facts. He had stood by her when she needed someone to trust and had nowhere to look.

"Liz, this hospital is falling apart without you. I never realized all that you do in a day's time. The boys, 8 to 10 hours here all week, and Matt. Though you haven't really been with Matt too long, I know he can be exhausting. But Robin says the same thing about me so I guess it is a Drake thing. The boys are with Audrey. Poor Siobhan came in here earlier looking beyond frazzled and Audrey stepped in as the amazing great-grandmother she is.

"Cameron doesn't know what's going on exactly. It's too soon to tell him anything. Lucky is off finding the person that is responsible, but honestly I hope Jason gets there first. I hope he does what he does best. I know you probably don't agree because you are a better person than that.

"I did hear though that you attacked Sam, so kudos on that." He couldn't help but smile at the image of Elizabeth choking Sam out.

He sat there in silence for a few moments listening to her slowly breathing. If he didn't know better, she looked as though she were just sleeping. She looked almost peaceful. The sadness that was often in her eyes was absent. The worry lines that had sprung up since Jake died. He had been worried about her over the last few months, but he knew eventually she would pull out of this okay.

"Liz, I guess you probably noticed that Matt is a wreck. He has certainly taken to you. I think if anyone can help him become a better man than it is you. You have made me a better man just by being my friend. Your boys will be great men just for having you as their mother. I am lucky that you have been a part of my life. You helped me believe I would be a great father when I didn't believe it myself.

"Now, you just need to open your eyes and come back to us, Liz. I am begging you. Don't let her win," he pleaded.

Nothing happened which was no big surprise. She had been out almost 12 hours.

With one last look at her, he walked out of the room. He spotted Matt pulling a small fold out couch towards her room. He would never stay in the doctor's lounge. Patrick knew Matt would want to be close to her if she woke up. Patrick would do the same for Robin.

"No change?" Matt questioned stopping just in front of Patrick.

He shook his head slightly, "No, but that is good and bad. She took a pretty good hit, and her body is trying to heal from it. Go and get some rest. When was the last time you slept?"

Matt looked up at him, and Patrick saw the dark almost bruise like shadows under each of his eyes. Patrick guessed it had been at least 24 hours since Matt had rested.

"I don't know to be honest. Wake me up when you get the test results from her MRI and CT scan."

He nodded and held the door open for his little brother as he pushed the piece of furniture into Elizabeth's room. He didn't really think his brother would sleep much, but he was glad that at least he would rest. Patrick wanted to go to sleep. He was definitely sure that it had been over 30 hours since he had last shut his eyes. He wanted so very badly to be crawling into bed with his wife, but he needed to stay close to the hospital.

All he wanted was this fiasco to be over, but it was a long way from that. A very long way.


	31. It's done?

__Thank you again. I am so glad everyone is enjoying the story. It is such a blast to write. Things are about to get interesting. Stay tuned.

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><p><em>Jason<br>_

The gun was pointed right at the back of Helena's head. She didn't seem to notice that he was there neither did Luke. They were eerily quiet now as if they were in a stare down. All he had to do was pull the trigger. His finger itched to do it. It was second nature to him. How many times had he done it over the years since he had become involved with Sonny? Too many to even count.

"I have you Helena. I wouldn't move if I were you," he shouted deciding that he would rather her know who was going to take her life.

There was no vindication in shooting someone in the back of the head. He slowly moved out of the room he was in with gun still fixed directly on the evil bitch. She had a slight look of surprise as if she thought he should never have found her so quickly, but it was only a brief look because she was quick to wear the mask of indifference. He had seen it though. She was scared, and she should be.

"Jason Morgan, Sonny's little killing machine. I am truly surprised to see you here so quickly. I didn't think you were smart enough to figure out that I was here," she replied coolly.

Luke looked bewildered at the sight of Jason standing there with a gun pointed at Helena.

"You weren't exactly quiet about your whereabouts. There are cameras all over this town. You were easily found once I had someone look for you. I could have killed you a dozen times already so I would shut up if I were you. I have some questions before I kill you. Now, I am not usually one to ask questions first. I usually shoot first then question later. But I have some questions about your involvement in Elizabeth's accident. Was Sam involved in it?"

"Whatever do you mean?" she asked innocently still not moving.

She was frozen and he could smell the fear on her. He knew she was vulnerable at this moment, and he knew she knew it. Luke was not going to help her. He had made the abundantly clear.

"Just tell me! Was Sam involved? Was she part of the reason you wanted to kill Elizabeth?"

"I had talked to my lovely granddaughter, and she told me how ruthlessly Elizabeth had attacked her. Not once, but twice. Well, needless to say, I could not let that atrocity go unpunished."

"She killed my son! I think she deserves a lot more than what she got which she will get when I am done with you." He cocked the gun, and he saw her whole body tense.

"Jason, do you really have to shoot her in my bar?" Luke interceded weakly.

Jason didn't even bother giving him an answer. He was focused on the woman in front of him. She appeared to be an old, withered woman, but she oozed venom and hate.

"Jason, how are you doing since your precious Jake died? It surprises me that you even felt anything about it since you never really had anything to do with the kid. Now you'll never know what kind of person he would have turned out to be. Such a pity," she smiled wickedly.

"Why do you even care? All you have ever done is poison the people around you. Look at Nikolas. Look at your sons. We may not have ever had anything to do with each other, but I know about you. As you probably know that I have no problem shooting you right here, right now. And as for bringing my son into this, well, your precious granddaughter is the reason he is dead. That is not going to help your cause at all."

A slight frown touched her lips and he knew she was grasping at anything right now.

"Jason," Luke started but he was too late.

Jason pulled the trigger.

_Lucky_

Dante was pushing every speed limit as he rushed to the Haunted Star. Lucky had two thoughts in his head that were very conflicting. 1st: he hoped that Jason had already killed Helena. 2nd: was that his father had somehow talked Jason out of it. He didn't know if he would want to arrest Jason for killing her. Dante had been extremely quiet as he sped along the road.

"What are you going to do if he killed her, Lucky?" Dante asked as he stopped in front of the Haunted Star.

He stared out the window silently. He didn't know. Helena had been a menace on everyone who had ever come in contact with her. No one was safe from her. She was just so malicious.

"Lucky?"

"Honestly, Dante. I don't know. I really don't."

"It's our job to uphold the law, and if Jason has killed her, then he has broken the law."

"Really? So next time your father "breaks" the law you are going to arrest him? This is not a black and white situation. There are a lot of things that Helena has done over the years. She was part of the reason that I was thought to be dead for over a year. She brain washed me into thinking I didn't love Elizabeth. She is a lunatic of different breed. Her kind of crazy is not widely known."

"So you want him to kill her?"

"I don't know."

Dante sighed heavily and got out of the car. Lucky jumped out and followed him to the ramp. They both pulled out their guns and slowly made their way up to the entrance. Lucky could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins, and he could hear the thumping of his racing heart in his ears. It was completely silent inside. He looked over at Dante who had a confused look on his face.

"Let's go," Lucky whispered.

They silently made their way in and stayed to the shadows. Lucky peeked around the corner and saw his dad looking down at something on the floor. Jason was standing a few feet away from the bar with his gun in his hand. He looked strangely calm which told Lucky all he needed to know.

"What is going on?" Dante mouthed to him.

This was Lucky's moment to do the right thing, but he felt good knowing that Jason had eliminated the threat. He walked out of where he was hiding and put his gun away. Jason didn't seem surprised that he was there.

"What's going on here?" he asked looking down at Helena's still body on the ground.

She had on bullet hole between her eyes. Jason was an amazing shot. He left no room for errors. He sighed with relief as Dante came out of the shadows. He went to Helena and checked for a pulse. Lucky knew he would not find one. Dante sat there for a moment leaning over Helena's corpse before standing up straight.

"So what should we do about this, Lucky?"

Lucky looked at his father who seemed to still be in a state of shock, which was a hard thing to accomplish when it came to Luke Spencer, and then he looked at Jason. He had put his gun away without Lucky even noticing. He was so still and stone faced.

"I think we should just let it go, Dante," he answered solemnly. He was glad she was dead.

He felt relief. He knew his family was safe. He knew Elizabeth was safe now. They all could breathe a little easier now that Helena was no longer a threat looming over their heads.

Dante sucked in a quick breath at this answer. It was probably not what he was expecting, but there were certain times when things just had to be let go. This was one of those times.

"Just leave it alone? Jason killed her."

"We don't know that," Lucky replied quickly.

Dante looked at him incredulously, "You're joking right? He is standing here and his gun was out when we walked in. This bullet wound is obviously fresh."

"Dante, we didn't see anything."

Jason didn't move as Dante walked over to him, "This is what you get away with, isn't it? And once again you are supposed to just get away with it."

Jason just looked down at him blankly. Lucky walked over to Dante and pulled him towards the exit.

"Nothing happened here tonight. We came here and no one was here. It'll be your word against mine and theirs. Let it go."

Dante seemed like he was going to say more, but thought better of it. He knew that he would never be able to prove anything. Lucky knew Jason would get rid of the body, and Luke would clean up the mess. That was how it was done.

Once outside, Dante turned on him, "Lucky, you are just going to turn a blind eye to this?"

"In this situation, yes. Let me tell you about Helena. She would have gotten away with what happened to Elizabeth, and she would have eventually succeeded. That is what she does. She was pure evil incarnate. No one is going to ask where she went because no one is going to care. I am not getting involved in this when too many people's lives are at stake, and you would think better about not getting into this conflict," he warned.

"I became a cop to protect the people I love and follow the law."

"Helena never followed the law. She didn't care about anyone except herself. She has paid for her atrocities."

Lucky got into the car and waited for Dante. Dante wasn't going to forget about this, but if he was smart he would let it go. If he knew what was good for him, he would never talk about this again. Lucky was never going to bring it up again that was for sure. He didn't want to know what Jason would do with her body, but he knew that no one would ever find it. That was just the way Jason worked. Driving back to the station with sun glaring through the windows, all Lucky wanted to do was go home and go to bed.

_Jason_

He could not believe Lucky just let him go without taking him in for at least questioning. The grudge against Helena went deeper than he ever knew. Once he was sure they were gone, he pulled out his phone and told Max and Milo they were on clean up duty, and to get down to the Haunted Star now. Luke was still extremely quiet. Jason wasn't sure if he had heard him say a thing since he shot Helena.

"Luke? Are you alright?" he asked stepping over her body.

Luke looked at him, "You actually killed her? I just can't believe it. I mean she is dead. Something I never thought would happen. I always thought she had made a deal with the devil, and that was why she had lived so long."

"Well, apparently it wasn't a very good deal. If I were her I would ask for a refund."

Luke laughed, "Ding dong, the witch is dead."

Jason couldn't help but crack a smile. Luke had snapped out of his shock and was back to his old self.

"So is someone coming to clean up this mess?" Luke asked walking around to the other side of the bar.

"Max and Milo are on their way. I will pay for new carpets to put in here. Whatever you need. It will be done before you open tonight," Jason assured him.

Luke only nodded as he looked at the dark blood stain seeping into the floor. Max and Milo came in with disbelief filling their faces when they saw Helena on the floor.

"Wow, Boss," Max said as he walked over to him.

"Just clean it up, and make sure Luke gets whatever he needs done to be able to open tonight. I need to get back to the hospital and check on Elizabeth." Jason took one last look at Helena and then was out the door.

He hopped on his bike and rushed back to the hospital. He had no idea what he would find when he got there, but he hoped he would see that she was still alive. That as all that mattered now. The hard part was not knowing if she was alive or not. He knew deep down in his heart he would know if she was gone though. He would feel it if she were dead. He just knew it. He parked his bike on the sidewalk and quickly rushed inside skipping the elevator as he headed straight for the stairs.

He took them two at a time til he reached her floor and he saw Epiphany at the station. She met his gaze and smiled slightly. It was her way of showing him Elizabeth was alright. He went straight to her room, and stopped before walking in. He caught his breath as he looked inside. She was still unconscious, but she seemed to have a little bit more color in her cheeks. He saw that Matt had pulled in something to sleep on and as passed out next to her bed.

He knew Matt had been awake as long as Jason had been if not longer, and he didn't want to disturb him. She knew she was alive and that was all he needed to know. He would come back later when he finally got some sleep. He wanted to be rested before he saw her again. He also wanted a hot shower to wash off the grim of the crime he had just committed.

He walked to the elevators feeling lighter than he had felt all day. He felt his phone go off in his pocket.

"Morgan," he answered as he stepped onto the elevators.

Milo let him know that Helena would never be found and the carpet people were fixing Luke's destroyed floor. He hung up without anything else to say. Everything was going along the way he wanted. All he needed now was for Elizabeth to wake up.

_Elizabeth_

How long had she been unconscious? How long before she could open her eyes? The drugs were beginning to wear off, and she could feel herself beginning to feel in control of her body. She wanted to open her eyes. Her boys needed her. All three of them. She ached to hold them in her arms.

She couldn't remember what happened to land her in this hospital bed. She couldn't remember anything except her boys and Lucky. She needed to get back to all of them. She knew Lucky was still hurt over what she had done with Nikolas, but if she could just wake up they could fix it. That was all that mattered. He hadn't married Siobhan yet, and there was still a chance.

She was working so hard just to open her eyes. Her lids felt like they were super glued together and weighed a ton. Why were they so hard to open? Her arms felt so heavy and her head ached. Every breath she took was like knives stabbing her lungs. She must have been in an accident. She couldn't remember.

After what felt like forever she was able to crack her lids open a little. Her vision was blurry as she blinked a few times. She was finally able to open them all the way. She looked around at the bleakness of ICU. She would know this room anywhere. She had been here enough on her own time. She sighed as realized she was going to be okay.

Something stirred on the side of her, and she saw Matt's head pop up from nowhere. He had strange look on his face. It was a look mixed with surprise, relief, and sheer joy. Maybe even affection? That was strange. Why would Matt look that way? How long had she been out? And why was Matt in here? They had never been really close.

"Matt?" she whispered. Her throat was as dry as the Sahara.

"Oh, my God, Elizabeth!" he exclaimed sitting straight up.

"What happened?" she managed, "Can I have a drink, please?"

He buzzed the desk before getting her a cup of water. She weakly held it to her mouth and drank the most refreshing water of her life. Her throat was soothed and she was glad that Matt had been there when she woke up.

"Do you remember anything?" he asked checking her eyes with his little light and holding his fingers in front of her to follow.

"Not really. How long have I been out?"

"About a day. You were in an accident."

"Where the boys in the car too? They weren't hurt, were they?" she frantically asked.

"No, no. They boys are fine. Stay calm."

Patrick walked in with a relieved smile on his face. He was followed by Robin and Epiphany. Both wore the same expressions on their faces. She guessed that everyone was worried she wasn't going to make it. It must have been a bad accident.

She was anxious to know where her boys were. For some reason she was really worried about Jake. She had this nagging suspicion something was not right with him. It tugged at her mind like something long forgotten brought to the surface suddenly.

"Do you know what day it is?" Patrick asked.

"Um, March. March…13." She struggled with that.

She wasn't sure if that exactly right but it had to be close. She saw Matt and Patrick exchange looks. She knew those looks. She had gotten the day wrong.

"Elizabeth, you think it is March 13 of what year?"

"2011. What's wrong, Patrick?"

"Elizabeth, it's not March. It's June," Robin answered softly.

"June. Of what year?"

"2011."

"Are you saying I lost three months? I guess it could be worse, right. At least it's not a blank slate. Can I see the boys?" she asked not worried about three months.

They were all silent and Epiphany looked so sad. Elizabeth couldn't understand why she looked so sad. Why were they all so quiet?

"What is going on?" she demanded.

"I think we should call Lucky," Robin answered soothingly.

"Okay, call him. Tell him to bring the boys. I want to see Jake, Aiden, and Cam."

Again the room was silent. Something was terribly wrong. She just felt it. They all left except Matt. She couldn't understand why Matt was still here. He didn't seem to be her doctor because it was very obvious that Patrick was. She was beginning to be very confused.

"My head hurts," she told him as it began to throb from all the confusion.

"I'll get the nurse to bring you something for the pain. How are the ribs? Are you having difficulty breathing?"

"Only every time I take a breath. Can you let me have some alone time, please?" she asked.

He looked at her mournfully, "You don't remember do you?"

"Remember what?"

"Lucky will be here soon. I'll have the nurse give you something to make you feel better," he answered as he walked out the door.

She lay back against her pillow and tried to think of the last thing she did. All she could think of was picking the boys up from daycare and bringing them home. It hurt her head to try to dig deeper into her memory banks. It would come back in its own time. It was only three months. Lucky would tell her what she missed and she would go home to pick up where she left off. Everything was going to be fine.


	32. Liz wakes up?

__Thank you to everyone's amazing responses to this story. Keep letting me know what you think. I love each and every review that I receive. Things are looking dark for Liz right now. More is definitely coming. Sorry it has been so long since I updated. I was having a hard time finding where to go with this story.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. ABC owns all rights to them.

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><p><em>Lucky<em>

Liz was awake. Patrick didn't go into any more detail than that, but the was relieved that she was going to be okay. After days of nothing, she was going to be okay.

He stepped off the elevator and headed toward her room. He hadn't realized how much he was looking forward to seeing her smile and hearing her voice. He hoped there were not going to be any lasting effects after what had happened to her. He rounded the corner to find Patrick and Matt outside her room locked in an intense conversation. They stopped as soon as they saw him walk up.

"So what's going on?" he asked anxiously looking from Matt to Patrick and back again.

There was something going on with Elizabeth. It was written all over Matt's face.

"She's awake," Matt answered in a strained voice.

"Okay, that's a good thing, right? She was only unconscious for a few days. Is there something else wrong with her?"

"Well, it seems she has amnesia," Patrick answered carefully.

"She doesn't remember what happened to her in the accident? Or is it more than that?" He felt dread spread through him as he waited for them to answer.

"She doesn't remember anything from the past few months."

"Like how many months?"

"She doesn't remember Jake dying. She doesn't remember anything after that. She is asking to see him as well as Cam and Aiden," Matt sighed sadly.

Lucky knew what that meant for Matt. She didn't remember that they had started seeing each other. She didn't seem to remember a lot of the things that happened. She wouldn't remember that he and Siobhan were married. Or that Sam was the reason for Jake not being with them anymore. This was not going to be easy to deal with. Lucky was going to have to be the one to break this to her all over again. He was going to have to be the one to watch her heart break all over again.

He was suddenly even happier that Helena was eliminated by Jason. She would never be able to hurt any of them again. She was bringing Elizabeth back into the grief that she had worked so hard to move past over the last few months. And now she was going to have to do it all over again. He was going to have to be here for her as she dealt with this again.

"So is that why you called me? So I can be the one to tell her what has happened over the last few months? For me to break the news about Jake again?" he asked incredulously.

"Not only for that. She is asking for you. You were the first person she asked for," matt answered grudgingly.

Lucky sighed as he ran his hands through his hair nervously. This was even harder than breaking it to her the first time. "Man, when is this ever going to get easier for her? When is she ever going to be able to be happy and move on?"

"I don't know. I don't think anyone does. Did you find out who did this to her?" Matt asked.

Lucky felt reluctant to answer this, but did anyway, "Yes, and it has been handled. That's all you need to know about it."

He looked through the small, rectangle window on her door, and saw Elizabeth with such a confused look on her face. He could only imagine what she was thinking. How was he supposed to do this to her all over again? He took a deep breath and went inside her room.

_Elizabeth_

She could a whispered conversation taking place outside her room. She recognized Lucky's voice above all the other ones though she could guess that Patrick and Matt were out there with him. She couldn't tell what was being said, but she could tell Lucky was upset by the strain in his voice as he talked.

She straightened up as Lucky came into the room, and noticed instantly how sad and drawn his face was. What had happened to make him look so tired? Did it have anything to do with her accident?

"Lucky?" she whispered questioningly and cautiously.

He was quiet til he sat down in the chair closest to her bed. Now that he was closer to her, she saw that he looked older than she remembered. He looked as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

"I am so happy to see you awake," he started with a sad smile spreading across his face. It never reached his eyes, and that smile would haunt her forever.

"What's wrong, Lucky?"

"Matt and Patrick say that you don't remember what happened to you or what happened in the past three months."

She sighed and leaned back, "Yeah, I have been trying to remember, but it's all blank. The last thing I remember is you dropping the boys off. I remember sending off for Aiden's paternity without telling anyone. Did that come yet? He is yours, right?" she babbled.

He simply nodded without saying anything.

"Lucky, what is going on? What has happened that I am not remembering? Your face tells me something is seriously wrong. Why do you look so sad?" she pleaded feeling an overwhelming sense of foreboding.

She tried to put the pieces back together again. She felt a throbbing in her head as she tried to find a way through the thick, black wall keeping her from remembering. She winced in pain as she tried harder.

"Easy. Don't hurt yourself. We can talk more tomorrow. You need to get some rest," he told her soothingly.

"I've been sleeping for three days. I want to know what is going on, Lucky. You all act like someone has died."

He should have known she wasn't going to just let this drop, if he knew her at all. He looked like he was going to say something, but they were interrupted by Jason coming into the rom. He wore the same mask of despair that Lucky had been wearing.

"Elizabeth, I am so glad to see awake," he said to her.

Now she was really confused. What was Jason doing here? They hadn't had much to do with each other in the last two years. What in the world would he be doing here? And looking s worried and defeated as Lucky did. Where was his shadow Sam? She didn't think Jason went anywhere without her.

Her head began to ache even more now. This was all so confusing. The heart monitor began to speed up and suddenly she couldn't focus on anything.

"Elizabeth," she vaguely heard Patrick's frantic voice coming into the room.

He sounded so upset and scared, but she couldn't say anything. Then everything just went black.

_Matt_

He heard the monitors go off, and rushed into the room with Patrick close on his heels. She looked so pale and disoriented as Patrick tried to get her attention. Suddenly she was out. He helped Patrick by ushering Jason and Lucky out of the room as a half a dozen nurses rushed by them.

"What's going on?" Lucky demanded frantically.

"She has experienced some serious head trauma. She is probably extremely confused as to why Jason would be in her hospital room. She doesn't know what is going on," Matt answered.

"Why would she be confused with me being there?" Jason spoke up.

"She is having some memory issues. She probably thinks you are still with Sam, and she doesn't realize that things are different," Matt answered distractedly. He was staring in Elizabeth's room.

He wanted to badly to be in there with her. He wanted to help Patrick in any way that he could.

"No memory of the accident?" Jason asked confused.

Before Matt had a chance to answer that Elizabeth was wheeled out of the room still unconscious. Matt didn't like that she was so pasty looking.

"Where are you taking her?" Matt demanded following after Patrick, "Are you giving her an X-ray or a CT scan?"

"MRI actually. I think she had bleeding on the brain, and we need to see if she is going to need surgery," Patrick asked walking away from all of them.

Matt just stood there. It was like he had forgotten everything he had learned in medical school. He couldn't see past losing her. He just couldn't.

Lucky latched onto Matt's arm and turned him towards him, "Where are they taking her?"

"They are running tests. She may have to have surgery. I have to go see if I can help." He pulled his arm out of Lucky's grasp and went after Patrick.

_Lucky_

He watched Matt walk away, and found it hard to even swallow. The world seemed tilted sideways. Lucky realized that he was alone with Jason for the first time since everything had gone down at the Haunted Star with Helena.

He looked at Jason and saw that the mob enforcer was looking worn down. All of this seemed to be taking a physical toll on him. He had deep purple bruise like shadows under both of his eyes, and he seemed to have lost weight.

"What is going on, Lucky?" Jason asked solemnly.

"She woke up, and didn't remember anything. She didn't remember that Jake had died and she doesn't remember that she was hit by a car. She saw you, and didn't know you two were on speaking terms. She is asking for Jake and the boys, Jason. She is going to have to go through all that all over again."

"Damn it," Jason exploded, "Helena sure did make a mess of things. She got what she deserved."

"I can't help but agree. But I also don't want to know what happened to her after I left."

"Honestly, I don't even know what happened to her in the end. So does Elizabeth realize she is in a relationship with Matt?"

"It's not very likely."

Lucky knew that was probably music to Jason's ears. He knew that even though he was married to Siobhan, he felt the same way. He cared about Siobhan, but she was not Liz. He would never love Siobhan the way that he would always love Elizabeth. She was a part of his very soul. His worry went deeper than just worry about the mother of his children. When was he ever going to let her go? He admired the way she had worked so hard to move on with her life after losing so much. She had done more than anyone had expected her to. Hell, she had even attacked Sam, not once but twice.

_Jason_

_Memory loss?_ He understood better than anyone here what that entailed. He had woken up an entirely different person. Liz, in a way, was lucky that she still remembered some of her life. But she was also unlucky in the fact that she was going to have to relive losing Jake all over again. That was just an unnecessary pain for her to have to deal with.

He had never been so glad to have taken care of Helena the way that he had. He was comforted by the fact that she would never be able to hurt any of them again. He just wished he could have gotten to her sooner before she could have done this.

He looked at the forlorn Lucky, "So what do we do now? Do you want to tell her? Or should I do it?"

Lucky ran his hands through his hair nervously as he seemed to think about this. Jason knew as soon as Elizabeth realized that it was Sam that had hit Jake she would be angry with him all over again.

The thought that all the progress they had made being totally wiped out pissed him off. She would have the look of betrayal on her face again. The anger in her eyes that had finally faded would return. He wanted to kill Helena all over again.

A thought occurred to him suddenly. He could still deal with Sam. Something he had put off for so long, but now seemed to be the one thing that he could do. He couldn't just sit here and do nothing while he waited to find out about Liz. He knew she had a big part of Liz's accident even if they had no concrete evidence yet.

"I'll be back in a little while. Let me know if anything changes or if you find anything out," he told Lucky before walking away.

He didn't want Lucky to have any clue that he was on his way to confront Sam. He knew Lucky would not turn another blind eye to this.

As Jason got onto the elevator he thought about how he had made it a point to not see Sam and avoid her at all costs. He knew he would have killed her on the spot for what she had done to his son. He had not been able to control his rage towards her yet, and now it was the one thing that he could focus on when he was feeling so helpless.

Sam better have a good excuse as to what she had to do with Elizabeth's accident if she wanted to live to see the dawn. She had a lot of explaining to do to save herself, and even then he wasn't too sure that he would believe any of it. Sam was the world's greatest con-artist. She had conned him for years. She had managed to weasel her way back into his heart after everything she had done to Jake and Elizabeth.

He had been naïve to think she had every changed.

He pulled out his phone and dialed Spinelli's number.

"Stone Cold, how may I be of service?"

"Find me Sam's location, right now!" he demanded not bothering to say hello.

"The unworthy one should be fairly easy to find in our great city. Give me a few moments, and I will see what I am able to find out. I may even ask the fair Maximesta."

"No, don't bring Maxie into this. I don't want anyone knowing that I am looking for her. I want the element of surprise on my side," and Jason hung up the phone.

He headed straight to the penthouse and found Spinelli pounding away on his beloved laptop.

"Stone Cold, it appears that the former fair Samantha has found a dwelling on the outskirts of town. It appears that she is an old structure that looks like it has been uninhabited for quite some time."

"Just give me the address."

"If I may acquire as to how the Maternal One is?"

Jason felt his heart contract in his chest at the mere mention of Elizabeth's name, "She was awake briefly. She doesn't remember anything about Jake's death. She doesn't realize Sam is the one responsible, or that she and I are not together. Lucky seemed to be about to tell her, but she went out again almost as soon as she saw me walk into the room."

"That does not bode well, Stone Cold."

"Yes, well, right now she is probably on her way to surgery. Things are touch and go with her. So I need something else to focus on, and that is Sam. Where is she?"

He watched Spinelli write down the address and was headed out as soon as he retrieved it from Spinelli's hand.

"Stone Cold, would you want the Jackal to come along with you as back up?"

He stopped with his hand on the doorknob and turned to look at his young friend, "No, Spinelli. This is something I need to handle on my own. It is something I should have done months ago when we found out that Sam is responsible for all this."

Spinelli merely nodded, and Jason headed toward the elevator. Once inside, he focused on nothing but finding Sam. She would not be expecting him to just show up. How could he ever let that viper back into his heart? He never should have believed that she could change. She had to know the wrath that she would be bringing on down on her, and he was going to give it to her.

_Matt_

He paced back and forth outside the operating room as Patrick worked on relieving the pressure on Elizabeth's head. The MRI results should hemorrhaging, and they had rushed her into the operating room.

Patrick wouldn't let him into the OR because he told him that he wouldn't be able to keep his emotions in check. Matt knew that Patrick was right, but it didn't make it any easier. He ached to be in there just to be near her. Just to know she was going to be okay.

He had been in a whole new world of agony since Liz had woken up. She seemed truly confused by him sleeping next to her on a cot. She had no idea that they had even been together. She didn't remember the time that they had spent together. There no lust in her eyes anymore when she looked at him. She didn't know that they had made love repeatedly just that day. She didn't even know that he was in love with her. He hadn't even had the chance to tell her yet.

Would he ever have that chance? Were they over now that she didn't know what was happening? Would she wake up after the surgery? Would she forget even more? Would she wake up a different person?

He stopped and leaned his head against the wall, and felt the tears fall down his cheeks. He wasn't one to cry. He never cried, but he had never had his heart hurt as much as it did right now. He had never felt this kind of pain before. He was lost without her. She had become his everything without him even realizing it. She had been such a constant in his life even before they became what they became.

Would she want to get back with Jason now that she was no longer able to remember what had happened between them? Or Lucky? He had seen the way both men were looking at her. He knew they both loved her. Probably even more than he could ever fathom loving her. His love was new and theirs was timeless. Matt had some many doubts after he was feeling so sure of himself.

He didn't know how he was going to do this.

He was jolted out of his thoughts by Patrick coming out of the OR. He looked tired.

"Well?" Matt asked wiping his tears away.

Patrick sighed, "I was able to relieve the pressure. She should be okay. But I have no way of knowing when she will wake up, and who she will be when she wakes up. I don't know if she will remember everything or remember even less. There is just no way of knowing. We just have to keep hope alive. But she is stable for the time being. I really hope that Jason took care of the person responsible for this."

Matt collapsed against the wall. Whether it was from relief or pure exhaustion he didn't know. Patrick was by his side holding him up.

"Matt, you have to stand by her for what she is going to have to go through at this time. This is not going to be easy. No matter what your personal feelings for her are. You have to remember she is going to be disorientated and unsure of where to take her next steps. She may have to start her whole life over. The damage was worse than anything I expecting going in. I just don't know," Patrick sighed shaking his head sadly.

Matt looked at his big brother. The brother he had never really known growing up. The brother he had rebelled against for so long just to prove that he was better than him. The brother he had learned was a pillar of strength that he had not expected. He was comforting him now when he was hurting him more than he ever thought he could hurt.

"So I guess Lucky should be the one that is with her when she wakes up?" he whispered resignedly.

"I think that would be best for her. If she loves you, eventually she will remember it. In the meantime, be there for her as her friend. I think that is something is going to need more than anything else. She has a long road ahead of her."

Matt just nodded and wiped his tears away. He could do that. He had already been there for her after Jake died. He could do that again. Patrick was right, this was not about him, but about her. He loved her enough to be there for her in a way that would help her get better, no matter how much it hurt him. That's what people did for the ones that they loved, and he loved her in a way that he had never loved anyone. She was the one light in his often dark and lonely world. He would take her anyway he could get her.


	33. The truth hurts

__Thank you to everyone that has read and reviewed this story. I hope you like this chapter. Sorry that the updates are taking so long. I don't know how much longer this will be. Let me know what you think:)

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><p><em>Jason<em>

He stopped some distance from the place that Sam was calling her home now. It was an inconspicuous looking place. A good place to stay off the radar. It was a bland looking house. Nothing that like Sam McCall at all. It was not tacky looking, but seemed almost as if a family could have a good life there if it was fixed up the right way. The kind of place he and Elizabeth could have lived in with Jake and Cam even Aiden if Sam hadn't hit Jake.

He felt the familiar rage and adrenaline coursing through his veins. He was on a mission now. He had loose ends to tie up and Sam was one of them. He felt the Sam would have to know this day was coming.

He had warned her once before that if she hurt Liz in any way he would kill her, and then he went and took her back. He had allowed her into his heart. He would never forgive himself for that. He could still see the smug look on her face when he confronted her for hiring two men to pull guns on Liz and the boys. She hadn't cared. She wanted to scare Liz. She wanted to hurt her.

She was angry because Elizabeth had had his child, and Sam could never have any kids. He had felt bad for that. He had blamed himself for that to some extent.

He stepped closer to the house. He was still in the shadows and knew that he was nearly invisible to anyone passing by. He could see that there was only one light one in the whole house. It looked to be the living room. It was a single lamp. No TV. No sounds coming from the house. That was Sam. She was never one to need any of those kinds of distractions. He knew she was focused on something. If she was working with Helena, she was thinking of ways to get her own brand of revenge.

He slipped through the yard making no noise whatsoever. He was good at this. This was what he was built for. He knew how to creep up on his prey. Sam knew what he was capable of so he had to be even more careful. She could already be anticipating his showing up.

He searched for a basement door or window for him to sneak into. Sam was smart. Everything was locked or nailed shut. She wasn't stupid enough to leave herself open to that.

He looked up and saw a trellis leading to the attic window on the third floor. The window was generic and looked easy to open. Quiet as a mouse he climbed up the trellis knowing it would hold his weight. He countered his weight at the areas so he wouldn't strain it or make any noise. He reached the window, and saw that it was not nailed shut.

Many thoughts flowed through his mind. Was this a trap? Did she make a mistake? How loud would it be to open this window? When was the last time it had been opened? So many thoughts, but he had no time to waste. He tested it by pushing up very slowly and it made no noise. He held his breath as he opened it the rest of the way. Once opened he ducked inside and tried to get his bearings. The attic was virtually empty.

Sam was a drifter and never kept anything in case she had to be on the go again. He knew she could very well have already taken off. She could have already found out about Helena's untimely death. He felt the corners of his mouth tug upward slightly at the thought of killing Helena. She had that coming for a long time.

He silently made his way out of the attic and down the stairs. He had pulled out his glock and felt the weight of it in his hands as he searched the second floor. The floorboards creaked slightly, but he moved so fast that it could have been a rat making the sound for all Sam knew. But he also knew she wasn't that stupid. The second floor was empty, and not just of Sam, but of furniture. Anything that made it a house was not here. It didn't look like anyone had lived here for years.

One last look around, and he took the back stairs that he happened on to get downstairs. There was a light on in the kitchen now. He stood in the shadows of the stairway and he could hear her moving around in there.

"Jason, just come out. I know you are here. No need to hide." He could help but respect her fearlessness.

He cocked his gun and walked into the kitchen. She was standing by the counter with a gun of her own. She looked so different to him now. She was the fighter she had always been. There was no weakness in her eyes like there had been at Kelly's when Elizabeth had nearly choked the life out of her.

He had a feeling she did not know that Helena was no longer on this plain. She was in for a very big surprise.

"I wondered how long it would be before you showed up here," she spoke clear and concise. He could tell she was fighting an internal battle.

He knew that despite everything, her feelings for him hadn't changed, and he could have cared less. That was going to be her weakness. Her eyes showed the struggle within.

"I am not surprised you knew I was coming. What part did you have in what happened to Elizabeth?" he questioned coldly not wavering where he pointed his gun.

"I don't think I really know what you mean. Did something happen to Saint Elizabeth?" she asked sarcastically.

His patience was being tested now, "You know full well what happened to her. She's been in the hospital for days now. And you know Helena had something to do with it. And you had something to do with it. Wasn't it enough that you killed Jake!"

"I DIDN'T DO THAT ON PURPOSE!" she exclaimed losing her cool.

He had hit a nerve and that was what he wanted.

"You've been trying to hurt Jake since he was born. You took it as an insult that she had my child and you couldn't. He was innocent in all this."

"Yes, he was. I have apologized a million times for what I did to Elizabeth and the boys before. I didn't hit Jake on purpose. I would never DO that, Jason."

"I don't believe that. Not anymore. You turned Helena loose on Elizabeth. What'd you do, Sam? Tell her that Elizabeth tried to choke you out. I should've let her kill you. All this would have been done, and she wouldn't be in the hospital because Helena attacked her."

"Helena would've attacked her anyways. She didn't just go after Elizabeth because of me. I was just the tip of the iceberg. Helena was pissed that the paternity of Aiden was discovered. Honestly, Helena didn't give Elizabeth enough credit. All I did was tell Helena that Elizabeth attacked me. Not once but twice."

"You killed her son! You hit him and kept on driving. What the hell did you expect Elizabeth to do? She isn't this little weakling that you all think she is. She will fight back if you back her in a corner. And you took her son from her. You of all people should know what that does to someone. Even if you never held Lila in your arms. I did. I held her after she died."

She had tears in her eyes, "Shut up, Jason. Don't use my daughter against me."

"The daughter you didn't even want at first. Elizabeth loved Jake. He was a part of her. He was a part of me. You had no right to whine to Helena. No right whatsoever. I am holding you personally responsible for what happened to her."

She puffed up, "Of course. Because no one can hurt the precious Saint Elizabeth. She is just so amazing. Nothing bad should ever happen to her. What about what I have lost? Jason, I have lost everything. I lost you again. We were just building our life back up. Do you honestly think I would have jeopardized that by hitting Jake on purpose? I love you more than my own life. I have lost more than anyone realizes. My own mother won't have anything to do with me. This town shuns me. Helena, who by the way never acknowledged my existence, showed me the first bit of kindness in months."

"Kindness, really. Helena used you. She won't be showing you anymore kindness. I can promise you that."

She seemed to take in what he said for a moment and then realization lit her face, "You killed her?"

"All I can say is she won't ever be back. Now I am giving you one chance, and one chance only. Leave town. Pack whatever stuff you have left and get out of here. I never want to see your face around here again. Because if I do, I promise you, no one will ever see your face again. I don't want to kill you, Sam. I blame myself for what happened to Jake because I let you back in. I trusted you when I knew you were a viper. I knew what you were capable of, and it is a mistake I will never make again. You are finished in this town, Sam. No one is going to miss you, Sam. No one," he said coldly.

She lowered her gun and her shoulders sagged in defeat. He lowered his gun but didn't put it away.

"Fine. I will be gone today."

"Now. I will watch you pack, and leave. There are no second chances on this, Sam. It is done. You are done."

_Liz_

Walking up was disorienting. She felt like her head weighed about a ton. Her vision was blurry, but thank God she knew she wasn't blind. She had almost gone blind once and it was not something she wanted to go through again. She looked around the dark, bland hospital room. She was sick and tired of being in a hospital room. She was starting to wonder if she was in the wrong career. Thinking too much made her head ache.

She wanted to sit up, but it was impossible to do with how much her head was hurting her. She tried to think back to the last time she had been awake. Matt had been here when she had woken up which was still a strange thing for her to understand. She had always felt fondly towards the young doctor, but not enough for him to pull up a cot next to her while she was in a coma. A sharp pain shot through her head and she tried to slow down her thoughts.

Lucky. Lucky had been in her room next. He looked so exhausted and wary. Something was wrong with him. Something was seriously bothering him. Then came Jason. Why had Jason been in her room? It wasn't as weird as Matt being there, but it was still confusing. Jason had Sam. He was involved in whatever scandal she was getting herself into.

She had tried to be cordial to Sam for the past, but she would never get over what she had done to Jake. For some strange unknown reason, she felt more anger than usual towards the petit brunette. Her head was hurting so much. They had said she had been in an accident. She was suffering from memory loss. What had she forgotten?

"Liz?" she heard Patrick whisper in the darkness of the room.

She scanned the dark room, but her vision was still pretty blurry. She heard him get up out a chair nearby and walk over to her.

"Hey, you're awake." She could hear the relief and exhaustion in his voice.

"Patrick, have you been here all night?" she spoke with a scratchy whisper.

"Liz, you have been out for two days. Everyone has been taking shifts on sitting with you. No one wanted to let you wake up by yourself. Lucky is down getting coffee."

Two days. She had been out for two days. She would never want to sleep again. She had missed so much, and she didn't remember most of it. She ached to see her boys especially Jake. She felt like it had been forever since she had seen his smiling face and heard his infectious laugh.

"Two days, Patrick? What happened?"

Patrick went on to tell her about her surgery and how it had been touch and go for the last two days.

"Suffice it to say, I am feeling a bit smug right now that you are awake and able to talk. We were worried you were going to be in a permanent coma. You should be alright now that you have a woken, Sleeping Beauty."

"Where are my boys?"

"Your grandmother has been taking care of them along with Nikolas and Steve. They are good hands, I promise."

She still felt uneasy. Something was off in Patrick's voice. Like he was purposely sidestepping her questions by only vaguely answering them.

"My head hurts so much. It is hard to focus. My vision is still blurry."

"I am sure it is. I will have the nurse come in with some meds for your pain. I know you have been asleep for two days, but you still need to rest. You need to heal."

She felt him lightly touch her forehead as he turned the light on to look in her eyes. The light was blinding, but she was glad she could see it. She was grateful just to be alive. Whatever had happened to her had almost killed her and she was glad that it had not been successful.

"I'll go get Lucky. I am sure he will be relieved that you have decided to grace us with your presence," Patrick said with a slight teasing edge to his tone.

She relaxed again her pillow, and closed her eyes. There was so much to think about and she couldn't wait to talk to Lucky. He would tell her everything she needed to know.

_Lucky_

He was sitting in the waiting room taking a much needed break. He hadn't been home much in the last two days. Siobhan was probably ready to divorce him and go back to Ireland. He didn't blame her. He had to be here for Elizabeth. She couldn't wake up with no one there. What if she had more memory loss? What if she disappeared altogether?

The thought of her not being the way he had always known her to be was almost too much for him to bear. It made his heart ache. He had realized how much he still loved her. He would never leave Siobhan. He didn't want to hurt her like that, but he had to be honest with himself. He would always love Elizabeth. Always had.

He rubbed his tired eyes as Patrick came around the corner. It must be time for him to take over. How much longer could they all do this? Taking shifts to be with her. He was so exhausted.

"How is she, Patrick?" he asked standing up as Patrick came over to him.

A tired smile spread across Patrick's face, "She is awake. For good this time. She wants to see you. Lucky, I don't know how you are going to tell her, but she is asking about Jake mostly. She may not remember completely, but she is extra anxious about him."

She was awake. The last two days were worth it. He was no longer tired. He let out a huge sigh of relief that she was out of the woods now. He would have to tell her about Jake, but he was just so relieved that she was back with them that the knowledge of telling her about Jake was over powered. He nodded at Patrick and walked away without another word.

He felt lighter as he walked to her room. He opened the door and she was waiting for him. She had the smile that he had loved since he was 15 years old on her face. She was wide awake.

"Elizabeth," he whispered overcome by emotion as the tears rolled down his face.

He walked over to her bed and kneeled onto his knees beside her. He held her hand with both of his and buried his face in it as he cried. He cried for joy, loss, worry, and thankfulness. He was a fountain of many emotions at that moment. He felt her other hand running through his hair.

"You need a haircut, Lucky," she spoke softly.

He looked up at her, "I am lost for words right now."

"Why, I wasn't out that long?"

"Anytime without you is too long. The boys have missed you. But before you see them, there are some things you need to know."

"What's that, Lucky? What did I miss? What can't I remember? I feel like there is something missing."

"Well, you and Matt are dating."

"Me and Matt? What about Maxie?"

"He ended it with her and you two have gotten closer over the last few months."

"Why was Jason here? How did Sam allow that to happen? Or even Carly?"

"Um, well, Jason and Sam aren't together anymore. And Carly was the one to find you in the ditch. You two have also grown close over the last few months."

She looked at him incredulously, "How in the world did that happen?"

Here it comes, the hardest thing he was going to have to tell her.

"Well, you helped save Carly's daughter's life."

Confusion filled her face, "How did I do that?"

He took a deep breathe, "There was an accident in March. Josslyn was diagnosed with cancer and needed a kidney transplant."

"So what I gave one of mine to her? How is that even possible? Lucky, what are you not telling me? Wait, you said there was an accident. Who was in the accident? Josslyn? Is that how they found out she had cancer?"

He felt sick to his stomach. This was so ridiculously hard.

"No, Josslyn was not in the accident. Jake was."

"Jake! I knew something was wrong. Tell me he is okay, Lucky. Tell me!"

He choked on a sob, "I can't. Sam hit him and he died, Liz. There was too much damage, and he couldn't make it. We donated his kidneys to Josslyn, and she is alive because you looking past your own grief."

"No no no no! Tell me this isn't true. No, Lucky. No. Not my baby boy. Not my Jake! He can't be gone," she cried full of grief.

He got up and pulled her into his arms the same way he had done months ago when he told her that Jake didn't make it. She cried like the first time. He cried with her. He just listened to her say no again and again.

"Not my baby. Not my baby."

"I'm so sorry, Elizabeth," he whispered to her.

He held her until the tears subsided which seemed like a very long time. It was fresh for her.

"Sam did this."

"You've gotten your hands on her a couple times since it happened if that makes you feel any better?" he offered.

She fell silent even though the tears continued to fall in a steady stream. He sat back in the chair but she wouldn't let him touch her. She had to process this again, and he knew from the last time that she needed to have space.

"I'll let you alone if you want. I'll go wait outside."

She nodded so slightly that he could hardly tell she nodded, but he knew she wanted to be alone. He got up and went out into the waiting room again. He laid his head in his hands as he felt the exhaustion hit him again. It went in so deep that he could feel it in his bones. He was not looking forward to the road that was ahead of him.


	34. Understanding

_****_I am so sorry it has been so long. I have had a bit of writer's block and real life has been really crazy. tHis kind of got my creative juices going. I don't know how much more is going to be in this story.

I don't know how things are going to end. I don't know how things are going to go with Jason. She will be seeing him soon.

I hope everyone likes this very brief chapter. Let me know what you think.

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><p><em><strong>Liz<strong>_

She had known all along that something was wrong with Jake. She may not have remembered directly, but her heart did. Her subconscious was screaming it at her. Her son had been dead for months, but now it felt brand new.

This was just too much to deal with. She knew she had seen Jake while she was unconscious. It had been so brief, but she felt that he was letting her know that he was okay. It somehow helped to know that even if it wasn't easy to accept. She still ached for him, but he was in heaven. He was with Emily.

She looked up as the door opened, and Matt came in. He looked exhausted and scruffy. Lucky had said that they were dating. She didn't know how it happened, but she could understand it. She and Matt had been pretty good friends, and maybe he had helped her deal with losing Jake.

He was an outsider. She could understand why he would be helpful to her. He could be understanding and charismatic when he wanted it be. She had seen him with his patients. She had seen him stay level headed despite being truly sick himself during the hospital crisis. She had seen him come to Patrick's aid when Robin was not around. He helped with Emma even though he knew nothing about kids. She could see just by looking at his face that he genuinely cared about her.

"Come sit down, Matt," she said softly gesturing to the chair next to her bed.

He cautiously sat down next to her. She could see the weariness in his eyes and the slight tension in his mouth. He was unsure as to what to say, and she could not blame him. This could not be easy for him either. It was likely that he was afraid of upsetting her in a fragile state.

"Don't be tense, Matt. Lucky has already explained why you were sleeping next to my bed. He told me about Jake. You helped me, didn't you? When Jake died."

She watched him relax a little. "Yes, I mean, I tried. I knew you would need someone that was not Jason or Lucky. Someone that wouldn't remind you of Jake every time you looked at him. Someone that you could just feel whatever you were feeling with and not have to worry about their feelings. You were always so kind and amazing. I didn't want you to lose that to the bitterness of grief. Somehow along the way it became more than that. You probably don't remember that right now, but it was real. It was beautiful."

"No, I don't remember, but I feel the connection. I felt it that Jake was gone without remembering it. I have to believe that things are going to be okay. I mean I have already made it so far with Jake being gone, and I feel that I owe some of that to you. I have to be strong for my boys. I mean it hurts all over again or maybe it never really stopped. I don't know."

She looked at Matt and saw the beauty in his eyes. So warm and brown.

She took his hand, "If we are meant to be, we will get through this. I just need to process all this, and I am going to need your help. Whether I ask for support or space. I know you will give it to me."

"Liz, I would do anything for you. If you just need a friend then I will be that friend. I will accept whatever you want or need."

She smiled slightly, "I know that. You were always someone that would be a great friend to anyone that needed you. I mean, you tolerated Maxie for almost two years. That should grant you sainthood or something." She sighed tiredly.

She was surprised at how tired she was after being asleep for two days. She laid her head back against her pillow.

He squeezed her hand lightly, "I will let you rest. You need to get your strength back."

"Please stay with me," she whispered as she shut her eyes.

"Forever," was the last thing she heard as she drifted to sleep.

_**Lucky**_

So it was done. He had told her. She had taken it better than he had expected, but then again that was Liz. She was stronger than anyone gave her credit for.

He just needed to give her space to let this all sink in. He could see that she already felt something was wrong with Jake. He also knew Matt would go to her as soon as Patrick found him. Matt would be good for her right now.

Matt and Liz's relationship wasn't complicated, and that was what she needed. It wasn't tainted.

He walked out to lobby feeling like his legs weighed a ton. He still felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. The burden got even heavier when he walked out to see Jason standing like statue in the lobby. He hadn't seen Jason much in the last couple days. Jason quickly spotted him and instantly walked over to Lucky.

"How is she?" Jason asked.

"Awake. I just told her about Jake. She took it better than expected. She is always an amazement to me."

Relief washed over Jason's face. Lucky never saw much emotion on the other man's face except when it came to Liz. She held a spot in Jason's stone cold heart that no one could replace or fill, but Lucky felt that it was that way with anyone who loved Liz in any way. It was the same for himself.

"Should I go in there?"

Lucky shook his head, "Give her some space. Besides I am more than sure that Patrick found Matt and he is in there with her right now. What happened with Sam?"

"She is gone and never to be seen again in this town. Matt is with her, huh. Does she remember dating him?"

"No, but Liz will probably be accepting of him. He has nothing to do with Jake. He isn't a constant reminder of Jake or the past. That's what brought them together in the first place."

Jason sighed a heavy sigh, "That's true. I guess I will come back later to check on her."

"Yeah, I am going home too before my wife thinks I abandoned her. I need to check on the kids as well. Jason, give her some time. I can't even imagine what this must be like for her."

Jason simply nodded and the two of them walked to the elevators without saying anymore. Lucky was talked out. He just wanted to go home and take Siobhan into his arms as he slept in his bed for the first time in days. Hopefully she would be there when he got home.

_**Matt**_

Elizabeth was laying so still as she slept. He found her peacefulness to be so beautiful. Her waking life was tumultuous right now. Losing her child once was traumatic enough without having to do it twice.

He held her hand wishing there was something he could do for her. Anything. She didn't even remember that they had made love. That was something that he treasured, and she didn't have that anymore. It was like it had never happened for her.

She had asked for time, and that was all he could give her. He would let her have as much time as she needed. If she wanted him to just be her friend, what else could he be but her friend. He loved her enough to be whatever she wanted even though it would hurt him. He didn't think she had ever been in love with him before all this. She was too cautious to just give her heart away to him, but he knew they were on the right road for that.

He hadn't meant to fall for her, but it was just so easy to love Liz. She had even won over Carly which in itself was a miracle.

He heard the door open and looked to see Carly standing in the doorway. He reluctantly let go of Liz's hand and walked over to Carly.

"How is she?" she asked in a hushed whisper.

"She woke up a little while ago. Lucky told her about Jake. She seems to understand and is handling it amazingly," he answered looking over at Elizabeth.

Carly breathed a sigh of relief, "I am so glad she woke up. She has been terribly missed. I can't imagine what she must be going through. She is so strong."

"She is the strongest person I have ever met."

"She doesn't remember the two of you does she?"

He shook his head slowly, "No, she doesn't, but she says that she feels something. She felt something was wrong with Jake before Lucky ever told her anything."

"Mothers know. We just feel it when something is wrong with our kids even if we are not with them. God, when is Liz going to catch a break? I'll admit I haven't always been one to help make things better for her. In fact I have made them worse. But I am going to attempt to make that up to her if she will let me. She doesn't remember that we became friends either?"

"No, but all you have to do is keep doing what you have already been doing. Show her and be there for her. She'll warm up to."

She nodded in agreement, "Do you need a break or anything? I would be happy to stay with her."

He looked back at Liz and then turned to Carly, "Yea, okay. I need a shower. Tell her I will be back soon if she wakes up."

"I will. Get some rest. She will be here when you get back."

He walked back over to Liz and lightly kissed her forehead before leaving the room. He did not want to leave herm but Carly was right. She was going to be here when he got back.

He walked out of her room, and found Patrick be the nurse's station with Robin. Robin smiled warmly at him as he approached.

"Patrick said she is awake. How is she?"

He was going to get tired of that question soon, but he answered it anyway, "She is amazing for someone who has gone through as much as she has gone through over the last few months. Carly is with her now. I am going to go get a shower and get some rest. It has been a long few days."

Robin cocked one eyebrow at him, "You left Carly with her? Alone?"

Yes. Carly offered and since Elizabeth is out of the woods I figured I could step away for a little while."

"But you're leaving Carly with her of all people."

"So? She knows that she and Carly have become friends over the last couple months. She may not remember, but I am more than sure she is relieved to have ended her long standing feud with Carly. I think it is a good thing."

"It's something out of the Twilight Zone. I mean it is Carly!" Robin said incredulously.

"Robin, let it be," Patrick spoke up not looking away from the chart in front of him.

She sighed and went back to whatever it was that she was doing. Matt headed to the elevator. He knew Robin had a right to feel weird about Liz and Carly's sudden relationship, but Robin hadn't really been around too much since Jake had died. He couldn't think of anytime that Robin had come over to just check on Liz since everything had happened. He knew she had a lot going on with Patrick and Lisa, but he also knew that Liz would never have done that to Robin. She would have been there for her friend no matter what was going on in her life.

She shouldn't begrudge Liz having a cease fire with Carly. She had enough problems without that being included. He was just happy that Liz was okay, and that's what Robin should be concentrating on. Liz had showed him how to love. She had showed him how to put someone else's feelings ahead of his own. If she were to get back together with Jason or Lucky tomorrow, he would be happy for her because it made her happy. He had never had that before. She had helped him grow up. She had taught him more in a few weeks than anyone had shown him in his entire life.


End file.
